A midget stumbles out of the bar...

He was a little drunk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
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A pirate is transported to modern day and stumbles upon a lumber mill while looking for work. When the pirate is asked if he knows how to use any of the tools...

He replies, "Arkansas".

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dominant_Dankster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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A Scotsman stumbles out of the bar and as he is walking down the street, he walks past a girl.

The girl asks, β€œis it true that there’s nothing under that kilt of yours?” The Scotsman replies, β€œwhy don’t you reach under and see for yourself?” The girl reaches under his kilt and quickly removes her hand. β€œDear god, that’s gruesome!”

The Scotsman replied back β€œAye, and if you reach up under there again, you’ll see it’s gruesome more.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jetmover78
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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A man stumbles upon a lamp and a genie pops out and offers him 3 wishes.

Man: β€œFor my first wish I'd like to be rich."

Genie: β€œAlright Rich, what's your second wish".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsVinay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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2 conspiracy theorists stumble upon each other,

it can't be a coincidence

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πŸ‘€︎ u/S_yNtaX
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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I read about one famous detective. Man was always catching criminals by simple luck. Either he would just luckily stumble across damning evidence or luckily catch the criminal in the act.

I think his name was Sheer luck Holmes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/clahws
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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I love the fleeting second of shock you get when you stumble over an extension cord.

Seriously, what a power trip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JediWithBenefits
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
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Everytime i stumble when walking

Everytime im out walking with my dad and i manage to trip, he always hits me with "Enjoy your trip?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xkingxdreadx
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2014
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Last evening I walked up the hill in the park to see the planets. Stumbled over a lip in the concrete and went down pretty hard. Ripped pants and skinned hands and knees. When I got to the top I couldn't see a thing.

The view was not worth the trip.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Think_Naught
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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"Are those your pants, stumbling around by themselves and puking all over everything?"

"Yeah, they're my high/wasted jeans."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pj566
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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I stumbled/fell on my way up the stairs today.

Girlfriends reaction "OMG did you hurt yourself?"

"No, but I felt the gravity of the situation"

Her response was attempted murder by trying to push me down the stairs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hitno
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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A cow stumbled into a pot field.

The steaks have never been higher.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/-Masderus-
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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What did redditor say when he stumbled upon a mouse nest with 69 of them there?

Ah, Mice.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KevinK15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.

I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/U4gotmycheese
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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Awhile ago my roomate moved out, i was cleaning his old room when I stumbled upon a fake mustache in a box under his bed, when i asked him about it he replied:

β€œYou finally found it, my secret stache”

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jacaboi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
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Three women were on the run from the law (A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead).

Their car breaks down next to a corn field and they decide to run through it as the law is quickly approaching. They stumble upon a barn. Inside they find three burlap sacks and one of them suggests they should each hide inside one. Shortly after, the sherriff and his deputies arrive at the barn. They notice the three sacks. The sheriff kicks the first one containing the brunette and she says "Meow, meow." "Oh it's just a sack of kittens." One of the deputies says. The sherriff kicks the sack where the redhead is hiding and she says "woof, woof." "That's just a sack of puppies" they say. The sherriff kicks the third sack with the blonde inside and she exclaims "Potato, potato."

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmd1234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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My beekeeping brother stumbled upon my collection of honeybee legs, screaming "What the hell is this?"

I responded, "It's none of your bee's knees."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Stumbled across an unforseen pun
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sam-Galloway
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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I just stumbled on this subreddit, and I'd like explain why (from an outsider's perspective) this sort of thing is not my cup of tea.

It's because this is my cup of tea.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aspacecodyssey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2015
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I was out hunting in the forest with my shotgun...

... and stumbled across a naked woman. She started flirting with me, so I asked her if she was game.

She replied yes, so I shot her.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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I was naturally excited to have stumbled upon this sub, the goldmine of dadjokes. Couldn’t wait to use one of it...so one day while I was browsing, my son asked what was I reading? I took a deep breath of absolute euphoria and satisfaction, grinned widely and said, β€œThey r/dadjokes.”

The son said, β€œWhat’s slash dad jokes?” Kids, right!

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/unlucky_genius
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
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I just randomly stumbled across a place that sells random little things in the middle of nowhere

It was quite bazaar

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBritishSnob
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2018
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An Irishman finds a genie

All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.

So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself β€œooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”

So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, β€œOh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”

The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts β€œtree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”

The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. β€œWell I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, β€œAhhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping β€œbulp!”, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. β€œWELL I’LL BE! THAT’S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!”

The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman β€œMaster, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?”

The Irishman looks to the genie and says β€œoh tat’s easy! I’ll have two more of these!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bbacconnn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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A friend of mine stumbled over a hole and fell.

Now, he has trypophobia.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lykanthrocide
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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Stumbled across this comment thread
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TehCatalyst
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2015
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A man was trotting across the Prairie when is horse suddenly died...

