I have a bad habit of ripping up my artwork if I don't like it.
I probably shouldn't have become a tattoo artist.
Our toddler woke us up, ripping the sheet off our bed last night...
... it’s ok but, we recovered.
Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?
It reads “Small medium at large.”
There is a wizard who terrorizes libraries by ripping pages out of books...
Made a pun about a ripping piece of paper.
Me can't apologize enough for ripping traditional Indian dress.
While I was ripping a big juicy fart on the plane I figured out my 4yr old son’s spirit animal...
I'm always ripping holes in my blanket.
So I crocheted a new one. Now when I rip it, it has less holes.
I accidentally ripped a page off my dictionary
After re-checking it, I found out that little to nothing was missing.
When are rip tides dangerous?
Current-ly
You're welcome, I'll be here all week!
Why are priests so ripped?
Because they're always exercising
After years of obstructing my view, I ripped off the rearview mirrors on my car.
Since then, I haven't looked back.
James Randi, RIP
Alright people. Anyone who can perform telekinesis, raise my hand.
I paid to get my leg amputated and they use blunt instruments....it was a total rip off.
What do you call a shirt that rips easily?
Cars rip by at 200mph, so how fast do you have to be a NASCAR cameraman?
I am having a really bad day, somebody ripped the front and back pages out of my dictionary.
It just goes from Bad to Worse!
My wife told me to stop acting like a flamingo.
So I had to put my foot down.
My friend is inventing breakthrough upholstery fabric that can self-mend rips and tears. When I asked how he's progressing, he replied....
Why does God look so ripped on all paintings?
Because he was the body builder.
I was thinking of going as a bandaid this Halloween, but then decided against it.
I find it really hard to pull it off.
What kind of batteries do they use in Canada?
Once my dad ripped two juuls at once and said...
"I have my juul citizenship"
Just heard the world paper tearing champion has died....
Someone stole my mood ring.
I don't know how to feel about that.
Himalayan tombstones don't say RIP.
I went to the Med school library to get a book on abdominal pain
Someone had already ripped the appendix out.
Since my daughter was born I haven't slept for 11 months.
Because that would be entirely too long.
My wife traumatically ripped the blankets off me last night.
What do you call a logger who's ripped?
Knock knock. Who's there? Dishes. Dishes who?
Dishes Sean Connery.
(RIP)
What happens every 60 seconds?
This guy stops in a second hand petshop looking for a last minute Christmas gift for his wife.
The shop owner directs him to a 1,500$ parrot who can sing Christmas carols. The man doesnt believe the store owner and asks him for proof before dropping the 1,500.
The store owner locks the doors and escorts the man to the back of the store and tells him
“This is a very special parrot, before he sings you must warm him up by holding a lit match 12 inches beneath.”
He then takes out a match, lights it and holds it a rulers length beneath the parrot. After a few moments the parrot starts sining “jingle bells” in the tone of Frank Sinatra. Thinking this might be some cheap parlor trick he asks for several more demonstrations..
“Rudolph” “Frosty the Snowman” “Drummer Boy” even “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus” in the best impersonations he’s ever heard!
The man gladly hands over the cash and rushes home to amaze his wife. He holds the match a rulers length and nothing. The wife laughingly says he got ripped off. “ No no honey this works watch” he does it again only holding it half a rulers length this time and still nothing! The wife, laughing hysterically, starts going back upstairs.
“NO honey it really works watch!”
“Im going to bed, Merry Christmas” says the wife as she turns to head up the stairs.
“WAIT Honey, one more time, please!”
He pulls out another match, this time holding it three inches under the parrot who then squawks out
“CHESTNUTS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”
Don’t talk to me while I’m trying to sew this small rip.
Regardless of price, Velcro is always a rip off
When I was 8 years old my best friend died from a velcro accident.
Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?
It reads “Small medium at large.”
Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?
It reads “Small medium at large.”
Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?
It reads “Small medium at large.”
Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?
It reads “Small medium at large.”
Did you hear that the police have a warrant out on a midget psychic ripping people off?
It reads “Small medium at large.”
When are rip tides a problem?
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