My wife beamed at me and said, β€œI had no idea our son would go that far!” Tearing up, I stammered, β€œI know!"

"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Just heard the world paper tearing champion has died....

RIP.

πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
It's TEAring them apart
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/punteas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
An ancient Greek playwright was suffering writer’s block. Kept scribbling down lines and then tearing up the pages.

Picking up the torn pages, his friend asked, β€œWhy Euripides?”

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pirate-fool
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I learned a spell that stops paper from tearing!

It's a Can'tRip

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rhedkiex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...

"You know, one would have been enough."

πŸ‘︎ 476
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LayThatPipe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked my girlfriend if I could make her mine. "Yes! Oh, yes!" she shouted, eyes filling with tears. "Great!" I said.

"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
🚨︎ report
If the winner of a competition cries happy tears, what does the runner up cry?

Second tears.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/logansworth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, β€œIf you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”

I replied, β€œI'm on the toilet, please advise…”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"

The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The man who invented velcro died today :(

Rip

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/schwifty98
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears...

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/csgo_Kriptonas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A proud dad sits down to have a drink with his father.

"Well son , now that you have got a kid of your own, i think it's time to give you this."

"Dad you don't mean-"

"Yes son ,i do" Dad pulls out the copy of 1001 Dad Jokes,5th Edition

"Dad... i am honoured..." , He says , tears sparkling in his eyes.

"Hi honoured" , replies his father , "i'm dad".

πŸ‘︎ 427
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Setsunai___
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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Aaah yess sire,
πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Banoooooooo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of pants does a ninja wear?

KIHAAKIIKS

-Courtesty of my girlfriend I've never been more proud

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nerdtopic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2021
🚨︎ report
When I post a joke and no one rates...

I just assume they all died from laughter.

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Proud dad moment happened today!

My son and I were driving home from his baseball practice when we see a car with a vinyl wrap. All digital camo. I point it out and said β€œthat’s a nice car huh?” And he replies β€œwhat car? All I see are wheels.” It took me a second to realize what he said. So I looked over to him he had the biggest smirk on his face. I almost teared up.

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BakedDoeBoy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Wanna hear a joke about paper?

Oh nevermind. It's tear-ible.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CuteAutumnBear
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
The wedding was so touching that

even the cake was in tiers.

Edit: Thank you so much guys! I never expected this to reach 10k upvotes! You guys truly made my day.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/anoobypro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
After years of trying, a woman tells her husband she is pregnant.

The man, tearing up, takes his wife's hand and says, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm going to be a dad."

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stress-Thick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I got tear free soap in my eye

It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Firebird_Frenzy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is inventing breakthrough upholstery fabric that can self-mend rips and tears. When I asked how he's progressing, he replied....

Sofa sew good.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/writenroll
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
When my kids found that the fall term would be completely online, the result was instant drama and tears.

But now that we had a few drinks, we feel better.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
(On The Spot Joke) My Partner was in bed cracking her back and asked.....

β€œHey can you hear my back crack”

I replied β€œyea can you hear my ass crack” then proceeded with the filthiest fart known to man

Absolute crack up. Hahahahahah even she laughed

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BaccyBuegs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you seen my bodily fluids jar?

i put my blood, sweat, and tears into it

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/natsirTi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
The Worst Dad Joke

Today, my daughter asked β€œCan I have a bookmark?” and I burst into tears. . .

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.

He said, "No hablo Ingles."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StrawHatHS
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Protestant hits tear gas back
πŸ‘︎ 376
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mohansadumbutt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road???

It was stuck in a crack.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Daymondotcom
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I only got eleven of them, tear wisely
πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Breadimo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What does Keanu Reeves use to dry his tears when Keanu Grieves?

Keanu Sleeves

πŸ‘︎ 385
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Delicious_Albino
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you do when you accidentally tear Lord Elrond’s woven cloak?

Hugo Weaving

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucioboops3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."

...independent!"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A man and his boy are out on their first camping trip...

They get into a huge fight about the best way to start the camp fire.

The two sit in silence for a few moments, cold and frustrated

The dad promptly reaches into his backpack, grabs a pair of scissors and tears into the wall of their canvas shelter.

The son yells, "What the heck are you doing, you maniac?!!?!?"

The dad turns to him, looks him dead in the eyes, and says, "Just trying to cut the tent-son."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wushock4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.

Tearfully, I asked him why. He just looked at me and said, "They're GREAT!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Grif
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,

β€œYou know, one would have been enough.”

πŸ‘︎ 899
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunken-ship-daddy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
🚨︎ report
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,

β€œYou know, one would have been enough.”

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheFirst
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he broke down into tears.

He turned towards me and said, "One would've been enough, son."

πŸ‘︎ 926
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_joshi_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:

Y’know, one would have been enough.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meditate_medicate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said

Y'know, one would have been enough.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikatnite825050
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
πŸ‘︎ 43k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ebkbk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:

"you know, one would have been enough"

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zekesnack
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,

β€œYou know, one would have been enough.”

πŸ‘︎ 32k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Today my son asked β€œCan I have a book mark?” And I burst into tears. 15 years and he still doesn’t know my names Brian.

[removed]

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
πŸ‘︎ 282
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruchi565
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said

"You know, one would have been enough."

πŸ‘︎ 134
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JustMy2Coppers
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can i have a book mark?" And i burst into tears

11 years old and he still doesnt know my name is Brian

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RussiaIsMyCity
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Today my son asked "can i have a book mark?" I burst into tears.

He is 11 years old and still doesn't know my name is Brian

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whymustudodat
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my son asked "Can I have a bookmark?" and I burst into tears.

11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report

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