It took him three days to make it to the closest town. To his dismay, nobody in that town had a horse for sale. So he started walking to the next town. After three days the man, exhausted, started asking around and looking for a horse for sale.Again, nobody could help him.He did,however,stumbled upon a place that sold horses but the man in charge was fresh out.

"Sold my last one just yesterday,"he said."I do, however, have a brother that sells horses. He's about a day's walk west.He owns a corral. He might have a horse to sell you."

So, once again, he sets foot West to the next town and finds the mans brother.

"I heard you might have a horse for sale, he asks."

"Well, I have one, but he don't look so good."he replies.

"I don't care. I've been walking for darn near a week and I'm tired and exhausted. I'll take him."

So after the man pays for the horse, he hops on him takes off and the horse hits a tree and stops.

"Hey,"the man says." I think you sold me a blind horse.Fact is, I'm sure of it!"

"Sir, I told you he don't look so good."the man fires back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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I stumbled across a teeny tiny pepper on my way inside.

It was a little chilly outside.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajd011394
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
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I drunkenly stumbled into the back of a taxi.

The driver said, "If you are sick on one of my seats I will charge you Β£50."

Thankfully I was sick on three of them.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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I went to a friends house party and stumbled onto a cabinet full of jelly....

I guess you could say the party was jam-packed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jokoboko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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Stumbled across this today. That's enough Internet for me.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/megalomaniac71
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
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Two police officers were investigating a murder scene.

They stumble upon a humanoid cement figure.

Officer 1: "Sir, we've found all the evidence we need to prove that this is the murderer's house."

Officer 2: "Why would anyone believe that this is evidence?"

Officer 1: "It's concrete."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brawl_nOyOu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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So I just stumbled across a bunch of videos made by a potato

So far he's my favorite YouTuber

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gratethecheese
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2017
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Restaurant I stumbled upon in a food court last night imgur.com/gFAniWv
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderCunningham
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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Stumbled across this pun, had me giggling for quite some time.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/windir8
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2013
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I saw a crowd of chess enthusiasts talking about how good they were when I was going into the theatre...

.... they were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cwwspurs
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2019
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A Welshman, an Irishman and an Englishman walk into a park and see a slide. This is no ordinary slide, mind you, this slide is magic!

Anything you say as you're going down the slide is what you will land in.

The Irishman goes first.

"A POT OF GOLD!" he yells as he slides down and he lands in a pot of gold.

The Welshman goes next.

"POT OF DIAMONDS!" he yells just as loud as the Irishman and he lands in a pot of diamonds.

The Englishman goes next, but he's been on the drink, so he stumbles his way up the slide, then, as he begins his journey down the slide, he yells, "WEEEEE!"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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Just stumbled on this sub. It's the reason my Dad exists.

So the joke goes "You know, James Madison was a naturalist. A lot of people don't know that. He really loved the environment and care a lot about wildlife. In fact, he tried to put protecting wildlife into the bill of rights, but a lot of people don't know that he was dyslexic too. So when he was writing the 2nd amendment he wrote the right to bear arms, but what he meant was the right to arm bears!"

Just went on a tour of revolutionary battlegrounds (truly amazing if you ever get the chance) and that joke was told in excess of 50 times, no exaggeration.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CyrusGreat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2013
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Stumbled across this dad joke in my math book

http://i.imgur.com/P95DARu.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/White_Shade
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2014
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Stumbled across this online (sorry if repost)

http://i.imgur.com/vytt9Ep.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmashMetal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2014
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The Bacon Tree

The year is 1541 and the French have just begun colonization in North America. Young Jean-Luc is in his newly crafted home when suddenly his friend Jean-Pierre bursts through his front door. 'Jean Luc!' he exclaims. 'You weel nevar believe! I 'ave 'eard word of a bacon tree!'. Jean-Luc looks confused and scoffs 'Imposseeble! You cannot grow BaycON on a tree!'. 'Come! And I weel show you ze bacon tree!'. So Jean-Luc & Jean-Pierre set off down the river, with Jean-pierre providing direction to the enigmatic 'bacon tree'. Finally, they pulled over onto a small beach that lead to a large forest. 'Stay 'ere and watch ze canoe, and I weel bring ze bacon back from ze bacon tree!' said John-Pierre. Hours go by and John-Pierre hasn't returned. As night falls, and Jean-Luc is about to enter the forest to look for his friend, he hears a rustling in the nearby brush, to which Jean-Pierre stumbles out, bloody and with arrows through his legs and arms. 'Jean-Pierre! What 'appened!!' exclaimed Jean-luc. 'Turns out it was not a bacOn tree.....it was an 'AMBUSH!!!'

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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A cow stumbled into a pot field!

The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_AmazingAmanda_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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