Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
I offered to carpool with the security guy this week but I totally forgot to pick him up this morning. When he got to work later her was furious and punched me in the back of the head.
It’s my own fault, I’ll never let my guard down again.
What did the security officer at White House said to the tourist sitting on the president's chair?
What do you call a security company run by detectives?
Jay-Z has invested in a digital security company.
He's got ninety-nine problems but a breach ain't one.
Do you know why the security guard is not the champion?
Because he is not the best of the mall
What do you call the security in a Samsung Store?
A guy named Ali works as a security guarding a big gate..
I guess you could say he's an Ali-gator
I worked security at a chemical plant. There had been a string of robberies at nearby chemical plants, and one night... lo and behold- we heard the alarm...
My coworker and I tried to apprehend them but they were just too phosphorus…
Who'd want to be Trump's security guard ?
you shout "Donald, Duck" & everybody would just laugh
The cows on my dairy farm have all decided to form a new financial vehicle made up of a pool of money collected from many cows to invest in securities...
I used to sell security alarms door to door, and I was REALLY good at it...
If no one was home, I would just leave a brochure on the kitchen table.
Graveyards have loads of security...
People are dying to get in!
What do dentists and security guards have in common?
What do you call security guards who guard Samsung stores.
Guardians of the Galaxies
A security guard at an airport informs the pilot of a man trying to sneak contraband onto an airplane.
The pilot responds, "That's not going to fly."
The Social Security Administration
A guy was stopped by security
Sir this is a private subdivision.
I'm just passing through.
What's that in the bag?
Oh, these are bonsia plants.
What's a bonsai plant?
They're small trees. See?
Sorry, I can't let you through.
Why?
NO TREES PASSING.
Seeing Airport Security confiscate all of my smuggled sausages out of my luggage...
...Really was the Wurst Case Scenario
What do you call a security guard at a swimming pool?
Hey Kids, wanta hear a dadjoke about Social Security?
Ah, nevermind, you probably won't get it anyways?
Why did I apply to security
To take away my insecurities
They’ve upgraded the security to hall monitors
What did the kindergarten teacher say to the kindergarten security guard?
You can watch the kids, but don't Overwatch them.
That's just creepy...
Security professionals advise to never use ‘beef stew’ as a password
A guy with flame tattoo sleeves walks into a building. Security stops him and says,
There are no firearms allowed in this building.
What’s a mummy’s favorite type of investment security?
What do you call a security guard for a trampoline?
I was recently promoted on the supermarket security team to look out for people taking 11 items through the "10 items or less" checkout...
I am now a counter-terrorism officer.
I had a job selling Front Door Security devices...
but I got fired because I’m not really a PEEPHOLE person.
I always have heavy security at my far-left political rallies...
No one should ever have unprotected sects.
My neighbor sells home security systems, he's pretty good at it too.
If nobody's home, he just leaves a brochure on the kitchen table
I have two dogs, Security & Shin...
... they’re my guard dogs 🐕
I work in security, and i want to get a pumpkin for my desk
It shall be a security gourd
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office.
I am on season 6 so far, but not sure what it has got to do with security.
What do you call the security outside of a SAMSUNG store?
What do you call Security at Samsung?
The Guardians of the Galaxy.
Do you know what they call the security guards at Samsung?
What do you call Samsung’s security team?
My boss told me as a security guard its my job to watch the office
I'm on season 6 so far, but not sure what its got to do with security.
What do you call a security guard at a samsung store
What do you call the security at a Samsung factory.
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