Why are locksmiths allowed to remain open during lockdown?
Mariah Carey is opening her Christmas present
And inside she finds a deed to an undeveloped plot of land that is zoned residential. Disappointed, she sets the deed down and says, "I don't want a lot for Christmas!"
I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
Just opened a Christmas card and rice fell out.
Must be from my Uncle Ben.
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there’s a salad dressing
The gyms must stay open.
The Constitution guarantees the Freedom of the Press!
What do you call a broken can opener
Opened the electric bill and the Wife can't understand why i'm on the floor laughing.
What did the bottle of ranch say when the man opened the fridge door?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
My wife emailed me our wedding photos, but I couldn’t open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
As my daughter opened her last gift on Christmas morning with a sad look in her eyes...
I said: “If you think that’s the end, you’ve got another thing coming!”
A clown held the door open for me
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat, don't open it ...
A sinkhole just opened up in our high Street.
The police are looking into it.
People weren't happy with me for leaving the front door at work open overnight.
I walked into a chilly reception.
Today I have opened my very own pizza restaurant.
I will be rolling in dough in no time.
It's Christmas day. Mariah Carey is opening presents around the tree with friends and family. She opens an envelope with a gift, the deed to a piece of residential land.
With a frown, she says "I don't want a lot for Christmas".
grandpa told me: "if a door closes somewhere, another opens
he was a really bad cabinet maker...
My friend opened a tea store. He told me that every time he stocks the bottled tea products, they sell out within hours...
Business has been Brisk, baby!
I'm going to open a pizza joint where they shake a box a bit before they hand it to you.
I'll call it Little Seizures.
The day my daughter turns 18, I’m going to buy her a locket, put her picture in it, and when she opens it tell her:
“Well, I guess now you really are… independent"
I’m going to open a restaurant that doesn’t do anything to prevent spreading the pandemic
It’s called Thai Food Mary
Just came home to find all my doors and windows open, everything's gone!
Who would do that to another person's Advent Calendar?!
My last relationship ended because I didn't open the car door for her...
Instead I swam up to the surface.
I opened a restaurant for dwarves and little people.
It wasn’t such a tall order
Wife dropped a jar of pickles upon opening the fridge; glass and pickle juice went all over the kitchen floor.
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill.
My wife while looking at me: -.-
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I'm thinking of opening a bar where everyone insults everyone else while moving to the music...
I think my idea of social diss dancing would go over well!
There is a couple, that always waits in front of orphanages before they open.
They're better known as the early adopters.
My grandfather always said that when one door closes, another one opens.
He was a terrible cabinetmaker.
My grandpa always told me "when one door closes another one opens."
A lovely and inspiring man...makes shit cabinets though.
The first woman who gave brain had an open mind.
The other day I was on the dock talking to two of my neighbors… One of them had a cooler full of beers and snacks… Pulling out a beer pops the top and opening a bag of chips, he says “My wife’s an angel
I said, “you’re lucky – mine is still alive…”
I just opened up a Native American themed restaurant...
Does anyone in here know any good Sioux-chefs that need a job?
Did you hear about the boxer that opened a salon?
He called it Bob and Weave.
I want to open a sandwich shop called Salvador Delí
We’ll specialize in melts.
You know your supposed to knock on the refrigerator door before you open it
Cuz there might be a salad dressing
If someone mails you a square can of meat, DON'T open it!
I’m going to open a take out cheese shop
What did the ranch say when someone opened the refrigerator door?
Close the door, I’m dressing!
Why did Jesus leave the door to his tomb open?
Because he was born in a barn.
I always knock on the fridge before I open the door...
Just in case there is a salad dressing.
I'll see myself out....
My wife emailed me pictures of our wedding, but I couldn’t open any of the files.
I always have trouble with emotional attachments.
If anyone gets a message from me about canned meat don’t open it!
What did the bottle of ranch say when the man opened the fridge door?
"Don't look! I'm dressing!"
A clown held the door open for me today
I thought that it was a nice jester
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?
I held the door open for a clown
I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...
Just in case there's a salad dressing
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