Truck driver Puns

Whenever I have to sign for paperwork when picking up a load, occasionally I am asked to sign and date the bills. Whenever I'm asked to sign and date them I say "I can't date these, I'm married!"

A Semi-literate

He ran out of gas.

But then I found some concrete evidence

I applaud the effort, but given how little space the trucks have in the first place, it seems like there's really not much room for waste to begin with. So, I've gotta ask...

How much food would a good truck chuck if a food truck could chuck food?

Because he haul

They got hitched.

...they find them very unpalatable

A bystander helps him and calls the ambulance for him, The transport driver tells the man to take the penguins to the zoo then man says okay. Later when the truck driver was released from the hospital he sees the man walking out of the movie theatre with a line of penguins behind him, he asked what the hell hes doing and the man said, well you told me to take them to the zoo, i did, then i took them to the mall and now the movies.

Lorry-el

Truck driver comes in my shop for a pick up. When asked how he was doing today he responds, "Last night I dreamed I was a muffler, when I woke up this morning I was exhausted."

The truck driver comes to a stop. The woman in the car behind him gets out of her car and knocks on the truck driver's window:

"Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!"

The truck driver is confused and continues his path until the next stop. The woman knocks on his window again.

"Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!"

The truck driver is even more confused and continues to drive. At the next stop, the woman comes to knock again on his window.

"Excuse me sir, you are losing your load!"

The truck driver gets angry and says:

"Would you please shut up! I'm putting salt on the road!"

...we call him Uncle Laurie

Im not feeling to good. I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with but I can't stop tripping.

Eh? Eh??

Yeah you're laughing..

I am now semi retired! (Just saw this on Wheel of Fortune!)

when they miss the last exit.

...he didn't want to be arrested for aiding in a bedding.

The doctor informed him he had a cancussion.

I thought to myself, “This guy is heading for a breakdown.”

He was hauling gas.

She's a real mothertrucker.

He's now licensed to use both stationery and moving vehicles.

Though usually dad jokes are groan-worthy puns, I think this fits the category as a very dad-like joke despite the lack of punnery:

I got a message from my truck driver brother-in-law, who says he's hauling "post holes and sailboat fuel" back home today.

They've both been to the bull bar store

I texted my brother this morning about a story one of my co-workers was telling, Brother: Cool. I'm super busy today. Will be running around philly. Me: You should probably use your truck instead of running. It's been an hour and a half and he still hasn't responded. I'm feeling quite proud of myself for that one!

Me: Dad take it easy you are scaring the shit out of us

Dad: Not to worry I am a semi professional driver