I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah…" she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
The makers of these limes clearly watch CNN
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manford5
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
Why do movie makers record laser gun sound effects in churches?

Because they go β€œpew pew pew”.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PleaseBeSerious
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bearded vase maker?

Hairy potter.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20
🚨︎ report
When making authentic Belgium waffles, how much batter should you add to the waffle maker?

About a waffull.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18
🚨︎ report
Coffee maker asks the coffee pot...

"Where's all the coffee?"

Coffee pot replies, "We were mugged."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rick--Diculous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
A man's wife decided to become a whiskey-maker.

He loved her still.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stupidllama
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
What did the cutlery maker say when he lost some metal?

Silverware.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blobmouth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
I met my wife when she was a whiskey maker

I love her still.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Chainsmoker88
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
My coffee maker said some really horrible things about me while it was brewing my coffee.

That’s the last time I have a dark roast.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
What does a board game maker do when discussing their ideas?

They monopolize the conversation

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iamayurt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
Why did the second-rate toy plastic brick maker become obsessed?

Because he just couldn’t Lego.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeChump
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Have you heard what happened to unemployed perfume makers?

They are not making any scents πŸ‘ƒπŸΌ

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rapswell
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
How did the telephone maker propose to his girlfriend?

He gave her a ring!!

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
Time to meet your maker!

Said the coffee maker to the coffee beans

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeanW137
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
A lawyer and a law maker had been in an argument for several years, escalating into a bet to see who would break the law first. The lawyer then found himself in a trial against the law maker.

The law maker was outlawed.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/N1ch0l2s
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
My cheating girlfriend has a job as a whiskey maker....

I love her still

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djkp7211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Some lady beat me out for the job at the pottery makers...

I would have kiln for that job.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Saddam Hussein and cheese makers have in common?

They both had curds in their whey.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lemonsarethekey
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the sausage maker call his sausage slicer?

In his casing, it was a knife

(credit to K)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2piix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are all shoe makers going to heaven?

They have good soles.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/6lesbianlover9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the bread maker say to his wife?

I knead you.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/motelcoconut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
That desert heat must have started getting to the sign makers
πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the pasta-maker get into his house?

He had gnocchi

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NateDaGreat79
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I took apart the coffee maker to clean it but can't figure out how to put it back together.

My wife says this is grounds for divorce...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do they send the craziest of pun-makers?

The Punitentiary

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheThurmanator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the man have a moment of clarity after he bought a coin maker?

Because it all made cents now.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JiveTheTurkey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know the match makers' union didn't have picket lines for their labor disputes?

They were strike anywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_UR_BENCHYS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Parisian pancake maker who asks too many personal questions?

Crepe-y

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deter86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Parisian pancake maker who asks too many personal questions? reddit.com/r/dadjokes/com…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deter86
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
After he installs the new granite surfaces in your kitchen, does the Cabinet Maker hand you

a counter fit bill?

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the pizza-maker ask for a raise?

He kneaded more dough

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MojoMasterGT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why nobody wants to be around when clock-makers get to working?

They make us all watch

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Erikjb12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What is Germany's best joke-maker machine?

The Punzer

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NaziJewish
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I just got a futuristic coffee maker.

It was a ground-breaking development.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn't a coffee maker need that third prong on its electrical plug?

The beans are ground.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
You should see the wooden bucket maker when he saw a metal bucket.

His face went pale.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
The police can't trust car chassis makers as witnesses.

They tend to frame people.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The makers of 'Snakes and Ladders' really missed an opportunity to call it 'Adders and Ladders'
πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AdvantaJeous
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was the cabinet maker fired on his first day?

He just couldn't get a handle on it

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Coffee maker: What happened to the coffee I just made?

Coffee pot: I was mugged!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wer190
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the spice maker say when he orgasmed?

I’m cumin!

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/impatrickt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
🚨︎ report
So evidently there's a group of anarchist butter makers in WI

Evidently some people just want to watch the world churn.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bionic80
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Prosecutors pressed charges against the popcorn maker today

assault and buttery

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/guavacadus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My buddy sells office supplies, label makers, and file cabinets to the Mafia.

He is involved in very organized crime.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm writing to your from a Mexican ice maker.

Hielo from the other side.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewszabo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Nobody would hire the novice prosthesis maker.

He had no first-hand experience.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_snipeypants
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
An almond doesn’t lactate: The FDA hasn’t been enforcing its own policy or putting the squeeze on product makersβ€”and that it’s time to get abreast of the labeling language. arstechnica.com/tech-poli…
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acadiel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the coin maker say about his penny after he dropped it?

It just a little tender

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bcowburn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man with a pace maker and irritable bowel syndrome?

A gas electric hybrid.

πŸ‘︎ 903
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zoolilba
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2015
🚨︎ report
The Bread Makers met in secret to plan their hostile takeover.

It was gluteny!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FrogGentlemen
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What’s a key makers preferred key?

a Whisky

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mustachereviews
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job as a stencil maker.

I guess it just wasn't cut out for me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oktayey
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Nickname for a coffin-maker in ancient Egypt...

