What did the supervillain say when he got off at the last train station?

It's the end of the line for me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eat-rainbows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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What time does the train pull into the station?

Choo-choo thirty, I'd say.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FairlyCharming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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A legit conversation today with my 2 1/2 year old son as we do our daily stroll past a train station that for once, has no trains stationed...

Son: Daddy, where is Thomas? Daddy: I don’t know, mate. Son: He must be working from home today.

Is this his first dad joke?? Strange what they must be picking up from conversations. Got me good.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
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They say there's a cryptid by the train station that drinks American whiskey late at night

But I'm sure that's just a bourbon legend.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk I have a work station...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2shoesnotfellows
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
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I don't think this train has left the station.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
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I just drove by a train station in a bad part of town.

It was on the wrong side of the tracks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baeology
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
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Let's demolish train stations and airports, and build lots more tall telescopes. We'll probably live a lot longer!

In my experience, patients under observation do far better than the terminally ill.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamsebamsen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Talking to a conductor at the train station

Background: Where I live, we have these little plastic cards instead of tickets to get on trains. You load it up with money electronically and then "touch on" at the train station and "touch off" when you get off at your destination. The other day I touched on at the station. Shortly after arriving, the meeting I had been going to got postponed. So I touched off. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't been charged for sitting in the station for five minutes so I went up to the ticketing booth.

Me: Is there anyway for me to check the balance of this online or something?

Conductor: Oh, no need. I can do that for you!

He takes the card, places it on the end of his finger, and holds it up to his eyes.

Conductor: Yep, perfectly balanced!

I think he was surprised by how funny I found this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChoozeGooze
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
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I live in a remote town. We're building a train station to encourage travel to nearby places.

All thanks to a strong local motive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/garbagearmy
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
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The Train conductor at the station this morning was definitely a Dad...

So I was taking the train to work this morning, and I'm exchanging at a station. I walk up the stairs to the platform to get my second train which should lead me to work, and I notice a train leaving the platform. As anyone would do, I asked the conductor "is that Liverpool?" (referring to the train as my destination). He replied "No mate, that's a train". It wasn't the liverpool train and I wasn't late, but that sure made my day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Throwaway00010110
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2015
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My friend in the train station: "If someone falls off the platform..."

"... and gets hit by a train, does it become a splatform?!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BopNiblets
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2017
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Picking my sister up from the train station...

Me : Where are you going?

Brother: To pick Alex up

Dad: When did she fall over?

Everyone: :|

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2015
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Sitting at the train station bar right now...

And the bartender asks these two old guys, across from me, "Is it okay if I change this TV right now?" (Meaning she was changing the channel)

The one says, "Yeah! Is the new one gonna be a 62 or 70 inch?"

Dad joking strangers? Especially when I'm drunk? All my yes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohrubytuesday
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2014
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Tired of the cold, Superman traded the Fortress of Solitude for a house in Italy...

He invited Lois Lane to visit. Her plane was late, and she called the house to ask directions. He answered and told her:

"Take the last train to Clark's villa, and I'll meet you at the station."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPossible
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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One upon a time there was a green man, he always wore green clothes drove a green car and lived in a green house...

One day he sat on his green couch and turned on his green TV to watch a green western. And it was a great green western too.

When the green western was over, the green man turned the green TV off and decided to go for a nice relaxing green bath.

He left the green lounge, turned off the green lights and travelled along the green hall, up the green stairs and to the green bathroom.

In the green bathroom he turned on the green light and turned the green tap to make the green water fill up the green bath tub.

The green man got changed from his green clothes and was left in the green. He dipped his green toe in to the green water to check the temperature, then he slowly lowered his whole green self in to the green bath.

No sooner had his green bottom touched the base of the green tub then the green doorbell went. He heaved his green body out of the green tub and quickly wrapped a green towel around his green waist.

He went down the green stairs to the green door and opened it. Standing there in front of his green house was an elderly lady, she asked the directions to local train station. The green man forgot about the green towel situation and with the green hand that was on the green towel pointed in the direction of the trains.

In doing so he dropped his green towel to his green ankles, revealing his green privates. The elderly lady shrieked turned and ran across the road, where she was struck by a passing car.

