I was caught cheating in a big tongue-twister tournament

The judge is bound to give me a tough sentence

πŸ‘οΈŽ 408
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2021
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πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Pollworker54
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 25 2020
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How do you turn your tongue into a superhero?

You just bite it really hard. It will become Thor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 68
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2021
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Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he drank coffee before it was cool.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 118
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DiosMioMan2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 21 2021
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Why did the hipster burn his tongue on a piece of pizza?

He ate it before it was cool

πŸ‘οΈŽ 153
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Toku-Nation
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 25 2021
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The world tongue twister champion just got arrested.

I heard they're going to give him a really tough sentence...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 63
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 23 2021
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World renowned tongue twister champion was officially charged in court today

They gave him a tough sentence. He got off better than his accomplice, The semi-colon, who is in between two complete sentences.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/skycooper11
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 15 2020
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I'd like to tell you my favorite tongue-twister.

But it's hard to say.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 13 2020
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Tongue, Teeth, Saliva, Roof, Soft Palate, Hard Palate, Uvuula, Taste Buds, Gums...

Wow, that was really a mouthful...

πŸ‘οΈŽ 44
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Talon184
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 07 2020
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 15 2020
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A lobster and a shrimp opened a highly expensive pufferfish shop.

I guess selfish shellfish sell swell fish.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 317
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Loveable_Hemorrhoid
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 09 2021
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A pun that really flows off the tongue
πŸ‘οΈŽ 33
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sandbag747
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 03 2020
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What did the Norse god of thunder say after biting his tongue during an intense weight-lifting session?

Man, I'm thor.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 5
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/jfshay
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 08 2020
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Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion

If found guilty he'll be given a real tough sentence

πŸ‘οΈŽ 273
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 11 2020
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Did you know a cat’s tongue is rough?

You’d think it’d be meow.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Limelight_019283
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 16 2020
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Why is it my mother tongue and not my father tongue?

Because my mom doesn't allow my dad to say anything

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/moiKeshav
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 17 2020
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My dog cut his tongue.

Now he's got a crease in his pants.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/InterwebWeasel
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2020
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Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...

"I'm on antidepressants."

He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.

Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thebikerdad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 19 2019
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Isn’t it weird how cats tongues are so rough

You’d think they’d be meow

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/kalebsantos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2020
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Is there some way to describe reading Braille incorrectly?

The words are right on the tip of my tongue.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Trajan_Optimus
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 24 2021
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My sister just lost her tongue in a bad accident.

I wanted to make a joke out of it, but I think it would be very tasteless.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 14
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 08 2020
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If you say β€œgullible” 5 times

Your tongue goes numb.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/havenotredditt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2021
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I cut my tongue so badly it needs surgery to fix!

I can't tell you how much it hurts!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 23 2020
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I recently tried on some new shoes and I told the salesman they felt a bit snug. He told me to try pulling the tongue.

β€œOK,” I said, β€œbuth I don’th know how thith will helpth”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 25 2020
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A joke from my daughter: Where does a tongue go to drop off its old clothes?

The Salivation Army

πŸ‘οΈŽ 1k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KidRadicchio
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 12 2019
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What is made of leather, a foot long and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/HydrosFear
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 17 2020
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I said hi to the sea

It just waved

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Jamie-brittain
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 31 2021
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Why don't people who eat ass make good taste testers?

Their tongues have been TAINTed!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Beastocity1089
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 06 2021
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Cats in Communist countries are forced to eat the same thing every day and it affects their health!

Now they all have Mousey Tongue.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/thomoz
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2021
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Who ever taught my kids to hold their tongue and say things......

You were born on a pirate ship.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Beergelden
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 21 2019
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What made the tongue sad at the doctor’s office?

The doctor brought out the tongue depressor

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/El-Waffle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 02 2020
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Tip of my tongue

Guys, help me out here. I can't remember the name of this old action movie. Bilbo Baggins has to stop a terrorist plot and save his wife in the Nakatomi Towers. Oh, that's it.

Old Hobbits Die Hard.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bigchefpeter
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2020
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How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 22
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/aliceinwonderland5
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 28 2020
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The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested.

I hear they're gonna give him a really tough sentence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 3k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/_kefir
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 01 2020
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The world tongue twister champion got arrested

I hear they are going to give a really tough sentence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/bonp27
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 27 2020
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Police have arrested the world tongue twister champion...

...they say he will be given a tough sentence

πŸ‘οΈŽ 219
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/evac95
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 14 2020
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Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

Because he ate the pizza before it was cool 😎

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/01001000111010000101
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 09 2020
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Police have arrested the world tongue-twister champion.

They said he'll be given a tough sentence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 37
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 23 2020
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They recently arrested the world tongue twister champion

I imagine they'll give him a long sentence

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/imagoblinshark
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 05 2020
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How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He sipped his coffee before it was cool

πŸ‘οΈŽ 61
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blamethedog16
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 02 2020
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Why did the hipster burn his tongue?

He ate his breakfast before it was cool.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/katayda13
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 24 2020
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My sister just lost her tongue in a bad accident.

I wanted to make a joke out of it, but I think it would be very tasteless.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2020
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The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. I hear they’re gonna give him a really tough sentence.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ashwinvias
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 26 2018
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How did the hipster burn their tongue?

Ate their meal before it was cool.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/-Binger
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 14 2020
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Police have arrested the World tongue-twister Champion.

I imagine he'll be given a tough sentence.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 94
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 09 2019
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How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/the-prince-of-pasta
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
My sister just lost her tongue in a bad accident.

I wanted to make a joke out of it, but I think it would be very tasteless.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 40
πŸ’¬οΈŽ
πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Kajinator
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report

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