TIL: Two elephants of the same herd wonβt go into the same body of water together at the same time.
Itβs because they only have one pair of trunks between the two of them.
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︎ Jul 22 2020
The bomb didn't want to go off.
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︎ Jul 02 2020
Why did sin and tan not go to the party?
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︎ Jul 14 2020
My wife is returning to the office and thus has to go back to wearing work outfits. One of her complaints was that wearing a bra was such a drag...
Iβve always found them to be very uplifting.
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︎ Jul 28 2020
Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: Itβs may.
Student: No, itβs January
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︎ Jul 27 2020
A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said
βYesβ βOuiβ βSΓβ βJaβ
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︎ Apr 11 2020
You should go to the candle store...
Theyβre having a blowout sale.
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︎ Jul 19 2020
Where did the hacker go?
I don't know, he ransomware
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︎ Mar 28 2020
Why did the mushroom go the the party?
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︎ Jul 17 2020
Where do you go when you see the same post twice?
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︎ Jul 25 2020
They said gloves and a mask would be enough to go to the supermarket..
They lied, everyone else had their clothes on
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︎ Mar 23 2020
My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, "NOT THE KRYPTONITE!" and I said, "That's Superman..."
"Thanks, man," he replied, "I've been practising a lot."
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︎ May 24 2020
Why did the banana go to the hospital?
Because it wasn't peeling very well
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︎ Jul 28 2020
When you die which organ is the last to go?
They eyes because they di-late
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︎ Jun 25 2020
As a doctor, whenever I hear someone crying from the waiting room that they want to get a lollipop and go home, I think to myself
They must be a little patient.
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︎ Jul 25 2020
Why did the chicken go to the gym?
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︎ Jun 13 2020
I burst into the kitchen and shouted at my wife, "Honey! Whatever you do, do NOT let them take your temperature on your forehead when you go into the supermarket!! It erases your memory!! I went in for bread and milk like you asked..."
"...and came out with two cases of beer!!!"
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︎ Jul 28 2020
I could borrow the step-stool from my mom, OR i could go buy something taller.
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︎ Jul 13 2020
Why did the lonely chess player go to Czechoslovakia?
Because he wanted a Czech mate!
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︎ Jul 07 2020
If you go into the bathroom an American, and you leave the bathroom an American, what are you while youβre in the bathroom?
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︎ Jul 11 2020
Why did the beekeeper go to the doctor?
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︎ Jul 25 2020
Why did the bum go to the hospital?
Because it had a fart attack
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︎ Jul 28 2020
Why do boats never go to sleep after they leave the dock?
Because they leave a wake.
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︎ Jul 18 2020
What condiment needs to go to the restroom the most?
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︎ Jul 10 2020
Why did the bag of crisps go to the hospital?
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︎ Jul 25 2020
If you're Canadian when you go into the bathroom and again when you come out.. What are you whilst you're in there?
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︎ Jul 02 2020
Why did the devil go down to georgia?
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︎ Jul 07 2020
Iβve been wanting to go ice skating for a while. My friends bought me a pair of skates recently, but they broke on the first use!
If you ask me, theyβre cheapskates.
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︎ Jun 20 2020
Why did the curio cabinet go out on the water at night?
Because he was a Star-Skiin' Hutch.
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︎ Jul 19 2020
Why did the toilet roll go down the hill?
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︎ Jul 12 2020
I was pulled over with my son in the car for speeding. Got a ticket. Then the officer said Iβm free to go.
I replied βactually it cost me about $80β
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︎ Jul 15 2020
As we were getting ready to go to the beach, I reluctantly said to my wife, "I hate to say this honey, but your bikini is kinda tight and revealing." She giggled and said...
"Well then, you'd better wear your own!"
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︎ Jul 09 2020
Why doesn't the skeleton go to the prom?
Because he had nobody to go with!
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︎ Jul 04 2020
How did the invention of the shovel go?
It was βground breakingβ
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︎ Jun 02 2020
Why did the gun go off on someone?
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︎ Jul 26 2020
Why did the mycologist go up into the hills?
He wanted to find the morel high ground.
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︎ Jul 19 2020
Why donβt you hear psychiatrists when they go to the bathroom?
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︎ May 17 2020
Why did the A go to the bathroom and come out as an E?
Because he had a vowel movement.
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︎ Jul 02 2020
If we can go to the gym for body building
Why can't we go to the hospital for anti body building?
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︎ Jul 08 2020
Why did the cake go to the doctor?
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︎ May 21 2020
What time in the day do most people go to the dentist?
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︎ Jul 11 2020
I have an appointment to go to the dentist
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︎ Jul 12 2020
Where do Bees go to the bathroom?
The Bee Pee (BP) station!
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︎ Jun 25 2020
What time did the man go to the dentist?
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︎ Jul 01 2020
My friend moved to the Himalayas so he could go around jabbing wild oxen with needles
He practices yakupuncture.
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︎ Jun 29 2020
Me: how about we both decide to go to the carnival?
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︎ Jun 27 2020
My wife asked me to go get 6 cans of Sprite from the grocery store
I realized when I got home that I had picked 7 up.
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︎ Jun 21 2020
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
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︎ Apr 29 2020
Why did the bread not go to the doctor?
