Tri Puns

So I told him if he didn’t eat, his life would be at steak

I was the best camera man they ever had.

Just days after my dad made some tri-tip my family had another get together which my brother-in-law brought some ridiculously good tri-tip. Definitely blew the my dad's stuff out of the water.

Me: "I have to tell you, your tri-tip was good but Nick's (brother-in-law) is next level"

Dad: "Well that may be true but I helped him by giving him advice. In fact, I gave him three pieces of advice. Thats why they call it tri-tip!"

Like, "Who's blood is this?", "How did you get it?"

"Why is it in a bucket?"

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

..a duel meaning.

Turns out I can’t focus!

You don’t know what you’re missing.

It turned out all blurry. I think I have selfie steam issues.

Now it’s a wrecked angle.

Unfortunately none of them work.

Never doing that again, I could've killed myself!

But it wasn't stroganoff

A conspiracy to commit murder.

Do the ends really justify the greens?

I didn’t fall for it!

That will give you a reason to get out of bed in the morning.

All it ever says though is µ.

But Eiffel off

I said that's the last thing I need

He was arrested for Petty theft.

but good players are really hard to find.

I just couldn’t build up to it

But realized it was a big missed steak

But nothing wood work

So far, my attempts are fruitless.

But after all these years, it's still a Mr. E

... too bad I mist

Urine trouble.

"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."

I got stuck.

I looked down at my shirt and said, "but I like my polo".

I had to explain it, but once she got it she thought it was hilarious. I'm very proud of this joke.

He just talked in circles

but it's hard when they can't even wipe their own bum.

Then you will de-feet him

Because thirst things first.

I didn't execute it properly

She told me to come back in a month for another shot.

we were both just two-tyred

My son looks at me and says, “you know I’m blind right?” Me being me said “Exactly”

He didn’t want to be an Olympic Schwimmer.

Looks like, the boa cons tricked her.

It only makes things worse.

There's no knead

But I mist

...but Eiffel off.

But good players are hard to find.

You don’t know what you’re missing

But I Eiffel off

He has selfie steam issues.