I still dream about the time in my life when I used to sniff glue. It was many years ago now.

But that sort of thing stick in your mind.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My dad trained his dog to sniff rocks and bark when it found a fossil.

It's a trained barkeologist.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
*sniff sniff*

When you get a Tesla it doesn't come with a new car smell.

It comes with an Elon Musk!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lamecreature118
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I always wondered why my dog has to stop and sniff a ton of things for ages on our daily walks...

...and then it dawned on me she's just checking her peemail.

I suppose this morning's half-hearted squat to pee while moving was a reply-all.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Batshit_Betty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Two snowmen are standing in a field....

One looks over at the other. sniff sniff, β€œDo you smell carrots?”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Auriga1977
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the legally blind man walk into a well

Because he couldn’t see that well

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/EpicGamerman42069
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a dogs favorite bookmark??

Scratch and sniff!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TarnationsNation
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s a line of Coke!
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Harmful_Sadness
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A man takes his sick Chihuahua to the veterinarian.

They’re immediately taken back to a room.

Soon, a Labrador walks in, sniffs the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Then a cat comes in, stares at the Chihuahua for 10 minutes and leaves. Finally, the doctor
comes in, prescribes some medicine and hands the man a $250 bill.

β€œThis must be a mistake,” the man says. β€œI’ve been here only 20 minutes!”

β€œNo mistake,” the doctor says. β€œIt’s $100 for the lab test, $100 for the cat scan and $50 for the medicine.”

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianoMercuri__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Good bakers use real butter so that there is no margarine for error.
πŸ‘︎ 874
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A momma mole, pappa mole and baby mole were sitting in their mole hole.

The dad suddenly sits up, sniffs the air and runs to the narrow opening.

"Somebody is baking! I smell nutmeg!"

The mother runs over and wedges herself in the remaining opening.

"Ooh! I smell vanilla and cinnamon!"

The baby poked and prodded but couldn't get past his mom and dad to smell the outside air.

"Oh man! All I smell is mole asses!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
"I SAID BALD-HEADED, NOT FALLED-DEADED, Ned." -- Homer Simpson
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A dog can't read an MRI.

But catscan.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FriskySour
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Traveling Evangelical Geese...

My morning walk with the dog was cut short today. There's a park we usually wander through so she can sniff and explore, but today we couldn't get in because the path was blocked by an army of angry geese.

I was telling my mom about this and she mentioned there are geese at the river where she and a friend take their dogs, too. She said they must all be in town for some kind of conference. Then she paused for half a second and continued:

I bet it's a religious thing. They're here to preach the goosepel.

(To satisfy the rule: that's a play on gospel.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PupperPuppet
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Doggo tried to catch a fog
πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mohmirza2ooo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
🚨︎ report
A dad joke comic strip

http://imgur.com/14PpzWM

πŸ‘︎ 682
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotPennysUsername
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2016
🚨︎ report
What is a day without laundry money?

A quarter life crisis.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Unnndy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Someone stole my fragrance-free lotion...

It was a scentless act of cruelty.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/l3mm1ng5
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2016
🚨︎ report
A mole family is leaving its burrow for the day...

Dada Mole pokes his nose out of the mole hole, sniffs the air, and licks his lips. β€œMmm, someone nearby is baking.” he says. β€œI smell butter.”

Mama Mole comes up next and sniffs the air. Her eyes light up. "Yes, someone is baking,” she says. β€œI smell sugar!”

Brother Mole is next. β€œMmm, maybe some chocolate!” he exclaims as he does a little dance.

Little Baby Mole is last. He sniffs the air, gags and nearly chokes as he says β€œAll I smell is molasses.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RSS24
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad's favorite jokes from his opa (it runs in the family, evidently)
  1. All good things must come to an end, except for a hot dog, it has two.

  2. (While watching tv) I always wondered why they never invented smellovision... (although sadly that is now a "thing" because of that stupid Honey Boo Boo scratch'n'sniff...siiiigh)

  3. (When Opa had heart-attack symptoms and was getting a sonogram) So is it a boy or a girl? (apparently the humor was lost on the nurse)

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LuneMoth
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
🚨︎ report
Two snowmen are hanging out.

One sniffs and says to the other "Do you smell that? Smells like carrots."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TomatoManTM
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
🚨︎ report
This page brings back fond memories for me. (Dad joke inside as well)

My dad had a real goofy and dadly sense of humor. He past a way about 4 years ago but all the jokes here remind me of the ones he used to make. I'm smiling so hard as I go through these.

One of my favorites was the mole joke: One day a house near a molehill was making pancakes. Daddy mole comes up, sniffs, and says,"I smell pancakes." Mamma mole pops up next to him, sniffs, and says I smell pancakes too!" Baby mole hears his parents but can't get past their rear ends. So he says,"All I smell is molasses!"

7 year old me was in tears every time!

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lets_improve_us
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2013
🚨︎ report
How do puppy pirates look for treasure?

They sniff out the booty

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WHARRGARBLLL
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2017
🚨︎ report
When I was upset as a child, my Dad would always walk in my room, say this with a stone cold face, and then walk out.

Dad: Son I know you're upset. Know what my grandfather used to tell me when I was feeling this down?

Me: sniff What, Dad?

Dad: He would tell me, "Sonny, you stay here, I'm going upstairs to fuck your grandma."

....he also tells my friends this when they come over upset.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zach50295
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
🚨︎ report
Whats a citrus fruits favorite color?

orange.

My 10 year old's first dad joke. sniffs They grow up so fast.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomPerson696
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2016
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a doctor's office and says, "Doc, I'm not feeling well."

