A man wearing scrubs walks into the room of a woman about to give birth.
The woman asks: "Are you the nurse or the doctor?"
The man replies: "I'm the delivery guy."
But you are coming back with high heels”. Her mom sent me a text asking me what I said that made my wife throw her phone in to her lap and groan aloud. Mission accomplished haha
It’s been half an hour now and I can still only see mine.
Blackhead removal cream and scrub
To come clean
His name was Dr. Acula
A scrub jay!
I'm getting sick of all the booty calls
I scrub the shit out of it.
...so she had to scrub it.
But I don’t want no Scrubs
Git gud scrub
The whole mission must be scrubbed.
Cause she don't want no scrubs...
Scrubbed the shit out of that thing.
Because they don't want no scrubs.
I replied “You could put on surgeon scrubs, hold some instruments, and tell people you’re an ‘operating system’”.
None of them wanted any scrubs, so rinsing was all they could manage.
So the bub was in the tub and I was giving his scalp a scrub.
Our baby doesn't care too much for people rubbing his scalp so I start singing "No, I don't want no scrub."
My wife walks in and asks me if I am having any luck with clearing up his cradle cap.
"Well honey, things have been going a lot better since I tried a little bit of TLC. "
I'm helping with dinner in the kitchen when a dog food commercial comes on. It was literally a 5 minute long ad telling about how generic dog food wasn't good for your dog and how I should buy their product. I'm scrubbing a dish, shaking my head, silently hoping someone changes the channel to something more entertaining and my dad looks up and exclaims "I don't know what the hell they're talking about!" I quickly look over at him waiting to hear his rationale over why he's so upset. He looks back slyly and says, "...tastes fine to me." I died laughing.
My daughter tried to go poop today for the first time on the potty. It didn't go well. There was "one that got away" if you know what I mean. She got excited and ran out of the bathroom without being properly cleaned up. It ended up on the rug in her room (she has a brown and green rug so it blended right in) and my wife found it by stepping on it. I had to run to the store to get some carpet cleaner. I get home and she has it mostly cleaned up. This is where it starts: Wife: I got most of it out already. Me: Ok. I'll get the rest with the cleaner. Wife: I scrubbed it pretty good for like twenty minutes. Me: To get it that clean, I thought it would have taken about turd-y minutes. She groaned and my son and I laughed.
Student: Yeah, it was supposed to launch Monday, but the mission was scrubbed.
Me: Well at least it was clean before it exploded.
He was just finishing eating some of his mom's leftover birthday cake and his dad asked, ”do you want some milk to wash that cake down?”
”sure”
Dad hand him a cup of milk which he promptly dumps onto his plate and starts scrubbing.
Another one: my brother had just finished unloading the dishwasher and his son starts clappingmand says, ”good job daddy, I'm so proud of you, you unloaded the dish washer all by yourself!”
My brother accused me of reading Calvin and Hobbes to him on the sly when he told his son it was bath time and he started licking himself and said, "I'll just lick myself, that's what tigers do."
