Why did the tailor pounced on a crow sitting on a well?

Because he was a velcro.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/saurabhn24
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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Whilst watching the football my dad pounced like a humour tiger

We were watching the England Italy game and Raheem Stirling made a good run to the box, the commentator then says "great effort by Stirling there" to which my dad responded "shouldn't that be a Sterling effort?"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/nothayesnewton
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2014
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Early morning work groans are the best groans

A little too proud of this one...

So I’m on my usual Tuesday morning conference call with a bunch of vendors, coworkers, bosses, etc...

With his dog barking in the background one of my bosses chimes in and says β€œJust so you all know, I’m on the call but I’m outside right now having my roof looked at so I might be a little distracted”.

I couldn’t resist... With the instincts of a wild puma plotting against it’s poor defenseless prey, I pounce...

β€œIs your dog lookin at it?

Cuz he keeps saying ROOF!!! ROOF ROOF!!!”

I was immediately rewarded with a spectacular cacophony of groans and β€œthat was awful”’s... It was glorious. I’m pretty sure I’ll get another promotion for it.

EDIT: So... no promotion... but in a pure, hilarious coincidence, I actually DID just get the news that I'm finally getting that raise they promised me at my last review. Too fuckin funny.

πŸ‘︎ 437
πŸ‘€︎ u/OreoGaborio
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2018
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My boss went to have coffee at 11 am.

So I immediately pounced upon the opportunity and forwarded the time in his laptop by 6 hours.

When he returned, I said, "I'm leaving now. It's 5 PM already."

"Oh yes it is," He said, "See you tomorrow."

"It fucking worked!" I thought to myself, as I jolted towards home.

I then enjoyed my entire day and was sleeping peacefully at night, when my phone suddenly rang at 3:15 AM.

He said, "Hurry up, you're 15 minutes late for work."

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Dad joked at a barbecue

We had just finished barbecuing, and my sister accidentally dropped her hot dog on the floor. My parent's dog instantly pounced on it and scarfed it down in one bite.

My grandpa then turned to me with the biggest shit-eating grin:

"It's a dog-eat-dog world."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2014
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So I dadjoked my mom the other day

My mother was complaining about how she has to do so much cooking, cleaning, and other house chores. My dad was trying to calm her down when she blurts out "What do I look like? Cinderella?" I saw the opening and pounced on it. "Well if the shoe fits" I said. The glorious feeling as she groaned at how bad it was while my dad laughed was so satisfying. My future children will stand no chance.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ‘€︎ u/kingpin504
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2014
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Was awarded a glare from my wife this morning

When making her morning coffee, she was telling me all about this new vanilla creamer in a foaming spray can she bought last night. I quickly identified my prey and pounced.


"Well... when you try it, I hope you like it a latte."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Paul_Cinnabunyan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2017
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Trying to lighten up the mood at the DMV.

I was registering a vehicle to my name that I bought off a guy who had a lean out on it. The credit union who was holding the title took forever and a day to send it my way. Well in California, you need to transfer the vehicle in under five days of the purchase. Unknowingly, I waltz into the joint expecting a boom bam thank you ma'am process. Low and behold the clerk says I owe a hundred and some odd bucks for being late, but I explained her the situation and since it was not my fault she flopped the form to waive this fee.

I saw my opportunity and I pounced...

"So this is the....Tidal Wave?"

I get a blank stare for a solid ten seconds and she slaps down another form saying that I owe 500 dollars in taxes. Good ol' California DMV.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ‘€︎ u/my_leggg_guy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2014
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