The doctor says, "Okay, well have a seat." He then walks out of the room for a moment and comes back with a Labrador Retriever. The dog sniffs him a bit, then the doctor walks him back out of the room with his tail wagging. A couple minutes pass, and the doctor comes back with a cat. He rubs the cat all over the man until it meows, then takes it back out of the room. The doctor then returns and says, "Well, you seem fine to me. That'll be $1000." The man, flabbergasted, yells, "$1000?! There wasn't even anything wrong with me!" The doctor replies, "Well it rounds out to that between the lab work and the cat scan..."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JH456
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2015
🚨︎ report
Scats and Tracks

We were at a bookstore, and my dad was looking at animal field guides:

Me: Hey look, this one says it's for "Texas Wildlife Scats and Tracks."

Dad: Oh yeah? Picks it up

Me: Yeah! With that you'd be able to to tell who's poops were who's.

Dad: Well yeah, it's scratch and sniff.

Said it so matter of fact that I almost missed it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigKiss_LittleHug
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2015
🚨︎ report
I like to collect the stupid things my family says.

This might be a bit long? My family isn't the brightest of individuals.

Sister: My balls are caught in the door!

Me: LOL, WHAT?

Sister: The poof balls on my shoes.


**Grandpa**: I saw you took my junk out of your car and threw it into my car.

**Grandma**: *grins and nods*

**Grandpa**: You're so sweet.

**Grandma**: And I saw lotto tickets too.

**Grandpa**: I dunno where those came from.

**Grandma**: Uh-huh. Probably a damn $5 dollar ticket too.

**Grandpa**: No, $2.

**Me**: He doesn't know where they came from, but he knows how much they cost.

**Grandpa**: *starts adding more to my list of chores*

~

**Grandpa**: It's kinda hot in here.

**Grandma**: NO IT'S NOT, Take off your damn clothes if you're hot.

**Grandpa**: Is that all you ever want me to do, take my clothes off?!

**Me**: OH DEAR GOD, I'M RIGHT HERE.

~

**TV**: The line, "To be, or not to be. That is the question!" is from which Shakespeare play?

**Grandma**: Julius Caesar, right?

**Me**:  Wow.

~

**Me**: How can you NOT like that movie. It has WILL SMITH.

**Grandma**: *thinks* Is it that movie, and he has a partner?!

**Me**: YES. And he's in the west and there's that giant spider at the end!

**Grandma**: WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!

**ME**: I DID.

~

**Grandpa**: I need to get a tree saw.

**Grandma**: What's a tree saw...

**Me**: A TREE SAW. A saw, that saws trees. You can't simplify it anymore than that.

~

*while watching American Idol*

**Me**: Omg, that guy's nose is HUGE.

**Grandpa**: If he sniffs really hard, he could overdose on oxygen.

~

**Grandpa**: I'm looking for my camouflage underwear, but they're camouflaged so well, that I can't find them!

~

*Sister rambles on about hating cats and how they're scary*

**Me**: You're just a weenie, Tyla.

**Tyla**: Oh yeah?  Well at least Papa loves weenies!

*Me and Papa look at each other*

**Me**: I sure as hell hope Papa does NOT like weenies.

~

*As we drive home, the tornado siren goes off* 

**Kaylah**: Have you ever seen it?

**Me**: ...Seen what? 

**Kaylah**: The car with the siren.

**Me**: What in the hell are you talking about? 

**Kaylah**: Isn't the tornado siren on a car that drives around town? 

**Me**: ......

~

*While driving through Alton one morning* 

**Grandma**: Here, take a sip of this.

**Me**: Ew.  Coffee is nasty.

**Grandma**: No it isn't!  It wakes ya up, and puts hair on your chest!

~

*Grandma walks out of the bathroom and wipes her wet hands on my face* 

**Grandma*
... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ziezie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
🚨︎ report
Derry, NH has the best air in the country.

Everyone comes to sniff the Derry air.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Totafanboy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2015
🚨︎ report
Doughnut you wish you could make your wife and daughter laugh?

I was holding my daughter's hand as she was throwing a fit while getting her nails clipped by my wife. To calm her down, I asked her when her fingers had turned into doughnuts.

sniff Doughnuts? sniff

Yeah, Doughnuts. It's obvious that you've got some bearclaws

crickets

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1-adam-12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2014
🚨︎ report
While receiving change from the self-service checkout line.

Machine pumps out 3 brand new one dollar bills

Brother: "Man, those are crisp!"

Me: sniffs bills "...Minty"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ski3223
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2014
🚨︎ report
Don't know if this is a "dad joke" but my dad told it to me and I thought it was hilarious.

A family of 3 moles were walking around in a tunnel. The tunnel was dark causing the dad to run into a wall. Then the mom ran into the dad and the baby mole ran into the mom. The dad sniffs the air and says "I smell pancakes." Then the mom says, "I smell syrup" then the baby says "I smell molasses"

My mom sighed and my dad was in tears from laughing so hard.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Merryklumklum
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2014
🚨︎ report
ducks

My class just got some 2-month old ducklings and I volunteered to duck-sit this past weekend. As we are loading them into the car, Dad over-dramatically sniffs the cage and says "Man, there is a reason they are called fowl"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hoglolly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
🚨︎ report
A drunk is sitting at a bar...

He looks down and sees his pants are wet.
He goes to the guy on his left, "you do this?" Guy shrugs, "nah". Guy on his right, "you?" "nah" The drunk looks down and shrugs "must be an inside job" After telling the joke he sniffs deeply than exhales in satisfaction. "great joke, got anymore?" "i don't know, they just come to me!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lachavelli
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.