25 emails between me (film producer) and Jason (my props master) over the course of making my film RUN (on Hulu now!)
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sevohanian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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After my failed attempt at growing vegetables this year, I've decided to become a music producer.

I've got a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 305
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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What is common between a boxer, a successful music producer and a good fisherman

The right hook.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2020
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Some filmmakers were secretly trying to murder the lead actor in a low-budget flick, but he got wind of the plot and managed to escape. They took the existing footage and shopped it to different producers, but it was roundly rejected by everyone for the same reason.

It wasn't up to snuff.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jeromocles
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
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No one knows the best pen producer...

And Schneider do I.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SmartOnReddit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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The producers of John Wick 3 should come out with a line of promotional sented bathroom candles.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xilban
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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The little horse just finished a song at the recording studio. The producer says, "What else you got?"

"That's it. I'm a one track pony".

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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What do you call a cheesy EDM producer?

David Feta

Credits : My date

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mskas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
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What do you call a movie producer with not enough time on his hands?

You don’t. He’ll call you.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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Was talking to a record producer at the urinals the other day...

Next thing you know I had a number one on my hands.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neelandrewp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
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Talking to my music producer friend

My friend was listening to music, analyzing how the songs were made. I couldn't resist.

Friend: I'm trying to figure out how the vocals were recorded

Me: Probably with a microphone

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuckPie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
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What would you name a box? ...(the newest installment in my aggressively produced puns video series) youtu.be/ieVbk7M-4ak
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nick_Dietz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
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The Punner’s Prayer

Dear Lord as week seek to produce puns worthy of your praise, lettuce relish this opportunity. We ask that you would cause humor to sprout in the hearts of those who think us nuts. Continue to cultivate in us passion, fruit which beets back sadness and joy which leeks into others. Though some may say we are corny we know you will give us sage wisdom. Give us the confidence to know we are kale’in it as we bring choy to the world and live apply ever after.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cool-breeze7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Co-Worker and I were bored at work this morning, we wrote this. We work for a fruit store.

NASHI here Scott, we don't need your PERSIMMON to PRODUCE puns. I ain't LIME-ing, fruit puns are hard. It's a GRAPE skill to have and not at all CORNy. If BANANA (you wanna) challenge us; that can be ORANGEd, however you SHALLOT be prePEARed for us. I can GUAVAntee we will not deal with you GINGERly; if you push, APPLE; (I pull) It's not like i'm speaking LEBANESE, CUCUMBERstand?

I myself am full of puns from my head TOMATOES, as you can KIWI (See, we) have been doing this longer than you, we never skip a BEET, our abilities just climb higher PAPAYA (and higher)?.

We don't CARROT all if you're upset by this, in fact it's about THYME we asked your mother on a DATE. So don't be a DILL, we've BEAN there and done that before. So be ready to LETTUCE give you something to cry about throws onion

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iCappa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2014
🚨︎ report
What happens when the U.S. Mint stops producing currency?

I don’t know, it makes no sense.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samrf1202
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Produced by Dick Wolf
πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrDoozy10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Did you hear about the cow that could produce 1,000 gallons of milk every day?

She was legendairy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcapz87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees produce milk?

Boobies!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrwlmsri
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Why couldn't the Macaw and the Bull never produce any offspring?

It would've created a parrot-ox.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the produce manager tells his daughter who wanted to run away with her boyfriend?

You cantaloupe!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TempleOfBone
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Which type of bee produces milk?

Boo bees

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/no1krampus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis (edited, thanks kind friends for the correction!)

πŸ‘︎ 394
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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My young son and I were having our first discussion about drugs. He was curious about why people would do drugs in the first place, and I told him that many people do it because it produces different feelings of euphoria. He asked, "what's euphoria?" I told him that it was hard to explain...

But it's a feeling somewhere between euthreeia and eufiveia.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wgf5823
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Which Arab country produces the most steel?

Iron

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...

... Then Soviet

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllDayRef
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
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Why does my nose produce so much mucus

It snot fun

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/litty_kitty73
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the produce employee say to the customer as they walked in?

Lettuce wow you!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wormholewanderer1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk

An udder failure

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notafuddu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine

if he'd lettuce

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpalupagus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The platypus and echidna both lay eggs and produce milk

Making them the only animals on the planet capable of whipping their own custard

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A gardener said, "I just finished producing some beets, who wants to check them out?"

The cabin replied, "I only play house music." The windmill said, "not me, I'm a heavy metal fan." The backhoe said, "I just dig rock." The plastic baggie said, "I do, I'm a wrapper!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lela_chan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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My kids learned if you don't keep vermin out of your garden, you produce more rabbits than vegetables;

it's a problem called ingrown hares.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minotard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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What do you call someone who makes fun of produce?

A vegetabully

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wabisabi_girl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call bees that can produce milk?

Boobeez

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ikeroner
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What insects produce milk?

Boo Bees

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Datolite7
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Police were called to the local grocery store today

A man walked into the produce section and took a leek.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamugo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Where is truth produced?

In the fact-ory.

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Disney isn't going to die and go out of business even though they completely shut down operations and didn't produce anything for three months.

They just suspended animation.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
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What's the most difficult thing about producing skimmed milk?

Throwing the cow across a lake.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackBoxall1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
After my failed attempt at growing vegetables this year, I've decided to become a music producer.

I've got a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees produce milk?

boobees

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What kinda bees produce milk?

.....boobies!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnooAvocados7098
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of Bees produce milk?

Boo-bees

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Billy35365
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hatlesshobo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 253
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SamuraiSAM5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him. A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nymphomanius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that cannot produce milk?

An udder failure

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punderants
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: Wow! Didn't expect this big reaction! Thanks for the silver! Edit 2: And gold!? Thanks again! :)

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/auroraborora
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If a cow doesn’t produce milk, it’s both an udder failure, and a milk dud.
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superflyguy87
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees produce milk ?

Boo bees

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ass_Shack
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of Bees produce milk instead of honey?

Boobies

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/murlockerLOL
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report

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