What does a person who fakes injuries like to drink?

Champagne!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boofaka
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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I am waiting to recover from injuries caused by a small sharp tool:

Time heals awl wounds.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Last year wasn't much fun having a broken neck injury..

.. but at least now, I can look back and laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
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If you get hurt before you are 18, it’s just a minor injury.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talmax009
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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My friend wanted to hit the treadmill despite recovering from an injury.

I told him β€œtread lightly”.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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I went to see a physiotherapist recently for a spinal injury.

He was so encouraging, he assured me that he has my back.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirCMRaven
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Where do you go for a peek-a-boo injury?

The ICU.

πŸ‘︎ 141
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RageMonster17
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Hey my first joke here is about Patella injuries

It’s a real knee slapper

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrPaulGraner
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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Mussel injuries are the worst.

I went to the seafood disco last week but I came back early because....

I pulled a muscle.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaiTeaNotTaiChi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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I just published a book on how to prevent skin injuries and minor burns.

It’s non friction.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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e: gets an acute injury
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemiBlu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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What kind of injuries do bees get?

Buzz sores

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spikeratchet
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are foot injuries so serious?

... because they take so long to heel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IgnoranceIsAVirus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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There will probably be a surge in weight lifting related injuries since all the gyms have closed.

Everyone will try to pick up where they left off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMatt88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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Glute injuries can be a pain in the ass
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atmanm
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Due to a spinal injury at work, my Dad had to get a neck brace.

At least now he always looks forward to see me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What volcano has caused the most foot injuries?

Krakatoa

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m only adding insult to injury by saying this...

injuryinsult

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
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I find that the only math I’m good at is adding insult to injury
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UriahPeabody
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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My friend barely escaped injury after falling thru a plate glass window...

It sounded paneful.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
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My Math Professor takes days off from work by faking minor injuries.

I shouldn’t have taken a class with Dr. Fibin Ouchie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Glass related injuries
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stuporsuper
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you drink for a fake injury?

Champagne

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Doctor: You have a hip injury.

Me: I knew I was always trendy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I am recovering from a knee injury and wife asked how my morning excercise routine went. imgur.com/sEI4Q7b
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Some_MelonCat
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
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What happened when wonder bread suffered a head injury?

It became coma toast

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
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I bought a microphone so I can talk about different types of injuries.

Tear sting tear sting

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
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What type of cruel individual would cut off a person's hair, throw it away and then to add insult to injury, take their money afterwards???

Such a practice sounds barbarous to me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/atomproject
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
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What do you call a mathematician that fakes injuries?

Fibbin' Ouchie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frozenmoses
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Writing on someone's cast is the perfect time to add insult to injury reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saggingrufus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a ghost's injury?

A boo-boo

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigBananaFucker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Breaking news: guy at the salt mine rushed to hospital for knee injury

Turns out he tore N aCl

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2017
🚨︎ report
When is an injury pretty

When it is acute

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtelesha
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2015
🚨︎ report
I learned today that Tom Brady first got to play in an NFL game because the previous quarterback suffered an injury causing internal bleeding

I suppose you could say he got to play because Drew bled so.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
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Foot Injury

Think I got plantar fascitis while playing basketball, so I had to call up the orthopaedic doctor to set up an appointment.

Nurse: "You can just go to our Walk-In Clinic if you want to be seen today."

Me: "Walk-In Clinic? Isn't it more of a Hobble-In Clinic?"

Nurse: "..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natebrennan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2016
🚨︎ report
A head injury can really open your mind.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adolph_Fritz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2016
🚨︎ report
Head injuries in pillow fights can cause...

...severe concushion

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PonyMamacrane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2015
🚨︎ report
My friend dad joked my injury

Bad knee, commented on how I don't want to stay over a different friend's house in case anything happens.

Me: I'm not sure I should because of the nasty on my knee, god forbid something happens to it ya know

Her: Don't want akneething to happen to it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crashdontfall_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2014
🚨︎ report
I’m just adding insult to injury by saying this but...

insultinjury

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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A concussion is an injury that is all in your head
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_johnarch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
🚨︎ report

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