Did you hear Bobby Shmurda got released?
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︎ Mar 01 2021
Women convicts aren't released before they menstruate
This way, there's a period at the end of the sentence.
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︎ Feb 17 2021
Not many know this, but in 1972 Bozo The Clown released a fragrance line.
It didn't sell very well.
People thought it smelled funny.
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Dad to Son: "Have you heard about the new online game that's just been released that's heaps popular and getting a lot of press?
Son: "What's it called?"
Dad: "Month."
Son: "Huh?"
Dad: "Apparently it's twice as good as Fortnite".
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︎ Sep 28 2020
I have just released my own fragrance.
The people sitting near me on the bus donβt look like they appreciate it.
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︎ Jul 31 2020
If you were 8 years old when "Red, Red Wine" was released
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︎ Nov 17 2020
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
With the McRib re-released a couple of days ago, I did this at McDonalds drive-thru today:
Me: Do you have Mac Rib in that special box.
Order Girl: Yes, yes we do.
Me: You should let him out. And I'll take three of them and a large fry.
(I was the only one that laughed, she just read back my total)
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︎ Dec 04 2020
Michael BublΓ© has released a new toiletries range
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︎ Nov 19 2020
The World Health Organizatuon has discovered that Coronavirus cannot be transmitted between dogs and humans. They have released all quarantined dogs.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
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︎ Jul 15 2020
After many years of designing, the government has released a new type of currency made out of herbs.
They spent a lot of thyme on it, but now it's mint.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
If Google released a really expensive watch
Buying one would be a Google flex
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︎ Oct 01 2020
After years of being in jail, Lance, a reporter was released from prison.
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︎ Aug 11 2020
A COVID tracking app has been released, but I don't know...
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︎ Aug 07 2020
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?"
Inmate: Itβs bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I Please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
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︎ Apr 29 2019
If you get released from a mental institutional, and then get committed again-
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︎ Jul 09 2020
The first photograph of a black hole was released
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︎ Apr 10 2019
Apple just released their brand new round-shaped product
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︎ Jul 27 2020
When they released the movie β Alitaβ in the US they had to change the name
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︎ Jul 08 2020
Wallace and gromit have released a new evil.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
Have you heard about the new game getting released? Itβs AI is 20 years ahead of itβs time, graphics are truly real life, an open world concept where anything you want to do is truly possible. Itβs called:
Go outside and ride your bike
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︎ Jun 25 2020
You know, that famous cookie company..., they just released an App
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︎ Aug 01 2020
The court released the suspect on the grounds of being on an armor show on the night of the murder ...
it was an ironclad alibi!
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︎ Jul 12 2020
I was playing the song "In Memory of Elizabeth Reed" by the Allman Brothers for my ten year old daughter. She asked me how long ago I first heard the song. When I told her I heard it when it was first released, 50 years ago, She said,
"Was it called "In Honor of Elizabeth Reed" back then?
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︎ Jul 24 2020
You know that moment when you let a fart out but accidentally released a log?
Yeah my dad calls that from bubble to trouble.
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︎ May 22 2020
The World Health Organization has determined that dogs cannot contract COVID-19. All dogs being held in quarantine will be released.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
I just heard R. Kelly wants to be released from prison because of the Covid-19 scare.
If it was Covid-15 he would be ok with it.
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︎ Mar 27 2020
The designer of Big Ben finally released a book on his accomplishments.
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︎ Apr 11 2020
Have you heard of that new cologne being released by Tesla?
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︎ Jul 17 2019
What did the cake thief do after the police released him on bail?
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︎ Feb 29 2020
China has released the name of the first person who had the coronavirus
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︎ Mar 17 2020
The latest James Bond movie is not getting released in China because of Coronavirus fears.
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︎ Feb 19 2020
Microsoft released something
I just got word
(First joke be gentle)
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︎ May 24 2019
Pink Floyd's "The Gnome" and David Bowie's "The Laughing Gnome" were released within a month of each other.
It was bignomeial.
Courtesy of my dad.
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︎ Nov 26 2019
Alabama Starbucks have released a new drink this month
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︎ Oct 01 2019
Another film has been released about a barrier in India.
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︎ Oct 28 2019
Which four man rock group has never released an album?
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︎ Nov 16 2019
Did you know in which language was the movie "Journey to the center of the Earth" released first??
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︎ Oct 02 2019
[ACTUAL QUOTE] A$AP Rocky was released from Swedish prison today. Donald Trump's tweet in response to his release:
"A$AP Rocky released from prison and on his way home to the United States from Sweden. It was a Rocky Week, get home ASAP A$AP!"
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︎ Aug 02 2019
At the parole hearing, the officer asked, "Tell me, why should you be released early?"
Inmate: Itβs bec..
Officer: Yes?
Inmate: I think I have..
Officer: Go on.
Inmate: Can I please finish my sentence?!
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
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︎ Jun 21 2020
The World Health Organization has announced that dogs cannot contract Covid-19. Dogs previously held in quarantine can now be released.
To be clear, WHO let the dogs out.
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︎ Mar 13 2020
If you were 4 when "red red wine" was released.
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︎ Aug 15 2019
(At parole hearing) Officer: Why should you be released early? Man: I'm... Officer: Go on. Man: I think... Officer: Yes? Man: Can I please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
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︎ Nov 12 2019
If you were 8 years old when βRed Red Wineβ was released
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︎ Aug 14 2019
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