I present thou with... the Midwest
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spaceformica
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
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If you don't know which member of your family doesn't know the meaning of "thou",

it's you.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2019
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β€œMr. Shakespeare, how doth thou manage to keep your married life interesting?”

Shakespeare: Anne hath a way.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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Doth Thou Have Any Aspirin? ipfs.pics/QmaUpMkNiUyKrnz…
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/interfect
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2015
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Dad dropped this one while watching O Brother, Where Art Thou.

We were watching the movie O Brother, Where Art Thou. I asked "Hey dad, do you know what extradition is?" Dad: "Is that something we used to do?"

Everyone just stared at him with the look of disgust while he giggled like a little school girl.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tylermm23
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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Thou shalt not make soap
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dnbt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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How does Moses make tea?

He brews

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jradio610
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Good Christians always wear masks when going nextdoor, for God hath said:

Thou shalt not COVID thy neighbor's wife.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justryingtokeepup
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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What is SpongeBob’s least desirable personality trait?

He’s too self absorbed.

πŸ‘︎ 295
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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Social distancing isn't just a recommendation, it's a commandment.

Thou shall not COVID thy neighbor's house

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Made this one up in collaboration with my daughter and we’re kinda proud: Which knight is the protector of foods?

Sir Anwrap

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/man_without_wax
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2019
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What do you ask a medieval crustacean when you want them to feel the music?

Art thou feeling it now Mr. krabs?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mashed_potato00
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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2019 in 5 words:

Two thou sand nine teen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/harrison822
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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My girlfriend walked out on me for being too old fashioned.

I thought we had good alchemy.

πŸ‘︎ 483
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TongueSupper
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2018
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I used to be a banker

But I lost interest

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/command_613
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2017
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(Request) Need a good pun name for a YouTube show.

Greeting punny people, I require your services to name an upcoming show on my YouTube channel.

The show will be about my first impressions on indie games that have been provided to me by developers. I need a humorous name that includes the word "indie" somehow.

Example: I have another show where I cover games over on Itch.io that I call "Scratching The Itch.io".

Thou shalt be credited for the name during the first episode.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Patty-Jack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2017
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Shakespeare must have been a dad.

From othello:

Cassio:Dost thou hear, my honest friend?

Clown: No I hear not your honest friend, I hear you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Meteroid16
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2015
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Today's the day before my dad's birthday, he makes the same joke about it every year.

[Having breakfast with my folks]

Dad: "This is my favorite day of the year."

Me: "Oh yeah 'cause it's your birthday tomorrow right?"

Dad: "No, because today is the one day out of the year where the date is a command!"

Me: "Oh god, not this agai-"

Dad: [cutting me off with a booming impression of a Roman centurion] "MARCH FORTH OR THOU SHALT BE FIFTH! And that's me I'm March 5th."

Me: "Walked right into that one again.."

Dad: "Same time next year?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeonDoucette
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2015
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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