π︎ 9
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︎ Oct 29 2020
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︎ Jan 28 2019
If you have ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly
Because communication is key
Edit: it's from here, so please give the op credit
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
What does a teacher about to correct a grammar mistake say?
I am about to do what's called pro grammar moment
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︎ Mar 30 2021
Why does U2 never have to pay any of their laywers?
Because they are all Pro Bono.
π︎ 9
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︎ Mar 12 2021
After seeing a dead bird I had to tell my 4 year old what it means.
I said
it Δt :
pro. Used to refer to that one previously mentioned. Used of a nonhuman entity; an animate being whose sex is unspecified, unknown, or irrelevant; a group of objects or individuals; an action; or an abstraction.
pro. Used as the subject of an impersonal verb.
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︎ Mar 13 2021
Eating more fresh vegetables makes you an expert pooper. It's right in the name.
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︎ Feb 28 2021
Why can't you have a directory called con?
Because it's better to have pros
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︎ Feb 22 2021
All these protests....
I get being anti-homework but how can you be pro-tests?
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︎ Jan 06 2021
What do you call a social media influencer who can also write code?
π︎ 5
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︎ Feb 15 2021
Are all cases U2's lawyer does...
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 28 2021
Yes! I support nouns
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Whatβs a lawyerβs least favorite cheese?
π︎ 5
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︎ Nov 18 2020
What do you call a software engineer who was an English teacher?
A pro-grammar
Was told by a friend's father!
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Did you hear about the seafood restaurant that will give you calamari in exchange for money?
They practice squid pro quo.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
My housemate had a chicken Kiev for dinner last night.
I had to warn him that I had a chicken pro-Russian separatist in the freezer.
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︎ Dec 13 2020
While you're making your decision, here are some pros and cons:
Pros: Michael Jordan, Tiger Woods, Tom Brady
Cons: Al Capone, Frank Abagnale, Ted Bundy
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︎ Nov 30 2020
Spider-Man offered to give me spidey powers to invent new quips for him.
I guess you could call it a quip pro quo.
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︎ Dec 10 2020
Did you hear about the cephalopod that returned the favor?
It was your classic case of Squid Pro Quo.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
If a highly skilled bird lands on your fatherβs sweater...
Thatβs a pro sparrow on your fleecy dad. Looking forward to a happy 2021!
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Where do folks from Bilbao, Spain buy outdoor equipment?
π︎ 2
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︎ Dec 01 2020
Potential storage loft for salaried athletesβ prosthetics is in question:
...could be pro-limb-attic!
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Thinking about moving to Switzerland.
Coming up with pros and cons.
To start out, the flag is a big plus...
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︎ Oct 19 2020
My pen ran out of ink and an ink fairy in the shape of a squid appeared. He said if I let him eat my dinner of shrimp he'd help me out by giving me some ink. The deal smelled kind of fishy, but I needed to finish my homework.
So we did it squid pro quo
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︎ Oct 19 2020
Why do hamburgers love young people?
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︎ Sep 25 2020
The biggest fan of U2 was a penniless lawyer
Everything he did was pro Bono
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︎ Jul 30 2020
Going to prison..
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 19 2020
Luck rituals in the Australian Open.
I was golfing in the Australian Open for the first time. I noticed all the pros were putting various condiments on their clubs. Salt on a putter, brown sauce on a driver, ketchup on a 9-iron.
I my caddy why they were doing it, and he explained that an Australian thing for good luck.
Now, by that time I had already shot straight into a sand trap so I said to him: "Too bad I didn't know about it. I really could use some of that luck right about now."
He just smiled...
...and gave me a vegemite sand-wedge.
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 22 2020
Every dog is a therapy dog...
Most just do it pro-bone-o
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︎ Aug 27 2020
Were you forced to walk 500 miles then walk 500 more?
You could be due compensation. Contact the Pro-Claimers now!
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︎ Jul 06 2020
Whatβs so bad about fruit being made in factories?
π︎ 4
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︎ Aug 05 2020
I just got off the phone with a professor in China. He says it's not worth getting Covid-19
As they are expecting to release Covid-20 Pro in September.
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︎ Jul 23 2020
I hear that white collar prison isn't bad...
It has its pros and its cons.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 09 2020
What type of medical condition excites politicians?
π︎ 3
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︎ May 15 2020
Why do chickens like 13-19 year olds?
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 10 2020
Iβm starting to make a robot that has a really high words per minute.
π︎ 4
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︎ Jul 10 2020
I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.
Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.
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︎ Jul 16 2020
Why don't dog lawyers make any money?
Because they are pro bone-O.
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︎ May 03 2020
I spent the weekend building my 1st foot-manipulated keyboard for the office.
It's my prototype Pro Toe Type.
I literally dreamed this joke last night. Help me.
π︎ 6
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︎ Apr 20 2020
Dad jokes at the dinner table
- Me: Decides to be adventurous at dinner, orders pasta with squid ink
- My dad: βMy dinner is delicious, you should try someβ
- Me: βOnly if you try a bite of this pasta, itβs really good tooβ
- My dad, who rarely tells jokes, starts smiling: βSo youβre suggesting a... squid pro quo?β
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︎ Dec 24 2019
What are the Pros and Cons of having a Switch?
A Pro controller and Joy Cons.
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︎ Apr 16 2020
Who would win in a fight. Athletes or Prisoners?
It's hard to say, they have their pros and their cons.
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︎ Feb 06 2020
Pros and Cons of making food
π︎ 7
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︎ Jun 25 2020
What type of disease are politicians afraid of?
π︎ 6
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︎ May 15 2020
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