Poach Malone
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EDBaker87
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Where did the pear go when it was broke

To the re-pear shop.

Credit goes to my friend who is a dad, and thought this was original.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MOSTLYNICE
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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I got a seasonal card from a poached egg, an English muffin and a slice of Canadian bacon.

It said: Happy Hollandaise!

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/7heJoker
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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I’m strongly against elephant poaching.

It makes the meat stringy and tasteless. Roasting at a medium heat for 40 minutes per pound yields a much better result.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrGonzoDog
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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I poached an egg for breakfast

I didn’t mean to. But apparently egg season ended yesterday and my hunting license expired. Who knew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wondering-knight
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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My food truck idea

Food truck with eggs being the theme in every dish.

"The Poach Coach"

Popular dishes:

  1. Eggs Been a Dick (2 poached eggs and 1 average but adequate size sausage)
  2. Omelette that one slide (you're choice of filling, but don't fucking test me)
  3. The Dwight Yolk Em' (served in a plastic cowboy hat to go. Must eat while walking the streets of Bakersfield) 4.The Mr. Burns Eggcellent Scramble (smithered with cheese)
  4. The Quiche a Grey (oralgasmic quiche with a money shot of sausage gravy)
  5. The John Denver Omelette (full of all kinds of shit)
  6. Jesus'ed egg (basically a deviled egg only more judgmental and boiled in holy water)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sakibombs85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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How do you make an egg laugh?

You tell it a funny yolk.

I hear it really cracks them up.

Alright, alright omelet you get on with your day

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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Does anyone work for HR at Pastures New?

If so, can you please stop poaching my staff?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
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The egg population is rapidly declining

Be sure to watch out for egg poachers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ethanholmes2001
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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A man recently immigrated to a new land were he doesn’t speak the language. His fellow workers take him to lunch everyday. One of them teaches him to order Apple Pie and Coffee for himself. For weeks, this is all he orders.

Morning, Apple Pie and Coffee. Noon, Apple Pie and Coffee. Night, Apple Pie and Coffee. Getting tired of this same meal, he asks his coworkers to teach him a new dish to order. He learns Steak and Eggs.

Waitress: Hiya hon’, Apple Pie and Coffee as usual?

Man (smiling proudly): Steak and Eggs!

Waitress: Oh! Changing it up to day! How would you like your eggs? Scrambled, sunny side up, poached, fried? How would you like your steak? Rare, medium rare, medium, medium well, well? . . . . . .

Man: ... Apple Pie and Coffee.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ObiOneToo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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How do monsters like their eggs?

Terri- fried

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loWbAtTeRy67
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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What kind of hair do they sell at IHOP?

...Eggstensions

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cockinstien
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2017
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A man robbed a ramen shop, but instead of stealing money, he stole 130 eggs.

I guess he likes his eggs poached.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/helad0
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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How do Rhinos and Elephants like their eggs?

Anything but poached!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StalinsChoice
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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Still in the shadow of the master dad.

My parents are in town for a visit. Keep in mind that I have a 3 year old, so the dad jokes have doubled around here lately.

We go eat and I'm sharing a big burger with my wife. It has a fried egg on it, which I don't like, so I gave her the half with the yolk in it. She bit into it and the yolk broke and dribbled all over her hand. Before I could say anything, my dad mumbles, "Looks like the yolk's on you".

I said, " NOOOOOOOOO you beat me to it!" as my wife and my mom rolled their eyes and groaned. I'm pretty good at the dad jokes, but my dad has the grandfather buff or something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtaxNOOOOOO
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2016
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My wife thinks it is not wrong to steal and eat the eggs i just fried

These are not poached eggs, she says.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MogolianShrimp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
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They told me I was too old to hunt for Easter eggs, but the jokes on them!

I prefer mine poached

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NiacTD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2017
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What do you call a chicken that is afraid of the dark?

Chicken

(Credit to my future father in law for this gem)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boilerbob03
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2018
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Hubby got me at dinner :/

Me: I really want to learn how to poach eggs.

Hubby: isn't that illegal?

Ha. Ha.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/genesis530
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2015
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Where were you while we were getting high?

So I was on the red-eye flying overseas to meet my buddies for an epic roadtrip adventure. I got me a first class ticket because YOLO and I always wanted to try those convertible seat/beds.

So in the morning the flight attendants serve breakfast, which includes this tasty soup with poached egg in it. They offered drinks and they had champagne so I thought why the hell not.

There were delays and when we finally landed and I got to our meet up place, my mates were already there and gotten the bong out.

They said, "Where were you while we were getting high?"

"I was having..." and I turned to them, took my sunglasses off, and said, "champagne, soup and ova in the sky."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaudette
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2015
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Was having a brunch with a group of new friends

Everyone was commenting on how good the poached eggs were, and with a dead straight face I say:

"Yeah, poached eggs used to be so popular until they nearly went extinct... Thank god for scrambled."

Dad jokes always break the ice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tropicole
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2016
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Not a dad but dad joke worthy

My friend made poached eggs for breakfast.

Me: you know how to poach eggs?

Him: Yes, I illegally hunt them in the African plains.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/effarigllat726
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2014
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