Sarcophaguy

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mmrtnt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad found the label maker.

http://imgur.com/KQk7oyH

πŸ‘︎ 118
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robbyboy64
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee who can't maker up its mind?

A maybee.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MadamHoodlum
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2018
🚨︎ report
"Hey, ThinkGeek now has a waffle maker that makes waffles in the shape of the Death Star..."

"...the only problem is that the waffles tend to come out a little on the dark side."

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Burbada
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2015
🚨︎ report
What did the countertop maker say to his client?

We stand behind our product

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/guyinhisroom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2017
🚨︎ report
She was only a whiskey maker's daughter...

...but he loved her still.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I've been working on a wireless pancake maker.

I'm having battery issues.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/photoast
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2017
🚨︎ report
I REALLY wanted to make some soda with my new soda maker, but the CO2 cartridge is empty

I'm soda-pressed!

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LemmeSeeDjibouti
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2013
🚨︎ report
Who was the most famous car maker in Norway?

Henry Fjord

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ch3000
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2018
🚨︎ report
A son walks up to his father and says "I finally watched that Documentary on that Swedish clock maker."

"We'll it's about time!"

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/permeable_boat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2016
🚨︎ report
I'd hate to be a glue maker...

It's a job you just get stuck with.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hammyisstuff
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2017
🚨︎ report
What is a shoe makers favorite pie?

Apple cobbler

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/benfranco123
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
🚨︎ report
I just saw a commercial for a fortune cookie maker

And they say you cant create your own destiny.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WinkleStinkle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2017
🚨︎ report
A customer handed me an open box of kureig latte makers and said "it seems someone stole some of these out of the box."

I said "It seems like they wanted those a latte."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arkham42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2017
🚨︎ report
As the judge cleaned out her coffee maker, she boldly declared...

"These are grounds for dismissal."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
🚨︎ report
So this tailor goes to the bag maker with a problem...

That night somebody had broken into his shop and stolen a few very expensive suits, and he wanted the person responsible arrested.

He approached the counter, where the owner of the workshop stood.

 

"Hi!" she said. "I'm Emmy, how can I help you today?"

 

"Well, I have this problem, and I saw online that you could help me for cheap." he responded.

"My shop was robbed of some of my most expensive suits tonight, and I want your help catching the perpetrator."

 

"That's awful, but I am confused as to how I would be of assistance?" she said.

The tailor was silent for a second, noticeably confused.

Before he had a chance to respond she asked,

"What did you see on our website?"

 

"Well I didn't actually see it on your website, there was actually this ad that intrigued me. It had big bold letters and read:

For a limited time only, click the link to find the cheapest and best deals!!! Emmy's Suit cases - Now 50% off!!!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sai1r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
🚨︎ report
Wine makers could probably use some cheering up

You know, from all depressing.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MattTheProgrammer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2016
🚨︎ report
I am become Dad, maker of jokes.

Talking to a friend of mine who is at a marching band competition for her little brother.

>Me: Did you guys make it to the next round?

>Her: We find out in about an hour.

>Me: Yikes, that's stressful.

>Her: Yeah, and we have no idea where we stand.

>Me: Hopefully, on the field.

You're all invited to the baby shower.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YouGotAte
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Pulled a dad joke will working on the coffee maker.

Recently we got a Keurig in the house, after 20 minutes and one frozen touch screen later I uttered the phrase this thing must run on Java.

It took me a second after hearing the groans.

πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seaponyluna
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2014
🚨︎ report
She was only a whisky maker, but I loved her still.

And I have proof!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Ice maker randomly started making ice again (long story)...

Wife was pleased and called it a nice surprise. "No," I corrected her, "it's an ice surprise."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cinegah
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Why does the Italian pasta maker always get locked out of his house?

because he has gnocchi

Ex post from /r/jokes got exiled to dadjokes

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sonzie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
🚨︎ report
So, a candy-maker goes to the priest.

"Father, I have a confection to make..."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whythecynic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2016
🚨︎ report
What do you call a French sandal maker?

Felipe Flop

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bkjohns4
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2016
🚨︎ report
I stopped producing coin makers

Because they just don't make any cents.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FlawlessBacon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad joke makers I seek your wisdom: String family joke work in progress

I have a good punch line but haven't been able to design a satisfying lead in for it:

Do you know why the string family decided to break up?

...

Apparently not (A parent-ly knot)

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/picturepack
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2014
🚨︎ report
What is Whitney Houston's favorite auto maker?

HYUNDAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIII

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TuskenRaiders
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2014
🚨︎ report
Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo, "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

πŸ‘︎ 209
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on."

After a twenty second pause, I asked, "You still there sweetheart?"

"Yeah," she replied, "…but I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now…"

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Slightly peeved that the makers of the shampoo "Head and Shoulders"...

…have not followed up with a bodywash called, "Knees and toes."

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2017
🚨︎ report
She was just a whiskey-maker...

...but he loved her still.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fine-rusty-knife
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2016
🚨︎ report

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