This isn't totally related to anything, but it's Christmastime, and there' a gun related question that's popped into my mind :
"If Santa's elves had an elf militia force, or if the North Pole had some kind of Department of Defence, what kind of guns would they have?"
Consideration 1 : The Aesthetic
This question has troubled mankind since at least December of 2021, and is very important. I dug down the rabbit hole of technology, imagery, and the history of Santa Claus to answer this. Santa, and all the hot jazz supporting him, has a distinct aesthestic, and trying virtually everything related to X-mas media revolves around that aesthetic. His sleigh, clothing, method of tobacco use, all harken to a bygone era, but nailing that era down to a known time frame, and location, isn't straight forward. There is no real world counterpart to the North pole, with it's Rankin Bass forest of decorated trees (except maybe East China's industrial areas), so there's no pin pointing a modern place to stand in for the pole, but there's enough interconnected media, imagery, and technological trends, that I think this question can be answered.
Santa as we know him began with Saint Nicholas of Myra, who lived in what is modern southern Turkey in the time before guns. He became a patron saint to many groups, and as Christianity spread into northern Europe, his overall appearance became linked to the ancient diety of Wotan (aka Wodan, or Odin). Kind of like Easter bunnies, and Krampus, Santa's status as Mr. Xmas is only the christian adaptation of a pre-christian polytheistic cultural icon.
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The Nutcracker : This ballet was first performed in 1892, but its source material, "The nutcracker and the mouse king", by E.T.A. Hoffman, dates from 1816. Regardless of the incarnation, the nutcracker is virtually always depicted as a hussar with a sword, jacket with frogged buttons, and a bearskin cap. Literal nutcrackers were often politicians, tradesmen, devils, or other cariactures before the play, but after is, the hussar was the standard.
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A Christmas Carol, by Charles Dickens features an ilustration of The Ghost of Christmas Present by John Leech, done in 1843. This is Father Christmas before the Santa boom. He's wearing a fur trimmed green robe, and not much else.
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Thomas Nash not only gave us a touch stone in his 1881 Illustration of Santa, he also gave us two valuable objects for dating the aesthetic : a belt buckle, and a sword. The sword is a distinct one
Do your worst!
For context I'm a Refuse Driver (Garbage man) & today I was on food waste. After I'd tipped I was checking the wagon for any defects when I spotted a lone pea balanced on the lifts.
I said "hey look, an escaPEA"
No one near me but it didn't half make me laugh for a good hour or so!
Edit: I can't believe how much this has blown up. Thank you everyone I've had a blast reading through the replies 😂
It really does, I swear!
They’re on standbi
Pilot on me!!
Dad jokes are supposed to be jokes you can tell a kid and they will understand it and find it funny.
This sub is mostly just NSFW puns now.
If it needs a NSFW tag it's not a dad joke. There should just be a NSFW puns subreddit for that.
Edit* I'm not replying any longer and turning off notifications but to all those that say "no one cares", there sure are a lot of you arguing about it. Maybe I'm wrong but you people don't need to be rude about it. If you really don't care, don't comment.
When I got home, they were still there.
What did 0 say to 8 ?
" Nice Belt "
So What did 3 say to 8 ?
" Hey, you two stop making out "
I won't be doing that today!
You take away their little brooms
This morning, my 4 year old daughter.
Daughter: I'm hungry
Me: nerves building, smile widening
Me: Hi hungry, I'm dad.
She had no idea what was going on but I finally did it.
Thank you all for listening.
There hasn't been a post all year!
It’s pronounced “Noel.”
After all his first name is No-vac
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
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Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
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French/Finnish art
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Country/Canadian rap
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Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
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Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
Buenosdillas
There hasn't been a single post this year!
(Happy 2022 from New Zealand)
Nothing, it just waved
Bob
So that I could frequently say, "I am going to walk 5 miles now."
Edit: My most popular post on Reddit! 😀 Thank you for the awards.
Just to clarify, 12345678
Me grabbing a soda from my (what I thought was) half full 12pk...
Notices there's only 2;
Me: "Awe man... This is a damn bird box!" Her: "What the hell does that mean?!" Me: (Pulls both cans out & shows them to her) "It's only got Toucans."
I'm not ashamed to admit the look on her face was glorious.
I was just sitting there doing nothing.
“BOOM”?!
"That's what they're fighting about."
Because his Visa didn’t work.
Because the audience only responds in a low ha
