Well it’s a baby. It can’t walk hardly.
...I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed.
A police officer radioed to headquarters: "Chief we've got a situation here. A woman just shot her husband for walking on a freshly mopped floor."
Chief: "Did you arrest her?"
Officer: "Not yet. The floor's still wet."
So I said “yeah, I rang a bell and then fed her”
Because he conditioned it. 😂
Because he conditions it.
Bubble gum
"See ya later said the blind man!"
But my therapist thought that was a bad idea. He said it was not healthy to bottle emotions. Others told me that the product would fizz in sales.
Wow, that was really a mouthful...
Minnesota
Minnesota ! HA!
He dismantles them for a living.
he was lucky it was a soft drink
It's been logged out.
Yeti never complains.
Don't worry, I'm not hurt. It was a soft drink.
1: I had a crazy dream last night! I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. Turns out it was just a Fanta sea. 2: Can February March? No, but April May. 3: I was wondering why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. 4: Never trust an atom, they make up everything! 5: I made a pun about the wind but it blows. 6: I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off! 7: What did the sushi say to the bee? Wasabee! 8: Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink! 9: I asked a Frenchman if he played video games. He said Wii
¿Pep? ¡Sí!
I told him I have no hard feelings.
"Where are the reinforcemints"
He was a bartender.
It's an infantile problem
I guess he didn't expect a my tea throw.
Address
Edit: Wow! I never thought my first award would be for a dad joke. Thanks anonymous redditor.
The slowest swimmer.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit ➡Nothing, they're both felines
Because they can’t walk hardly.
Because he conditioned it.
Chewing gum !
Because he conditioned it.
Pasta you pervert
Luckily, it was a soft drink.
He conditioned it
Because he conditioned it
Because he conditioned it.
Minnesota
Because he conditioned it.
He conditioned it.
I'm okay, it was a soft drink.
Because he conditioned it.
It was just soda grading
Luckily it was a soft drink.
