I've had a chiropractor phobia extending from a childhood trauma. Wife finally convinced me to get my back checked out and treated. Wife afterwards: See, that wasn't too bad

Me: it was an adjustment

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👤︎ u/Sparxican
📅︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Cannot imagine the trauma
👍︎ 18
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📅︎ Nov 13 2019
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Whenever I encountered one of life's little traumas, my Dad would take me to one side and say "it could be worse - you could be submerged in water twenty foot down a dark shaft"

Bless him - He meant well

👍︎ 33
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📅︎ Jun 30 2019
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They might die of blunt force trauma.
👍︎ 30
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📅︎ Sep 22 2018
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Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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📅︎ Oct 18 2020
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A church was hiring a new bell ringer

And they interviewed an applicant named Stan. Stan had no arms due to an accident so the hiring manager asked how he would ever be able to do the job.

"I'll show you",said Stan.

They walked up flight after flight of stairs to the Bell tower all the while the manager wondered how Stan would ever be able to do the job. His questions were soon answered when after reaching the Bell tower, Stan took off running striking the bell face first. Gooong goes the bell. Stan picks himself up, takes off running face first at the bell, Gooong.

"Hold, on. You'll hurt yourself."

"I'm tough," said Stan, " "and I really needed this job"

"Ok," said the manager, leaving Stan to do the job.

All day the bell rang on the hour correctly and the manager thought too soon that he had misjudged Stan. Finally, at six in the evening there were only three gongs, then a commotion. Going out to see what was going on he found Stan dead on the street below. Apparently he had become disoriented from head trauma and missed the bell entirely falling to the street below.

"Who was this man, Who was he?" asked the crowd.

Not wanting to admit liability for the accident, the manager said "I don't know."

"But his face sure rings a bell"

👍︎ 10
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📅︎ Aug 18 2020
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If you have a bad stutter, never accuse your wife of being a "hoarder."

Severe head trauma could result.

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👤︎ u/PotBuzz
📅︎ Mar 21 2020
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A stoner, a Jedi, and a recent orphan walks into a bar

Blunt Force Trauma

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📅︎ Nov 17 2019
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A man and a horse walk into a bar...

They died from the head trauma

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👤︎ u/DickShun
📅︎ Feb 22 2016
🚨︎ report

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