Sniffing Puns

A meth lab

I got off on a peel!

A pair-a-dogs

He got so ill he fell into a korma!

When he was finished, he looked at the other dog and said, “Clean up that mess.”

The other dog sniffed the pile and said, “Nope. That’s your asphalt!”

My fiancee and I just found out there is asbestos in our apartment. My mom texted me and asked how I was doing after she found out. I texted back "were doing asbestos we can."

drops mic exits stage left

Edit: corrected spelling of fiancee because I am a heterosexual male.

Edit: holy shit this thread is spreading like cancer.

On the night walk with our 2 pups. One is obsessed with toads and every item on the road is suspiciously inspected. Frequently a leaf is sniffed and nosed to encourage a leap. Tonight, a piece of gravel caught her eye with exuberant tailnub wagging! “Oh pupper that isn’t sedentary; it’s sedimentary.”

Hope you like it too.

Rabbit Farts!!

Santa asked Rudolph to let him know if it was going to rain. Rudolph sniffed the air and affirmed that it was going to rain. Surprised, Mrs. Claus asked Santa “How did Rudolph know it is going to rain?” “Because” replied Santa “Rudolph the red knows rain, dear.”

Eric Clapton wouldn't drop a bag of cocaine

He knocks on our door and before even stepping in, he goes "Did you hear about that guy across the road? He was taken away by the police last night when they found him getting high in the supermarket car park sniffing batteries."

"Sniffing batteries!? I didn't even know that was a thing. What do you reckon they're going to do with him?" I said innocently. Then I saw this big smug shit-eating grin, and immediately knew what was coming.

"I dunno, I'm guessing they're going to leave him in a dry cell until they figure out what to charge him with."

Girl on the show is addicted to sniffing moth balls and he says:

"It must be hard for those moths to fly with balls that big."

<driving, everyone sniffing the air>

Daughter: "That's not my fault. I didn't fart."

Mom: "No, I think that's the road work over there."

Dad: "Yeah, that's asphalt and not your ass fault."

2 year old wanted to pretend my wife was a doctor and he and I were her patients. Aside from my waggling my eyebrows and telling her I'd play doctor with her later, while we were laying on the ground, our cat came up and started sniffing me.

I told my wife that I didn't consent to the CAT scan.

Now she needs a doctor after her eyes rolled out of her head.

"The first sniffed the air and said 'I smell pasta."

"The second sniffed the air and said 'I smell pasta too."

"The third one sniffed the air and said 'Really? All I smell are molasses"

I love my dad.