What happens when the U.S. Mint stops producing currency?

I don’t know, it makes no sense.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/samrf1202
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A gardener said, "I just finished producing some beets, who wants to check them out?"

The cabin replied, "I only play house music." The windmill said, "not me, I'm a heavy metal fan." The backhoe said, "I just dig rock." The plastic baggie said, "I do, I'm a wrapper!"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lela_chan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
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What's the most difficult thing about producing skimmed milk?

Throwing the cow across a lake.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackBoxall1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was on trial for producing cents covered in a thin layer of gold...

They found him gilt-y.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My cow stopped producing milk

What an udder disappointment.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KurlyKarl
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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I'm in this new business of producing prayer mats with built in ejector seats...

So far the prophets are soaring.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Purtassium
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Why has Nintendo stopped producing the Wii U?

It was time for a Switch.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hankosha
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2017
🚨︎ report
A bee farmer found his bees working extra hard producing honey for him.

He thought it was really sweet.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelonSharkGaming
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If the French President started producing mozzarella, it could be considered...

Macronian cheese

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/n1njast1ck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
New xkcd. I'm a machine for producing airflow of it xkcd.com/1378/
πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rooxo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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Scientists have discovered a new kind of bee that is capable of producing milk.

They refer to it as the boo bee.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dimick1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2014
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I stopped producing coin makers

Because they just don't make any cents.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlawlessBacon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2015
🚨︎ report
My father always is producing originals

One of his favorites I overheard when he was talking to my brother:

Bro: Dad I could easily take you in a fight.

Dad: Yeah well my dad can beat up your dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heroicsforall
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2014
🚨︎ report
What would you name a box? ...(the newest installment in my aggressively produced puns video series) youtu.be/ieVbk7M-4ak
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nick_Dietz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2015
🚨︎ report
The Punner’s Prayer

Dear Lord as week seek to produce puns worthy of your praise, lettuce relish this opportunity. We ask that you would cause humor to sprout in the hearts of those who think us nuts. Continue to cultivate in us passion, fruit which beets back sadness and joy which leeks into others. Though some may say we are corny we know you will give us sage wisdom. Give us the confidence to know we are kale’in it as we bring choy to the world and live apply ever after.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cool-breeze7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Co-Worker and I were bored at work this morning, we wrote this. We work for a fruit store.

NASHI here Scott, we don't need your PERSIMMON to PRODUCE puns. I ain't LIME-ing, fruit puns are hard. It's a GRAPE skill to have and not at all CORNy. If BANANA (you wanna) challenge us; that can be ORANGEd, however you SHALLOT be prePEARed for us. I can GUAVAntee we will not deal with you GINGERly; if you push, APPLE; (I pull) It's not like i'm speaking LEBANESE, CUCUMBERstand?

I myself am full of puns from my head TOMATOES, as you can KIWI (See, we) have been doing this longer than you, we never skip a BEET, our abilities just climb higher PAPAYA (and higher)?.

We don't CARROT all if you're upset by this, in fact it's about THYME we asked your mother on a DATE. So don't be a DILL, we've BEAN there and done that before. So be ready to LETTUCE give you something to cry about throws onion

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iCappa
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that can't produce milk?

An udder failure

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rooner_Spism
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Unidentified male charged with two completely different crimes in the produce aisle.

He took a leek

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastyZ71
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
25 emails between me (film producer) and Jason (my props master) over the course of making my film RUN (on Hulu now!)
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sevohanian
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I read a story to my daughter about a cow that produced magical golden milk

It was legend dairy.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/majintb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Studies have revealed that cows produce much more milk when the farmers talk to them.

It's a case of, in one ear and out of the uddet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Produced by Dick Wolf
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrDoozy10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cow that could produce 1,000 gallons of milk every day?

She was legendairy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcapz87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
After my failed attempt at growing vegetables this year, I've decided to become a music producer.

I've got a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 305
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees produce milk?

Boobies!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrwlmsri
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller.

He can see from her nameplate that her name is Patty Whack.

"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $30,000 loan to take a holiday."

Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name. The frog says his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's okay, he knows the bank manager.

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says, "It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why couldn't the Macaw and the Bull never produce any offspring?

It would've created a parrot-ox.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..

A super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis (edited, thanks kind friends for the correction!)

πŸ‘︎ 392
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Which type of bee produces milk?

Boo bees

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/no1krampus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My young son and I were having our first discussion about drugs. He was curious about why people would do drugs in the first place, and I told him that many people do it because it produces different feelings of euphoria. He asked, "what's euphoria?" I told him that it was hard to explain...

But it's a feeling somewhere between euthreeia and eufiveia.

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wgf5823
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
If Russia wants to be the first country to produce a vaccine ...

... Then Soviet

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllDayRef
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Which Arab country produces the most steel?

Iron

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the produce employee say to the customer as they walked in?

Lettuce wow you!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wormholewanderer1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does my nose produce so much mucus

It snot fun

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/litty_kitty73
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine

if he'd lettuce

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpalupagus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The platypus and echidna both lay eggs and produce milk

Making them the only animals on the planet capable of whipping their own custard

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call bees that can produce milk?

Boobeez

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ikeroner
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who makes fun of produce?

A vegetabully

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wabisabi_girl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My kids learned if you don't keep vermin out of your garden, you produce more rabbits than vegetables;

it's a problem called ingrown hares.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minotard
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of bees produce milk?

boobees

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardwithablog
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What kinda bees produce milk?

.....boobies!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnooAvocados7098
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of Bees produce milk?

Boo-bees

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Billy35365
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Working in Produce the last few years has made me realize I'm a professional musician...

I work with beet boxes and I wrap!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anelion
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamuraiSAM5
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that doesn't produce milk

An udder failure

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notafuddu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hatlesshobo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 253
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.

This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

Edit: Wow! Didn't expect this big reaction! Thanks for the silver! Edit 2: And gold!? Thanks again! :)

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/auroraborora
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
If a cow doesn’t produce milk, it’s both an udder failure, and a milk dud.
πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superflyguy87
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A Frog and a Bank Loan

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller's name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I'd like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it's OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she'll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral." She holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what the heck is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says: "It's a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bstie
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that cannot produce milk?

An udder failure

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punderants
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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