Because it felt butter in the morning.
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︎ Apr 21 2020
"I always try to go the extra mile for my customers."
Said the city's most hated cab driver.
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︎ May 28 2020
Why did the robot go to the shoe shop?
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︎ Jun 16 2020
Why did the robot go on a murderous rampage?
He was made from 100% American copper.
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︎ Jun 30 2020
Where did the two bees go on their honeymoon?
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︎ Apr 28 2020
TIL The 1st United States Volunteer Cavalry, one of three such regiments raised in 1898 for the SpanishβAmerican War, had dogs to go with them...
The were The Ruff Riders.
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︎ Jul 01 2020
Why did the Hobbits go to McDonalds?
To get a second breakfast!
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︎ Jun 28 2020
I asked Dad how he plans to spend the day. He said, "first, Mom and I will go pick up our prescription glasses"
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︎ May 29 2020
Why did the picture go to jail?
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︎ Apr 24 2020
βͺMy son asked me to go into the house so he can tell me something funny...β¬
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︎ Jun 19 2020
Why didn't the Egg go to the Comedy festival?
He heard that the comics had the crowds cracking up
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︎ May 23 2020
Why did the baker go to work?
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︎ May 07 2020
I hate it when people can't let go of the past.
Debt collectors are the worst.
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︎ May 28 2020
A surgeon had three surgeries assigned to the same day. After the first one he said: "One done, tumor to go"
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︎ May 08 2020
Why teddy bears don't go to the gym?
They don't wanna get ripped
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︎ Apr 17 2020
Where does a UFC fighter go if they die in the octagon?
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︎ Jun 15 2020
When my Himalayan friend told his son to go sheer a yak's fur, the son replied...
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︎ Jun 07 2020
I was checking out at the grocery store today and the bagger was holding my stuff over the shopping cart and asked: βsir, would you like to go out with the cart?β. To which I replied βoh, no thanks Iβm actually marriedβ. My poor son looked mortified. Dad joke status ACHIEVED.
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︎ Nov 30 2019
Why did the snooker player go to the toilet?
He wanted to pot the brown.
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︎ Jun 01 2020
We were camping near the lake and my wife wanted to go canoeing...
She asked: "Which paddle should I take? The short wooden one, the long metal one?
I replied: "Doesn't matter, its either-oar situation"
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︎ Jun 12 2020
You go into the bathroom American, and you come out American... What are you when you're in the bathroom?
European
I figured we could all use a light hearted chuckle right about now.
Love you all out there and stay well!
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︎ Apr 24 2020
Why did the donut go to the dentist?
To get a chocolate filling
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︎ May 14 2020
Why did the sun never go to college?
It already has thousands of degrees.
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︎ Apr 09 2020
My son wanted to go on the metal slide at the park today, it was 38Β°c
I told him that was suislide
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︎ Jun 06 2020
Why donβt some couples go to the gym?
Because some relationships donβt work out.
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︎ May 06 2020
I was going grocery shopping this morning. They told me latex gloves and a face mask was enough. So i go in the store and what do i see?
The others are still wearing a t-shirt and pants!
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︎ May 01 2020
where does the pharaoh go when his back hurts
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︎ May 21 2020
Never go to a doctor who does standup comedy on the side.
He'll leave you in stitches.
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︎ May 30 2020
And then go down the drain.
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︎ Apr 18 2020
Why did the moon go to the bank?
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︎ May 26 2020
I'm surprised people in the Swedish capital are so reluctant to go on lockdown
You'd think they were used to being stuck home
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︎ Apr 23 2020
Why couldnβt the shellfish farmer go for a run?
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︎ May 17 2020
So me and Eddie Vedder go camping, but he insists on building the fire
He says βMy campfires are better, man.β
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︎ May 27 2020
Why did the DJ go to Schrute Farm?
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︎ May 22 2020
Why did the turtle go to T-mobile
Because he couldn't sprint
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︎ Apr 18 2020
Why did the skeleton go to the museum?
Because it wanted to go see the skull-ptures.
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︎ Apr 18 2020
If one person has to go to the bathroom, they have to pee
If two or more people have to go to the bathroom, they have to queue
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︎ Mar 22 2020
Why did the Pharaoh and his girlfriend go to a Mexican restaurant?
Because they knew theyβd have a toot-in-common!
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︎ May 21 2020
What time should you go to the Dentist?
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︎ Jun 26 2020
What is the best time to go to the dentist?
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︎ Jun 25 2020
What is the best time to go to dentist?
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︎ May 27 2020
They said a mask and gloves were enough to go to the supermarket
They lied, everyone else has clothes on
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︎ May 08 2020
When is the best time to go to the dentist?
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︎ Jun 03 2020
At what time do you go to the dentist?
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︎ May 28 2020
Why did the 'A' go to the bathroom and come out an 'E'?
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︎ Jan 27 2020
My friend asked me if I wanted to hear a really good Batman impression, so I said go on then. He shouted, βNOT THE KRYPTONITE!β and I said, βThatβs Supermanβ¦β
βThanks, man, β he replied, βIβve been practising it a lot.β
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︎ Aug 14 2019
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