How does United Airlines treat their passengers?
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︎ Nov 23 2020
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
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︎ Dec 08 2020
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
The United States Postal Service got jokes
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︎ Aug 10 2020
My kids were watching a show about identical twins re-united after being separated at birth, and in disbelief that they were wearing matching outfits when they met up.
I said, well, they do have the same genes.
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︎ Aug 06 2020
News broke today that due to salmonella concerns, there is a national recall on just about every type of onion in the united states...
To be honest, I'm not shedding any tears over it.
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︎ Aug 03 2020
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the SpanishβAmerican War, had dogs to go with them...
The were The Ruff Riders.
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︎ Jul 01 2020
What is the opposite of Manchester United?
It's not Manchester City or Liverpool.
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Ans: Woman breasts are Divided
PS. Thought of it as a kid. Very high probability that other people have also thought of this. Cracked this in front of a friend who asked me to post here.
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︎ Jun 16 2020
A judge is hearing a case. 'The people V. United Parcel Service' and determines that the trucks area nuisance and a danger to the town. He decides to ban all their trucks from the town and calls his ruling:
'UPS Truck Shun of Justice'
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︎ Apr 22 2020
My friend tried to ride his horse from Maine to the Southwestern United States for a type of bean but was hit by an older Ford...
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︎ Jun 09 2020
What was the 16th president of the United States told before the dinner party?
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︎ Feb 18 2020
Dads United
The approval rating of dad jokes in my household has fallen farther and harder than Hans off Nakatomi in my household of late. Not to be a big baby, but it's been really disheartening for me.
We all know our dad jokes can get tiring and annoying; that's part of the point. True masters carefully toe the line between just enough and too much, and to great effect. We do it because we genuinely want to bring joy to those around us with almost child-like mirth.
Not be able to share that with my family lately has been disappointing.
But coming to this sub warms my heart. So thank you to all of you here.
I am very grateful. #obligatoryset-up;)
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︎ Apr 23 2020
The United States is a cancer.
Its birthday is July 4th.
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︎ Feb 22 2020
I hear the United States is well stocked for a bird-of-prey flu epidemic...
There are plenty of ill eagle drugs for just such emergency.
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︎ Jan 19 2020
Missouri has the most bordering states (8, tied with tennessee) out of any of the 50 United States of America. You know what they say, Missouri loves company.
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︎ Dec 07 2017
Today is Boxing Day in the UK, Canada, New Zealand, and Australia. Do you know when Boxing Day is celebrated in the United States?
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︎ Dec 26 2019
If the United States annexed all of Canada and multiplied itβs area by two, what would you get?
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︎ Dec 06 2019
My meditative friend just got hired as a stewardess for United Airlines...
She's now on a higher plane of existence!
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︎ Oct 17 2019
Nevada is the NV of the United States.
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︎ May 24 2019
We need to add three more states to the United States of America
53 states would make it a prime number; One nation, indivisible.
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︎ May 18 2017
Did you hear about the doctor on the United flight?
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︎ Sep 25 2018
In the United States, youβre American.
But in the bathroom, European.
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︎ Oct 15 2018
My office space is a cubicle, president of the United States has an oval.
Someone has been cutting corners.
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︎ Jul 31 2018
Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming βMickey Mouseβ!
When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked βWhy did you scream Mickey Mouse?β And the secret serviceman said βI was trying to say Donald Duck!β
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︎ Mar 11 2019
News channels when Boris Johnson visits the Queen of the United Kingdom...
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︎ Jul 23 2019
Which branch of military is the most patriotic in the United States?
The Air Force, because they're US AF.
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︎ Dec 29 2018
President Trump has announced a ban on all shredded cheese in the United States.
In doing so he promises to Make America Grate Again.
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︎ Dec 25 2018
Which Prussian car united Germany into one country?
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︎ Oct 08 2018
Breakfast, brought to you by the 7th Secretary General of the United Nations.
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︎ Nov 30 2018
what do you call an air conditioning unit in the capital of the united states?
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︎ Mar 15 2019
What is the longest name for a boy in the United States, but not in most other countries?
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︎ Jan 27 2019
My foreign friend moved to the United States and brought his sick bird with him.
Unfortunately, he was arrested for being an ill-eagle immigrant.
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︎ Feb 23 2019
If someone ever throws something at the President of the United States during an important press conference with other world leaders, what should you scream?
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︎ Nov 24 2018
I was throwing darts at a map of the continental united states when I...
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︎ Jun 17 2018
What was the 16th president of the United States told before a dinner party?
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︎ Feb 20 2020
Did you hear about the Doctor on the United Flight?
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︎ May 04 2019
Which branch of the United States military is the most patriotic?
The Air Force; they're US AF
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︎ Dec 29 2018
The United States Air Force is more than American...
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︎ Jan 23 2019
There's a department of United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.
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︎ Jan 17 2019
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