I went to the diabetes screening

It's just a movie about sugar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I had my temperature read today for a Covid screening, and it read 200 degrees

That’s why they call me Mr. Fahrenheit.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moneybuystruth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Mandatory temperature screening will be required for fans attending the Foreigner reunion concert.

If you’re hot blooded, they’ll check it and see.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
The methadone clinic has cancelled urinalysis screenings for the rest of April

Unlike the grocery store, the clinic isn't adopting the "curbside pee-cup" system.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saltoftree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What did they say to Trump during the screening of Star Wars?

The Senate will decide your fate.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Colon Cancer Screening
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RyanJT324
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
They're screening a new Flinstones movie in the United Arab Emirates.

The people in Dubai don't like it much, but the people in Abu Dhabi do!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrQuickLine
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2013
🚨︎ report
Tap on the screen

🚰

πŸ‘︎ 527
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dizzie222
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
He needs a new screen protector I think
πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_its_shayan_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Switched my laptop screen to 4k just now...

It's my New Year's resolution.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Scribbler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my boss, β€œSorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”

Boss: Hard drive?

Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
took a screen shot on youtube when I found this pun
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rose-Fairy-Fun
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Baby Yoda say the first time he watched The Mandalorian on a high-def screen?

Not HDMI, because Baby Yoda can't speak.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
We had a critical issue at work today, the icons on the monitor screen were small

It took us a while to work out a proper resolution

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/faisalz8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Errors are red, screen is blue, i think i deleted, system 32.
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hallower87
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss was surprised that pc screens were delivered before headsets...

Me : "it's because light travels faster than sound"

I'm only 20 please help

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heey_its_Ben
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife screens patients for breast cancer

What a great boob job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I like this
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/note_than62
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My 7 year old son is remote learning and I walked into the room to find him logged into his class with his back facing the computer screen. I asked, β€œwhat are you doing?”

He said, β€œI’m back to school!”

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I watched 3 movies back to back last night.

Luckily I was the one facing the screen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deedubya8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Say what you want about the iPhone X but

You can't deny it had a top notch screen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Burpmeister
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Something's wrong with my touch screen.

I can’t put my finger on it.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.

The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Tap on the screen...

Tap on the screen...

I hope this is allowed here...πŸ˜‰

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikthise042
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Tap on the screen.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thumbs0fDestiny
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one video call tell to another on the beach?

Can you share the screen

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/summingitup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did my computer screen freeze

Cause it didn’t have a thick enough coat

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I just got off the phone with a professor in China. He says it's not worth getting Covid-19

As they are expecting to release Covid-20 Pro in September.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PIGG-E
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
LSD Screen
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yesmodeset
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Is the leader of the Screen Actors Guild

the acting president?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rover359
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Tap on this picture.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pikachuboiiiii
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Mods are asleep, upvote perfectly cut screen
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maggi_mix
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A true screen shot
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2019
🚨︎ report
The error message on fat bastards screen when his computer crashed

Chin-tax error

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jskell89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter has to screen the light from windows and doors in order to get ideas...

She shudders to think...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend posted a pic of her at the Hollywood Bowl and the big screens read β€œFree Wi-Fi”
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squirrelboii
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said she was staring at her computer screen and couldn’t think of what to write.

I told her she must of been literary exhausted.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ptolemy222
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw this on my train
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MazuBazu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Double tap on your screen.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerGav09
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
🚨︎ report
I built a screen porch and it was much easier since I didn’t install windows.

It was paneless.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the phone screen say to the dad joke?

Looks like the joke’s on me

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aphotdog95
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is the new Kindle screen textured to look like paper?

So you feel write at home.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I love pressing the F5 key.

It's very refreshing.

πŸ‘︎ 259
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What's it called when hyperactive grandma's buy flat screen TVs?

80HD

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MF62SW
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is the new Kindle screen textured to look like paper?

So you feel write at home.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is the new Kindle screen textured to look like paper?

So you feel write at home.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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