So I'm a truck driver...

Whenever I have to sign for paperwork when picking up a load, occasionally I am asked to sign and date the bills. Whenever I'm asked to sign and date them I say "I can't date these, I'm married!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Faultiergeist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
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What do you call a truck driver who knows a lot about the truck but can't read or write fluently?

A Semi-literate

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πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2021
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Why did the truck driver finally stop farting?

He ran out of gas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/daviscojokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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Cement truck driver stole my identity and nobody would believe me

But then I found some concrete evidence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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To reduce waste, our city has told food truck drivers they must donate all unsold items each night.

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...

How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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Why’d the donkey become a truck driver?

Because he haul

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PoppaSquatt2010
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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Did you hear about the 2 Tow Truck drivers who wanted to elope?

They got hitched.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/acherem13
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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Forklift truck drivers don’t like jokes made about them...

...they find them very unpalatable

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evac95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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A truck driver with a live load of penguins in the back crashes and injures himself

A bystander helps him and calls the ambulance for him, The transport driver tells the man to take the penguins to the zoo then man says okay. Later when the truck driver was released from the hospital he sees the man walking out of the movie theatre with a line of penguins behind him, he asked what the hell hes doing and the man said, well you told me to take them to the zoo, i did, then i took them to the mall and now the movies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/max69well
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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What is the preferred shampoo brand of truck drivers?

Lorry-el

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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UPS freight truck driver dropped this one today

Truck driver comes in my shop for a pick up. When asked how he was doing today he responds, "Last night I dreamed I was a muffler, when I woke up this morning I was exhausted."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shteak
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2015
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A truck driver drives during an intense winter strom

The truck driver comes to a stop. The woman in the car behind him gets out of her car and knocks on the truck driver's window:

"Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!"

The truck driver is confused and continues his path until the next stop. The woman knocks on his window again.

"Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!"

The truck driver is even more confused and continues to drive. At the next stop, the woman comes to knock again on his window.

"Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!"

The truck driver gets angry and says:

"Would you please shut up! I'm putting salt on the road!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomGuyNumber1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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My Dad’s brother is a truck driver...

...we call him Uncle Laurie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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A truck driver at my work told me this wonderful gem

Im not feeling to good. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I can't stop tripping.

Eh? Eh??

Yeah you're laughing..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shinateku
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2016
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After 30 years as a long haul truck driver.....

I am now semi retired! (Just saw this on Wheel of Fortune!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sjdiver2001
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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Truck drivers go the extra mile

when they miss the last exit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nwatrekker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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The driver just left the mattress behind when it fell out of his truck.

...he didn't want to be arrested for aiding in a bedding.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hight0wer
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Did you hear about the Campbell’s truck driver that got into a car crash?

The doctor informed him he had a cancussion.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TotallyIneptWeeb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
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I was driving this morning when I saw this tow truck driver sobbing uncontrollably and looking miserable.

I thought to myself, β€œThis guy is heading for a breakdown.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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Why did the propane truck driver get a speeding ticket?

He was hauling gas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsonlyinternet
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2017
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My friend's mom is a truck-driver.

She's a real mothertrucker.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2016
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Did you hear about the 50 year old truck driver who only just got his pen license?

He's now licensed to use both stationery and moving vehicles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Egithis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2016
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Truck driver dad joke

Though usually dad jokes are groan-worthy puns, I think this fits the category as a very dad-like joke despite the lack of punnery:

I got a message from my truck driver brother-in-law, who says he's hauling "post holes and sailboat fuel" back home today.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/et11robot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2016
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What do a pokemon trainer and a truck driver have in common?

They've both been to the bull bar store

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jive21
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2016
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My brother is a truck driver in the Philadelphia area and I just got him, am I ready to be a dad?

I texted my brother this morning about a story one of my co-workers was telling, Brother: Cool. I'm super busy today. Will be running around philly. Me: You should probably use your truck instead of running. It's been an hour and a half and he still hasn't responded. I'm feeling quite proud of myself for that one!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2015
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My dad retired from UPS as a truck driver and uses this when he scares us by his driving.

Me: Dad take it easy you are scaring the shit out of us

Dad: Not to worry I am a semi professional driver

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_var_log_messages
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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