My wife left me cause Im too insecure
Never mind she was just at the grocery store
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Jun 01 2020
I too am supportive of farmers
π︎ 4k
π
︎ May 21 2020
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
π︎ 11k
π
︎ May 31 2020
offish was too lonely
π︎ 2k
π
︎ May 29 2020
Two books meet in a Library. One says ' You don't look too well ' and the other replies..
... Just had my Appendix removed.
π︎ 617
π
︎ May 30 2020
Told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high...
She looked very surprised!
π︎ 69
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. βThatβs one too many!β says the customer.
The clerk replies βItβs a freebieβ
π︎ 23k
π
︎ Mar 11 2020
I come from afar too
π︎ 69
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
I said to my wife βI hate to tell you this babe, but your bathing suit is too revealing and tightβ
She said βthen wear your own one thenβ
π︎ 98
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
its too late for this
π︎ 72
π
︎ Jun 18 2020
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jun 27 2020
I liked this a little too much, had to steel it.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Jun 02 2020
Einstein developed a theory about space, and it was about time too.
π︎ 210
π
︎ May 02 2020
I was told I second guess myself too much..
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Feb 20 2020
It was too tired
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 18 2020
People keep talking about eating clocks here, so I decided to eat one too while I was in line at the DMV.
Sure enough, my weight went up by several minutes.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
My grandpa said that we youngsters rely on technology too much.
I replied "no, you do" and unplugged his life support.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Feb 12 2020
I want to beat him up too
π︎ 33
π
︎ May 25 2020
I would be too...
π︎ 47
π
︎ May 21 2020
Too political for me
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Feb 12 2020
Yeah, a little too hot
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jun 06 2020
John's box is too small
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jun 06 2020
Too hot
This happened with my 3 years old son yesterday
Son: letβs go outside
Me: itβs too hot outside
Son: no, itβs 10 hot
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 30 2020
Rolling diagon-ALLEY too
π︎ 375
π
︎ Apr 19 2020
My sonβs first dad joke: my wife asked if we were going to play soccer, or if weβre too tired.
Son: weβre not bicycles.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jun 22 2020
I saw a reddit post about someone having too many Dracula figurines
I knew my brother had the same problem, but the reddit account wasn't his. I told him about it and he said it was his post, so I asked "Throw away account?" He said "Yeah, good idea, I didn't think about that"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 30 2020
I had to borrow my friendβs trumpet because I sounded too good on my own, and people would be jealous!
I didnβt want to toot my own horn.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 23 2020
I got pulled over while driving because I was weaving too much.
I told the cop itβs my first time knitting, so Iβm pretty slow at it.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 29 2020
Too special imo.
π︎ 20
π
︎ May 25 2020
I told my son that he is too young to get a girlfriend...
So he got a boyfriend instead
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 16 2020
My wife told me, βDonβt stress out too much because your friends call you fat..β
...βYouβre much bigger than that.β
π︎ 23
π
︎ May 29 2020
When I first got my haircut I thought it was too short
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 19 2020
I wonder if he ate the wrapper too
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 15 2020
The teacher is too salty
Teacher: What is below 7 in the pH scale?
Student: Acids.
Teacher: Good. What is above 7?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Clearly you don't know the basic!
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 27 2020
Too political?
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 07 2020
Your Chinese restaurant is too bright...
...maybe you should dimsum.
π︎ 33
π
︎ May 30 2020
Back in the day when sparrows had names, sparrows named Gus wouldnβt fare too well.
People love eating Asparagus.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 13 2020
How does a crab feel when it eats too much?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
I ate too many rowing paddles
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 24 2020
people are making too many coronavirus jokes
like seriously? people die from it, its a pundemic
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 19 2020
I laughed it little too hard
π︎ 629
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
I was out in the desert on psychedelics , and I started tripping way too hard. So I took an acid reducer.
It didn't help me one bit!!!!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 08 2020
So many people are too judgmental these days...
I can tell just by looking at them
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 07 2020
How much is too much HD?
80 HD, too much or too little focus
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
The engineer installed a motor too powerfull in the moving stairway
It escalated very quickly.
π︎ 64
π
︎ May 11 2020
What does the moon do when his hair gets too long?