And kids what's the moral of the story? . . . . . Don't cross the road while the green man's flashing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrmalaki
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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Why doesn’t Voldemort have a nose?

Because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaBabybelle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
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Jeff has had only one dream ever in his life, to become a train conductor.

Jeff went to his local train station and begged for the job. He got a job, as a janitor. Every day he swept the train car floors. To make his job easier, he added certain style to his sweeping technique. He used a 3 level system for how powerful he wanted to sweep. He had a small sweep for small piles of dust. Medium sweeps for leftover chip bags and plactic bottles. And the Super Mega Large sweeps for when there were spider webs as big as the train.

Jeff was a master sweeper, so he got Promoted!.. To hobo kicking. Nowadays he comes to the train station early in the morning, finds the nearest hobo, and kicks him out. However, Jeff's legs hurt after several strong kicks, so he used his 3 level system in hobo kicking. He had a small kick for tiny, bite sized hobos. Medium kicks for your average sized hobo. And his Super Mega Powerful kick for 300 pound hobos.

Jeff was sooooo good at kicking hobos and he was Promoted!.. to coal shoveling. Jeff arrives 20 minutes before his train departure, loads up with the conductor, and shovels coal. likewise with his legs, Jeff's arms got tired after several large piles of shoveled coal, so he used his 3 level system to rest Jeff's weak arms. Jeff dumps small piles of coal in the incinerator to send the train at a slow pace. He dumps a Medium pile for a somewhat fast pace. But when the train station's 30 miles away and he's scheduled to arrive in 7 minutes, Jeff uses his Big Gargantuan Humongous shoveling strength to send the train at super sonic speed!

After all of Jeff's many years of working for this train station, they finally promote him to Train Conductor! Jeff shows up to work 30 minutes early on his first day, conducts the train for his first time ever, and crashes the train. He injures 30 and kills 13 more. Jeff is sentenced to Death.

The day of Jeff's execution, he's asked for his last meal. Jeff tells the guard that he wants a 13 foot stack of pancakes and a 40 ounce jug of green Kool-Aid. Jeff takes exactly 34 minutes to eat with it all. 26 Mintues later, Jeff is taken to the electric chair.

Jeff sits down in the electric chair, and is strapped in by a nearby guard. After all the safety precautions, they turn on the electric chair.

BZZZZZZ

Nothin happened. The guard is confused and Jeff is confused. The guard trys it again.

BZZZZZZ

Nothing. Jeff doesn't even move a muscle. The guard decides to let Jeff go since he can't kill him. Before Jeff leaves, the guard has one question.

Guard : "Excuse me um, J

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saspa314
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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My girlfriend was sad and I made it worse

A couple weeks ago we went to the oddball comedyfest show and after it was over we took the train back to my house.

Had picked up some drinks on the way back and are waiting in the train station.

My girlfriend said "Oh my god this is so depressing that the show is over!"

I put my Sprite against the wall with some force and held it there and said

"No this is soda pressing"

Groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CapnMcNutInMyButt
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
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Dad would use this with my high school lady crushes

A guy is standing at a train station in philadelphia, he walks up to the ticket window to get a ticket, when the guy walks up to the window he notices the ticket person is a babe with a "pair of knockers". The man needed to get home quick and was distracted by the knockers and when she asked the guy how she could help, he quickly said "i need two pickets to tittsburgh, please"

god dammit dad...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snuffaluffakuss
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2014
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We were in Times Square the other day...

...my dad was picking me up from the train station and we met by west 42nd street. We get in the car and drive past Rockefeller center and we see a tree with lights: "you see that? They're already growing next year's Christmas tree!"

I have never heard say anything like this before. Needless to say I got quite a chuckle from it

Edit: grammar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carguy96
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
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Me and my dad on a train trip

We get on the train and go to our seats. The seats we sit in are facing eachother, I sit facing the front of the train, he sits facing the rear. We both are looking out the window before the train pulls away from the station, he says, "you let me know where we're going, I'll tell you where we've been."

ಠ_ಠ

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bootnuts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.

On my desk, I have a work station.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Allalovesmemes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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