My wife beamed at me and said, “I had no idea our son would go that far!” Tearing up, I stammered, “I know!"
"The trebuchet is amazing! Go get our daughter!"
Just heard the world paper tearing champion has died....
An ancient Greek playwright was suffering writer’s block. Kept scribbling down lines and then tearing up the pages.
Picking up the torn pages, his friend asked, “Why Euripides?”
I learned a spell that stops paper from tearing!
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said...
"You know, one would have been enough."
I asked my girlfriend if I could make her mine. "Yes! Oh, yes!" she shouted, eyes filling with tears. "Great!" I said.
"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"
If the winner of a competition cries happy tears, what does the runner up cry?
My wife sent me a heartwarming text that read, “If you're sleeping, send me your dreams. If you're laughing, send me your smile. If you're eating, send me a bite. If you're drinking, send me a sip. If you're crying, send me your tears. I love you!”
I replied, “I'm on the toilet, please advise…”
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
The man who invented velcro died today :(
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears...
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
A proud dad sits down to have a drink with his father.
"Well son , now that you have got a kid of your own, i think it's time to give you this."
"Dad you don't mean-"
"Yes son ,i do"
Dad pulls out the copy of 1001 Dad Jokes,5th Edition
"Dad... i am honoured..." , He says , tears sparkling in his eyes.
"Hi honoured" , replies his father , "i'm dad".
What kind of pants does a ninja wear?
KIHAAKIIKS
-Courtesty of my girlfriend I've never been more proud
When I post a joke and no one rates...
I just assume they all died from laughter.
Proud dad moment happened today!
My son and I were driving home from his baseball practice when we see a car with a vinyl wrap. All digital camo. I point it out and said “that’s a nice car huh?” And he replies “what car? All I see are wheels.” It took me a second to realize what he said. So I looked over to him he had the biggest smirk on his face. I almost teared up.
Wanna hear a joke about paper?
Oh nevermind. It's tear-ible.
The wedding was so touching that
even the cake was in tiers.
Edit: Thank you so much guys! I never expected this to reach 10k upvotes! You guys truly made my day.
After years of trying, a woman tells her husband she is pregnant.
The man, tearing up, takes his wife's hand and says, "Hi, Pregnant. I'm going to be a dad."
I got tear free soap in my eye
It hurts like heck but at least I’m not crying
My friend is inventing breakthrough upholstery fabric that can self-mend rips and tears. When I asked how he's progressing, he replied....
When my kids found that the fall term would be completely online, the result was instant drama and tears.
But now that we had a few drinks, we feel better.
(On The Spot Joke) My Partner was in bed cracking her back and asked.....
“Hey can you hear my back crack”
I replied “yea can you hear my ass crack” then proceeded with the filthiest fart known to man
Absolute crack up. Hahahahahah even she laughed
Have you seen my bodily fluids jar?
i put my blood, sweat, and tears into it
The Worst Dad Joke
Today, my daughter asked “Can I have a bookmark?” and I burst into tears. . .
After 12 years of therapy, my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes.
He said, "No hablo Ingles."
Protestant hits tear gas back
Why couldn't the toilet paper cross the road???
I only got eleven of them, tear wisely
What does Keanu Reeves use to dry his tears when Keanu Grieves?
What do you do when you accidentally tear Lord Elrond’s woven cloak?
My daughter turned 18 today, so I bought her a locket and put her picture in it. As I gently placed it around her neck, chocking back the tears, I said, "Well, sweetheart, I guess you really are..."
A man and his boy are out on their first camping trip...
They get into a huge fight about the best way to start the camp fire.
The two sit in silence for a few moments, cold and frustrated
The dad promptly reaches into his backpack, grabs a pair of scissors and tears into the wall of their canvas shelter.
The son yells, "What the heck are you doing, you maniac?!!?!?"
The dad turns to him, looks him dead in the eyes, and says, "Just trying to cut the tent-son."
Tony the tiger ate both of my grandmother's parents.
Tearfully, I asked him why.
He just looked at me and said,
"They're GREAT!"
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he broke down into tears.
He turned towards me and said, "One would've been enough, son."
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:
Y’know, one would have been enough.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
Y'know, one would have been enough.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said:
"you know, one would have been enough"
As I handed my Dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said,
“You know, one would have been enough.”
Today my son asked “Can I have a book mark?” And I burst into tears. 15 years and he still doesn’t know my names Brian.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears. 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
Today, my son asked "Can i have a book mark?" And i burst into tears
11 years old and he still doesnt know my name is Brian
Today my son asked "can i have a book mark?" I burst into tears.
He is 11 years old and still doesn't know my name is Brian
Today, my son asked "Can I have a book mark?" and I burst into tears
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
Today, my son asked "Can I have a bookmark?" and I burst into tears.
11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Brian.
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