He said, “Oh please. You should really give me a bit more credit.”
Its so cheesy and full of hams.
I was going to have a poll but that type of post isn’t allowed here. I’ve been seeing a lot of jokes that others wouldn’t count as dad jokes. There seems to be a lot of stances on the matter.
I personally don’t mind them as long as they’re not offensive to a specific group of people and marked as NSFW, but I just wanted to see what everyone else thought. Just want everyone to be happy and feel welcome here 🙂
I’m just after my money.
my door's always open.
Must be because it's auGUST
It usually resulted in a long sentence.
Several years ago I take the boy fishing on boat. We haven't caught anything all day. I can tell he's bored but hanging with dad is still cool. I show him the fish finder, explain how it works, and tell him to get ready, there are a bunch below us. A few minutes later, not a single bite...
"Dad?"
"What's up bud?"
In complete seriousness, "Are you sure that isn't just a water finder???"
I'm so proud of that boy 🥲
And mustard.
Made my dad chuckle so I hope you do as well.
Hebrews it. I'm serious. That Israeli how he does it!
This happened a few years ago when my son was 6ish. When my kids hurt themselves and it doesn’t look serious I always do the “we might have to amputate that bruised hand” shtick with them. I’ve done it enough that they now roll their eyes.
So, my son got hit lightly in the face with a rubber ball. It wasn’t a hard hit and I could tell he was more upset by the shock of it rather than the pain. So I say “looks like we will have to amputate your nose.” To which he replies “then how will I smell?” And I say “terrible!”
It was my greatest dad joke ever. I felt like I could retire after that.
I said :- I am not kidding you
You need to look into it.
Coulrophobia is no laughing matter.
...and if I can’t sue Ez, can Al?
So imagine you are transexual but suddenly one day you decide to stop being it. Then you are Trans former?
"I have failed you, Anakin. I have failed you."
Seriously?
I can barely lift my two-year-old daughter, let alone a baby cow.
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
Come on guys.
I overheard him telling his colleague that I had "serious healthy shoes"
An old blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake. He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of whiskey.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender: “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says: “Before you tell that joke, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know four things: The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat, the bouncer is a blonde girl with a club, I’m a 6-foot tall blonde woman with a black belt in karate and the woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters: “No, not if I’m gonna have to explain it four times.”
I have a serious crack addiction.
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
Well she's the one who wanted a serious relationship
I asked why and he said, “They freak meowt.”
After a moment of me staring at him, he said, “Seriously, I’m not kitten.”
One is big bucks, but the other is serious doe.
I'm having a serious case of deja flu!
Christmas was literally last year.
He even used to be a comic
"It's okay, dad... He woke up." Doesn't even smile. Walks away.
Me: one you get lucky and the other you don't.
She was mad enough to leave the room...
So yesterday was surreal.... I was following an ambulance into town, when I noticed a small metal box sitting on the rear bumper. When the ambulance turned right the box flew off and landed on the side of the road against the curb. Call me curious or just the Good Samaritan that I am, I pulled over and retrieved it. When I opened the box there was a human toe packed in ice inside it. Whoops, that’s a serious mistake I thought. So unsure if the ambulance was going to the Regional Hospital I called the hospital and explained what I had found. The lady on the other end of the phone said “Yes, the ambulance had just arrived minus the box”. I gave her my location and asked if they were going to send another ambulance to collect it or should I bring it in? The lady replied “No, we’ll just send a toe truck.”
Seriously, it’s been watching me for hours
Seriously..how low can you go ?
He said, “Oh please...you really should give me a bit more credit.”
