How do you make an ale pale?

Add P

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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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The current storm in the gulf has caused flooding, but pales in comparison to Hurricane Harvey.

Some may even call it Beta

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bananawhack
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
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I like my women how i like my buckets, pale.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
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I met a Mexican fellow that always seemed very pale, as tho drained of color...

He's wan.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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Pale pails
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Light_520
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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An edible pale green seed of an Asian tree is very very angry with you for calling him a nut.

He's really pistachio

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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What did the milky mushroom call the other mushroom who wouldn't stop making fun of it's pale complexion?

A shiitake-n mushroom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/trollcitybandit
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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Why was Kylo Ren always so pale?

He never could catch any Reys!

A Star Wars themed dad joke for the holiday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheG-What
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2016
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What do you call a pale Polish man?

A lightpole

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fallout3boi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
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The horse breeder always found it easier to sell brightly-coloured horses than pale ones

Two reds are better than dun

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2017
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Saw my dad last weekend, he looked a bit pale so I had to ask him if he's alright

turns out, he's actually half left

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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If a guy named Dale told a bad story about an old beer, it would be Dale's stale pale ale tale fail.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mark5301
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2016
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Oh My God! They're So Pale! imgur.com/yeaiWAV
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AceFitz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2014
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Told my girlfriend that I'm not pale.

I'm pasty. That's why she's stuck with me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sklaf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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I'm so white, the only thing more pale than me is...

A bucket.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MegaNerd42
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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How do you cure a pale patella?

Tanzania.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbymack44212
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2017
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I saw an albino impressionist today...

.. but he was a pale imitation of the real thing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sludgemonkey01
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2021
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A ghostly apparition of the rock band Procol Harem appeared on my bedroom wall.

I turned A Whiter Shade of Pale when I saw it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/glezgatoon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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I went to the doctor and said, I feel like a bucket

Doctor said, you do look a bit pale

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lawsonator85
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
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Funny 'Dads Anonymous' story to share for the holiday weekend.

"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"

"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."

Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."

"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...

Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.

"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.

Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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The Doctor could tell right away the bucket was sick.

It was looking a bit pale.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zenofire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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A man with a gold claim in Alaska was cursed.

At first the curse just brought him bad luck, causing vital equipment to break and provoking frequent but small injuries to him and his crew. Soon, however, the curse darkened and diggers the man had hired to help work his claim began to die in bizarre ways.

One was killed by an African scorpion that should never have made it to Alaska, let alone have survived the cold. A second drank a gallon of the mercury used to separate the gold from the ore. A third was found with a tree growing up through his body.

The man himself who owned the claim became more and more pale. His eyes became all white. His skin began to give off an overpowering smell of sulfur. He slept all day and at night he wandered the mountain above his claim, coming back each day looking more like a beast than a man.

The curse became so bad the last worker alive ran away to the nearest town to tell the authorities what was happening at the claim.

In an attempt to save the claim owner's life and lift the curse, a priest was brought in by dogsled to perform an exorcism on the man.

A sherriff from the town came with the priest as a bodyguard.

The exorcism was long, but apparently successful. Immediately the man's color returned, the sulfur smell disappeared, and he was able to sleep through the night for the first time in six months.

After the man awoke, the sherriff immediately arrested the man and brought him back to town with the priest. Standing in front of the judge, the sherriff was asked what charge the law had against the claim owner whose life had just been so dramatically turned around.

The sherriff looked at the man, then looked back at the judge and said in a slow and rumbling voice, "Possession as a miner."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2020
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South African beauty pageant

The South Africa beauty pageant had 10 finalists: 9 black girls, and 1 white girl: Anna.
 
While Anna was beautiful in her own right, she paled in comparison to the other contestants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Martijngamer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
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You should see the wooden bucket maker when he saw a metal bucket.

His face went pale.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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My bucket is way better than yours!

Yours pales in comparison.

Credit: James S.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/marmoneymar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful; body like a Greek statue...

Completely pale, no arms

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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The Book

My Dad was the worst. And by that, I mean the best. He had a Dad Joke for everything.

I accidently left my wallet in my pants and they went through the wash?

"Don't you know it's illegal to launder money?" He would crack.

We would drive by the cemetery and he would always remark.

"That place is so popular, people are dying to get in"

Many groans were had.

I would ask him, "Dad, where do you get all these awful jokes?" and he looked square in the eye and said.

"Son, on the day you were born - your Grandfather - my father gave me a book. '1001 Dad Jokes' and that where I get them from"

And life continued. Any opportunity to crack wise he would take it. Even when I moved out and got my own place it didn't stop. I had my Dad over to help me repaint the walls from cream to white.

"Boy" He whistled. "This wall sure pales in comparison to that one"

My eyes rolled and he just shrugged. "It's the book!"

He couldn't even help himself at my wedding and broke out a Dad Joke during the toast.

"If this is the toast, where are the eggs?"

"Sorry son, it's the book!" He said with a devilish grin.

So months pass and my wife is in labor at the hospital with our first child. I'm sitting in the waiting room with my dad for support. Suddenly, a nurse comes out beaming with glee.

"Congratulations, sir! It's a girl!"

Me and my dad jump up and whoop for joy, hugging. I can't wait to go in and see my wife and child.

"Wait son" My dad says and pulls a little book out of his jacket pocket. "This is for you"

I look at the little book and sure enough, it's "1001 Dad Jokes"

I tear up instantly.

"I...I.." I stammer.."I'm touched.."

My dad gets the world's biggest shit-eating grin on his face.

"Hi touched...." He pauses for effect.

"I'm Dad"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/extraflux
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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What's the difference between a sick baby cat and a hole full of cabbage?

One's a pale kit

The other's a kale pit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2018
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Original?

(Kid sick from the flu) Mom to daughter - Your face looks pale. Dad to daughter - You gonna sit there and let her call you a bucket head!!!!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frankgrimes1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2018
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Since it's Winter, I haven't gone outside as much lately...

My skin pales in comparison to what it once was.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heregoessomethong
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2018
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I'm learning quickly.

Co-workers were talking about going to a beer tasting this weekend. Here is how the conversation unfolded.

Coworker 1: They are show casing pale ales this time.

Coworker 2: When is their ales and stouts tasting?

CW1: Oh it was last weekend.

CW2: Damn, a stout sounds so good right now.

Me: Man, sounds like you really miss-stout.

Deafening silence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theintention
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
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I'm going to name my kid Ale, so that when he looks flushed I can say...

You look pale Ale.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exoxe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2015
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I dadjoked my Girlfriend today

My girlfriend described a new coworker when she got home.

Girlfriend: "She was really pale and blonde."

Me: "That's a fair assessment!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexmhelfand
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2014
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How do you make ale pale?

Just add P.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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