A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by René Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
I have a problem with over-engineered large buildings.
It's a complex complex complex.
I went to my doctor today and told him I was having problems with my hearing. He asked, “Can you describe the symptoms?” I replied, "Sure..."
“They’re yellow, Homer’s fat, and Marge has blue hair.”
You know what the problem is with camouflage jokes?
You never see them coming.
The biggest problem searching for the manifold is
My doctor, who is also a clown... Asked me what seems to be the problem
I said, funny you should ask
What’s the problem with trick or treating with twin witches?
You can never tell which is witch.
Only problem is they’re all upside down
Math puns are a sine of a big problem.
A lot of people on Reddit seem to have a problem with vegans, but I don’t get it.
I have never had a beef with one.
What do you call a maize problem?
I had a problem with my anti-virus program, it kept saying I had 1 virus on my computer.
So I deleted the anti-virus and there weren't any problems any more!
This guy just approached me and won’t leave me alone until I solve a trigonometry problem.
I don’t know what his angle is.
When are rip tides a problem?
I live on top of the mountain and i usually have 99 problems
As I expected, my therapist told me that I have a problem verbalizing my emotions.
Espresso may not solve all your problems
Houston, We have a problem
I cannot stop eating leftover Thanksgiving. It's becoming a real problem.
I just need to quit cold turkey.
What do you say to a math problem you are saving for tomorrow?
I was having problems with my tools while digging for gold.
They were miner technical difficulties.
The problem with telling funny jokes to dads is...
You know the biggest problem with dating apps?
I went to a Norwegian restaurant the other day. The food was delicious. The service was superb. The only problem was...
If you're having voice problems I feel bad for you son,
I've got 99 problems but a pitch ain't one
What really caused problems with Konami?
You know what the problem is with mushrooms?
They don't leave mushroom
A construction worker goes to a fancy restaurant and his a dress code problem.
The man goes into the fancy restaurant and have a discussion with the host:
Host Sir, you cannot come in here with out a belt. We have standards.
The man goes out to his car and puts on a belt fashioned out of some rope. He goes back in.
Host Alright.... I guess you have a belt....You still need a jacket.
The man goes back out to his car and fishes out a jacket his wore to a wedding a year ago. He shares it off, brushes it with his hand, and puts it on.
Host Ok. You still need a tie. It is required.
The man goes out to his car. He doesn't have a tie. He puts on jumper cables and makes a perfect Windsor knot.
Host You have a belt and a jacket. I guess you have a tie.
Just don't try to start something....
Guys, I have a serious problem...
I can’t stop saying yes to everything, I think I might have yeprosy
The national coin shortage is a problem that we can solve if we all...
Be the change that we wanna see.
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
This is a DAIRY problem for supermarkets all around the world
I’m selling a 55” TV for JUST $1, only problem is the volume button is broken...
... I mean, how can you turn that one down!
-Doc, I have hearing problems
-Could you describe the symptoms?
-Marge has blue hair and Homer is a fat guy
If you got bladder problems...
I was entering my pet snail in a race, the problem was I wanted him to be faster and more streamlined, so I removed his shell.
Unfortunately it didn't work, he was just more sluggish.
Kid: Oh man dad, today's test at school was difficult. There was a test with like 99 problems on it -and one of those problems was a real bitch.
Dad: Well we know one thing. Your teacher is not Jay-z!
Lines for urinals have become an increasing problem in containing the coronavirus.
So mind your pees in queues.
Did you hear about Russel Crow's recent problems with cannibalism? At first he expressed shame about eating the mother of two.
But upon further consideration he was gladiator.
My family has been getting stir crazy. So we decided to take our son to the local zoo. Problem is, it’s a small zoo. They only have one animal. It’s a dog.
So I just found out some politicians with bowel problems are unfairly helping other politicians with bowel problems rise to power.
I guess our government has a problem with crohnyism.
You should always try and solve your problems while standing...
Cause it helps you think on your feet.
Why did the student do multiplication problems on the floor?
The teacher told him not to use tables
I have a problem where I keep putting footwear on the sides of my head.
How did the mathematician take care of his constipation problem?
He worked it out with a pencil.
What do you call a math problem that you can touch and feel?
My son and I both have knee problems
The problem with political jokes...
They sometimes get elected.
Some people see ADD as a problem
I prefer to see it as a plus
I wanted to start gardening but I have a problem
Math can be so hard sometimes. The problem was, "Sally had 32 pennies. She gave 32 pennies away to her friend Robin. How many pennies does Sally have left?"
Where do Marine animals go to get help with a drinking problem?
I got arrested for having a drink problem
Doctor doctor I think I've got a problem with my eye
Doctor: I dont know, looks pretty good to me.
Just found out my cousin who had a stuttering problem died in prison
He didn't even finish his sentence
Yesterday I saw a book called "How to solve 50% of your problems."
What's the problem with Father's day?
It always falls on Son-day
It's our problem-free philosophy...
Henry the 8th liked his wives to be athletic, and that was her problem, she wouldn’t walk, she wouldn’t run
She would just Anne Boleyn.
Saw a tv listed for $10. Only problem was the volume control was stuck..
A router goes to see the doctor, and the doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"
The router replies "It hurts when IP".
I think I may have a small drinking problem
I had a real problem when your mom got rid of that crooked chair my dad made.
I don't know why, it just never sat right with me.
I have problems with two things: 1: with my short-term memory...
And 2: with my short-term memory
The problem with Freudian psychology is that none of his hypotheses are testicle.
Saw a bird in the bushes. Nature is healing, we are the problem.
That will be very Sirius problem
Did you hear about the problems the ducks in Detroit are having?
There's a huge quack epidemic.
Modern problems require modern solutions.
I know it's bad but leaf me alone... you're the root of all my problems.
I have a degree in musical theatre. I may not be able to solve a complex math problem but..
I can solve a problem like Maria.
Why does it feel so good to find the solution to addition problems?
The answer is always whole-sum
My maths teacher started throwing wordplay in calculus problems, I guess it is
A problem of Ex-pun-ential order
What wood be the problem?
The optometrist said I have a problem with my eyes.
I replied, “Can you be a little more clear?”
Snow isn’t a problem in Muslim countries...
My buddy John gave his size 13 boots to his little brother, Phil. Problem is, Phil wears size 9.
John left large shoes to Phil.
My English grammar teacher was having some marriage problems and it was really getting to him, so the whole class joined in to buy him a gift
After we bought him a simple present, he was past tense
Whats is the problem with strict dads?
You're in trouble the moment you cross the dadline
Modern problems require Indian solutions
Wii are gonna have a problem here
I got 99 problems...
and unfortunately finding the list of em is one.
I have no problem getting dates online.
I also have great luck with pistachios, cashews and almonds.
How do you call a person who helps cats with their problems?
I have a contact lens problem.
I have no contact lens solution.
Physics is full of problems
And chemistry is full of solutions
At my church, every Sunday we eat apples and work on math problems.
Because God said to be fruit-full and multiply.
Some guy just approached me and refused to leave until I solve a trigonometry problem.
I have no idea what his angle is.
Tequila won't solve all of your problems...
...but, it's worth a shot!
Tequila won't solve all your problems
I went to the doctor because I was having hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms ?", he asked.
I said "Homer's a fat guy and Marge has blue hair"
I know a lot of people have a problem with vegans, but I don’t get it.
I have never had a beef with one.
I just found out that my cousin with a stuttering problem died in prison.
He didn’t even finish his sentence.
Alcohol is not a problem.
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