My grief counsellor died the other day..

He was so good at his job, I didn’t give a shit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jo3p-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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My grief counselor died recently

Clearly did a good job, because I didn't care

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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I'm sure I'll catch alkynes of grief for this...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ducksarewitches
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
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Whatβ€˜s the first stage of grief and loss in Egypt?

The Nile.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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I told my wife, β€œThe first stage of grief is guilt.”

She said, β€œIsn’t it denial?”

Me: No, not for me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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Egyptians aren't very good at getting through the stages of grief

They always swim in denial

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2018
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What do the grief-stricken and tormented eat for breakfast?

Anguish muffins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FajitaPants
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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What's the stage of grief that Egyptians are most known for?

De-Nile

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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Whenever I give him grief for confusing or forgetting my friends' names...

"What'd you say Steve?"

(my name is not Steve)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-4-8-15-16-23-42-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
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Did you hear about the italian chef that died?

He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeastπŸ™πŸ»β€οΈ

Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!😁

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πŸ‘€︎ u/iLoveRaviolis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Eating lunch when my 5 year old hits me with this

Me: good grief in full

5 year old: Hi Full, I'm Miriam!

Never been so proud of her in my life.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Dear people, don't carry your emotional baggage with you

I present you, the grief-case

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! πŸ”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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My wife left me because of my obsession with crosswords. I guess you could say I'm...

1 _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Across

1 Severe and overwhelming shock or grief (10)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2019
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"What does that say?"

It's been about a year since my dad passed away unexpectedly. The grief hits me in weird waves sometimes, but one of the things that ALWAYS brings a smile to my face is a joke he kept going for YEARS.

It started in line at Costco years and years ago:

Dad: [pointing over to a sign in the pharmacy] What does that say?

Me: Hearing aids.

Dad: What?

Me: HEARING AIDS

Dad: WHAT?!

A year or so later, at a charity event banquet, a police officer was speaking...

Officer: ...these funds have helped cover numerous medical expenses for those in need, including vision tests, hearing aids...

Dad: [leans over to me] What did he say?

Me: [whispers] Hearing aids.

Dad: What?

Me: Hearing aids.

Then we both burst out laughing and had to keep it together at this fancy dinner.

My dad did this for YEARS. And was masterful at waiting JUST long enough so that I had forgotten the joke and would fall for it every time. It was basically a years-long dad-joke ambush.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steffilarueses
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2016
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My Mom made a euthanasia joke.
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
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I'd be surprised if this is a re-post

My soccer inflicted ingrown toenail has been giving me serious grief, exasperated by an infection. Swollen, purple and painful, my wife told me I needed to buy an expensive set of nail scissors and clippers to trimming down the offending nail.

I replied with "For toepiary?"

I think i must have failed in the telling of my 'dadjoke'. She did NOT roll her eyes but actually laughed!

I guess the journey is long in this game.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toocents
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2016
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[LONG] Found this on my girlfriend's Dad's facebook.

Sorry, but I need to vent!! So I went to Target to get some clearance Halloween stuff. I noticed this lady was staring at me in the same aisle I was in. No biggie. I moved to the next aisle and here she comes. Again... STARING! So now I'm like, What is her problem?! I finish up my shopping and head to the check out line. Of course who is there ahead of me but this same lady. She turns around and starts staring again. So I start playing with my phone b/c I'm getting a little uncomfortable. Finally she says "I want to apologize for staring at you, but you look just like my son who just passed away." I felt really bad after that and gave her my condolences. She says "Thank you...but I have a favor to ask. I know it's weird and understand if you don't want to, but can you give me a hug and say 'Bye Mama' to me?" Inside I was like buuuuh?!??!, but understanding grief the way that I do, I went ahead and did it. She smiles, thanks me, and leaves. The cashier rings up my stuff and the total comes out to $100.87. I knew something wasn't right, because it should have been like $40 or so. The cashier then tells me that my total was included with my mom's. I'm like, "What?!!!" She said, "Your mom said you were paying for her last few items along with your things. I told her that the woman was most definitely NOT my mom. She said, well I saw you hug her and heard you call her mama. I'm like OMG...I flew out of the store looking for this horrible person, ready to drag her back in, I see her loading up her car! She saw me and jumped in her car, I got to her as she was putting her leg in, and I started pulling her leg hard enough that her wooden leg came off!! Omg how is this happening right now?! So I grabbed her other leg and started pulling! Just like I'm pulling yours right now!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/haucker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2015
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Adult diapers

My mom was giving me grief about how she used to change my diapers and stuff, to which I replied 'watch it, I'll be changing yours in a few years'

Dad (from the next room): glad to hear you volunteer to to that. It's a real... load...off my back.

Me: that's a pretty... dumpy ...way to treat your son.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yeahifuck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2014
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When I told my dad, "Bear with me, I'm new to this."

"Bear!? Best I can do is wolf!"

Good grief.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jiggyfly325
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2014
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Dad-Jokes run in the family, my sister dropped this one on me today

I was driving my younger sister to one of her youth group meetings earlier today and I talked about how I had first seen a funeral procession that morning on the day to school. I started asking several rhetorical questions such as:

  • "Where was the casket? I didn't see one carried by any of the vehicles."

  • "What cemetery are they going to?"

But now here comes the gold...

"It was a long procession...I'm sure (s)he was loved." Turns toward her "Do you know what the stages of grief are? It's weird how we say the human experience is unique for everyone, but almost everyone mourns in the same way. Do you know what happens after the mourning?"

I sat there in awe after having quivered before the dad-joke incarnate in front of me when I hear in response:

"Why of course, the afternoon silly!"

Edit: I accidentally a format

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Robertpdot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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Dad joked my co-worker today.

We were hooking a trailer up to our truck. The trailer is old and gives us a lot of grief. Since it was warmer out today it wasn't frozen to it was fairly easy to attach.

CW: "Well, that went off without a hitch!"

Me: "No there's a hitch, right there!" (as i pointed at the truck's hitch)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nightwing3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2014
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My grief counselor just died and I don't care.

That guy was good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanfromtexas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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