I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster.

But if anything, it made him more sluggish.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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How do you get a snail out of its shell?

You slug it!!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KayakFlyFisher74
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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Barack Obama went to a costume party giving his wife a piggyback. Someone asks what he is and says "I'm a snail!"

"That's M'Shell on my back!"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chainsmoker88
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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You'd think snails would be faster without their shells.

But they're actually a bit more sluggish.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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Beach
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExoticCow64
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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I took the shell off of my racing snail in hopes that he'd be lighter and faster...

But now he's just sluggish

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yadnivek
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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What do you call a chicken in a shell suit?

Egg

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisRockley
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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Warning: when you host a lobster race, all shell can break loose
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maddawg90
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
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I dream to be this commenter one day.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dvarka124
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
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Why did the mermaid start wearing sea shells?

She grew out of her B shells

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potatogamer555
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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Shell yeah
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Extrahub
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Astonishmium
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kenebalism
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
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Egg: If you take me seriously, you'll leave my shell intact and not remove my whites. Me: *Breaks Egg and removes whites*

Egg: Am I a yolk to you?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goddred
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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Interviewer: "So, how was your last job in a nut shell?"

Me: "I never worked in a nut shell."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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Do you wanna know why people with shell fish allergies can’t be body builders?

Because they can’t have mussels.

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πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
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When you’re having one shell of a day
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allisburning
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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You know where I should put those sea shells I found at the beach?

On the shellf.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
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Remotely Yours

So we had this issue yesterday where secure shell commands were failing from our newly enabled backup system to a downstream application.

I logged in manually using the correct credentials to confirm the keys were fine, but I noticed it was the first time in known hosts, so i typed β€œyes” to put the entry in and figured that would fix it.

When the problem came back today, I was surprised at first, but then it hit me...

Same ssh -t different server...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCandIO
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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Why does Ariel wear seashells?

Because she outgrew her B-shells

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McPrince96
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
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I try to take my mermaid friends out of Atlantis every now and then to explore the coral reefs, wreckages and collect some shells, but they hesitate to do so...

I think they're a bit shellf conchess

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MaverickCS5
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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What kind of nut doesn't have a shell

Donuts

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightHawk37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2020
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I went to a Halloween party wearing a pie shell and carrying a shepherds crook.

"What on earth are you supposed to be?" "I'm a spy" "A spy?. What kinda of spy wears a pie costume and carries a crook?"

A shepherds spy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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Here's this sub in a nut shell
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pud3000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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Why wouldn't the fish inspector approve the clam's new shell?

Because.....

It wasn't a-fish-shell

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/voidtype
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
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Me and my mother-in-law's relationship in a nut shell.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/usdsquare
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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At a job interview I got asked to describe myself in a nutshell

I said it's so dark I can't breathe has anyone got a nut cracker I can't breathe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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Why does the little mermaid wear seashells?

Because she couldn't fit into D shells

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merscaliona
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Felt bad for that garden snail after he lost his shell..

Poor guy has been sluggish ever since.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrisonMike1111
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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The snail left his shell at home.

He was feeling sluggish the rest of the day.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2020
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It's time to shell-ebrate!
πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Eulogy of an egg

He died last fry day. Thank God he wasn't beaten. Don't worry, he went over easy. He's now on the sunny side. He's definitely in a better plate.

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainBoomerang1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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Me in a nut shell,
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethan-555-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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I just saw Tenet and I have to say

I’ve never wanted to watch a movie in rewind before.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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I'm a shell of a man

Snail slides into a Tesla dealership after seeing Elon Musk on TV. Inches his way up to a salesperson. Snail asks to go on a test drive, the sales person shrugs, says sure, why not. It's been a slow day.

After it's over, snail is impressed. "I gotta get one of these!

Saleswoman asks if he can afford it. He is, after all, a snail. Snail retreats into his shell comes out with a wad of cash, the exact amount for the car.

"Yeah lady, I can pay! Can I get it customized?"

The woman says of course, but it'll cost more. Snail whips out more dough.

Snail says "Paint it with pink S's all over the vehicle!"

The saleswoman says sure and asks why.

The snail says "When I'm driving around, I want people to say 'WOW! Look at that fast, pink electric S-car go!'"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/earthwulf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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My mother has a beautifully arranged shell-f at her home.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ostrantula
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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What did the Little Mermaid say to Triton before she left?

If you need me, call me on my shell.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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I went to a lesson about shelled amphibians.

They tortoise a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_OrangeJu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
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My turtle was upset.. he couldnt afford the new shell-phone
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smilingball
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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This made me laugh a shell of a lot
πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thinkcriticaler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
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Just a mermaid talking on her shell phone.
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xiams
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
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Shell of a time
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
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If you took the shell off a snail...

Would it be faster... Or abit sluggish?

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/J0eYT
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off of my racing snail, thinking it would make him go faster. If anything it made him more sluggish.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trispir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the mermaid wear seashells?

Because she grew out of b shells.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/435RWE3R54
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I took the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him faster. Unfortunately, it just seems to have made him sluggish.
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do mermaids wear seashells

She outgrew her b-shells

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AshamedTurtwig
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Took the shell off my racing snail to see if I could make it go faster...

Just made it a bit sluggish.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report

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