π︎ 36
π
︎ May 03 2020
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 08 2020
I was prescribed medication but I couldn't take it. It was too hard to get the lid off. You might have heard of it...
π︎ 3
π
︎ May 17 2020
Her: Iβm done with you. You are way too old to be obsessed with being a tennis umpire!
Me: Iβm only forty, love.
π︎ 9
π
︎ May 15 2020
I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts
Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think
π︎ 120
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
Being on this subreddit too long may lead to
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 06 2020
These puns are too cheesy [oc]
π︎ 59
π
︎ Mar 27 2020
Thought of it. Then googled it to find this. So not original, but too good to not share.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
Too many people have been making COVID-19 jokes
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 24 2020
This is too good
π︎ 17
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post too many bird puns.
Well, toucan play that game.
π︎ 61
π
︎ Mar 25 2020
What wouldβve happen if the Apollo astronauts stayed on the lunar surface for too long?
They wouldβve been lunatics.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 25 2020
Too good of an occasion to pass
π︎ 33
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
Doctors have a first time too
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 28 2020
What will a chinese grill use when a wok is too slow
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 22 2020
Heβs too tired for this
π︎ 138
π
︎ Mar 06 2020
For those who read too much
If youβre trying to say a word that youβve only ever seen in print, youβre speaking hyphonetically.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 22 2020
It's tough to admit that I'm using too much weight on my bench press.
I'm having a hard time getting this off my chest.
π︎ 26
π
︎ May 06 2020
My name is Aaron. My son's name is Aaron too. Every morning, we go for a jog together.
When my wife asks where we went, I tell her we were just running Aarons.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
My friend started a pun war that was too hot for her to Handel
π︎ 14
π
︎ Apr 15 2020
Hospital statement ends up being too literal.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 13 2020
Did you know that dolphins have existential crisis too?
They wonder if their life has a porpoise.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 19 2020
Not my joke but I love this too much not to share
Shout out to anyone who doesn't know what the opposite of in is
π︎ 32
π
︎ Mar 18 2020
He wood've turned out great too, had he not turned to the other side
π︎ 21
π
︎ Apr 03 2020
When you take a pun too far
π︎ 56
π
︎ Jan 11 2020
Too many apostrophes for comfort.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 02 2020
I gain too much weight around the holidays
I need to stop eating cold turkey
π︎ 22
π
︎ Apr 29 2020
I want the normal one too! (Op u/ItsSrikerOMG)
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Nov 03 2019
Corona is taking "viral marketing" too literally
The new campaign is a killer
π︎ 160
π
︎ Feb 24 2020
A guy died from laughing too much.
It was a manslaughter.
Edit: Whoa, thanks for 250 upvotes!
Edit 2: 500 upvotes for a dad joke I made up on the fly? Thanks so much to everyone!
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 23 2019
I trimmed my beard too short.
I wasnβt sure about how It looked but it grew on me!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
What do you call the court jester who ate too much at the king's banquet?
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 11 2020
He's too tired to respond
π︎ 99
π
︎ Jan 11 2020
I'll try to cell this one too you...
What did the cell say to it's sibling when she stepped on his toe?
My toe sis...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 04 2020
Which nut sneezes too much?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Apr 04 2020
I love Africa too
π︎ 35
π
︎ Feb 11 2020
I made the decision to not date the girl with skin lesions on her face too hastily...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
I keep sending my information to the bank but they claim itβs too crooked to read.
They need to get their fax straight.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 18 2020
My friend knits portraits of famous people. I told her the eyebrows are too high ...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 24 2020
YSK: Drinking tea while being too relaxed can kill you
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
I'm offended too
What did the fence say when someone said something mean about him?
"That's offensive"
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 06 2020
Sorry if this joke is too callus
π︎ 22
π
︎ Feb 25 2020
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
I told my wife she drew her eyebrows too high....
π︎ 105
π
︎ Apr 22 2020
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high
π︎ 28
π
︎ Apr 24 2020
I told my daughter she was drawing her eyebrows too high
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 22 2020
Told my wife she trimmed her eyebrows too high.
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 08 2020
I told my wife she painted her eyebrows too high.
π︎ 98
π
︎ Mar 20 2020
I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
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