My wife went to get a pedicure with her mother. She sent me a text saying that they have an exfoliating, foot scrub that has CBD/Hemp oil in it and she was going to try it out...I replied β€œbaby, do you realize that you left the house with slippers on...

But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirTurkTurkelton
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of face cream does a strawberry buys?

Blackhead removal cream and scrub

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to scrub the sink until you can see her face in it.

It’s been half an hour now and I can still only see mine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I gave my number to a pirate once.

I'm getting sick of all the booty calls

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
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Police are appealing to the man who stole all the soap from the supermarket

To come clean

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the vampire with a doctorate

His name was Dr. Acula

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paradigm_Shiftz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What bird is blue and is great at taking a bath?

A scrub jay!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshWithaQ
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Helped my wife with a few of the labels for some homemade hand scrub and lip balm she made as Xmas presents.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/han_so_low
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2013
🚨︎ report
I thought these surgical pants were mighty loose in the hips and long in the legs!

Sorry, wrong scrub.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How do get my toilet so clean??

I scrub the shit out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshC-137
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was planning to wash the bathroom, but it was getting late

...so she had to scrub it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddrcoder
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I need a suggestion of a good medical sitcom to binge on Netflix....

But I don’t want no Scrubs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrypticPragmatist
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one gamer say to the other in the bath?

Git gud scrub

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
The Mars rovers have to be sterile before being sent to the planet to prevent cross contamination. Just one germ and they must clean the spaceship again...

The whole mission must be scrubbed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a noob clean his house?

He scrubs it.

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mansheep_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Just finished cleaning the toilet.

Scrubbed the shit out of that thing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/malliecat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does T-Boz not exfoliate?

Cause she don't want no scrubs...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lifelonglifter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Dog Food

I'm helping with dinner in the kitchen when a dog food commercial comes on. It was literally a 5 minute long ad telling about how generic dog food wasn't good for your dog and how I should buy their product. I'm scrubbing a dish, shaking my head, silently hoping someone changes the channel to something more entertaining and my dad looks up and exclaims "I don't know what the hell they're talking about!" I quickly look over at him waiting to hear his rationale over why he's so upset. He looks back slyly and says, "...tastes fine to me." I died laughing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pwise1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2013
🚨︎ report
Why can't TLC be nurses?

Because they don't want no scrubs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/borna761
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
🚨︎ report
My son asked me what he should be for Halloween...

I replied β€œYou could put on surgeon scrubs, hold some instruments, and tell people you’re an β€˜operating system’”.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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I bet the group TLC had some dirty dishes in their house.

None of them wanted any scrubs, so rinsing was all they could manage.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/foobz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I was giving my newborn a bath...

So the bub was in the tub and I was giving his scalp a scrub.

Our baby doesn't care too much for people rubbing his scalp so I start singing "No, I don't want no scrub."

My wife walks in and asks me if I am having any luck with clearing up his cradle cap.

"Well honey, things have been going a lot better since I tried a little bit of TLC. "

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adomental
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Do nephew jokes count too? My brother has an (almost) 3 year old with a hilarious sense of humor.

He was just finishing eating some of his mom's leftover birthday cake and his dad asked, ”do you want some milk to wash that cake down?”

”sure”

Dad hand him a cup of milk which he promptly dumps onto his plate and starts scrubbing.

Another one: my brother had just finished unloading the dishwasher and his son starts clappingmand says, ”good job daddy, I'm so proud of you, you unloaded the dish washer all by yourself!”

My brother accused me of reading Calvin and Hobbes to him on the sly when he told his son it was bath time and he started licking himself and said, "I'll just lick myself, that's what tigers do."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/13EchoTango
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my wife while potty training our daughter.

My daughter tried to go poop today for the first time on the potty. It didn't go well. There was "one that got away" if you know what I mean. She got excited and ran out of the bathroom without being properly cleaned up. It ended up on the rug in her room (she has a brown and green rug so it blended right in) and my wife found it by stepping on it. I had to run to the store to get some carpet cleaner. I get home and she has it mostly cleaned up. This is where it starts: Wife: I got most of it out already. Me: Ok. I'll get the rest with the cleaner. Wife: I scrubbed it pretty good for like twenty minutes. Me: To get it that clean, I thought it would have taken about turd-y minutes. She groaned and my son and I laughed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ibs2pid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Talking about the Antares rocket in class...

Student: Yeah, it was supposed to launch Monday, but the mission was scrubbed.

Me: Well at least it was clean before it exploded.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pandajerk20
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
🚨︎ report

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