Old pun, new format.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
2 old puns are better than 1, drawings by friend at work
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︎ Jun 16 2018
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︎ Jun 12 2015
What is an Air Fryer's favorite food? (Courtesy of my 6 year old)
Air-vrything.
I'm so proud.
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︎ Dec 26 2020
My 6 year old just told me this joke... What's stronger than a fortune cookie?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
Because of his enormous debt, Old McDonald has to sell his farm.
To cover what he e-i-e-i owes.
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︎ Jan 05 2021
A darker one my 10 year old dropped on me... (possibly triggering)
She could see I was stressed out with work and she and I have a very dark sense of humour.
Hey Dad, you ok?
Yeah li'l beat just over worker and tired and stressed about the holidays.
"hey dad, lots of men struggle with mental health don't worry about it too much, Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain daughters turned out just fine."
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︎ Dec 23 2020
What's orange and sounds like a Parrot? (courtesy of a 9 year old)
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Old Gold
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︎ Oct 09 2020
Ordering pizza with my 3 year old.
Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese?
3yr old: ranch is for horses
Little guy Caught me off guard lol
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︎ Jan 04 2021
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
Proud dad moment: My five year old and I were discussing Halloween candy. I told him I like Kit-Kats.
He picked out a Butterfinger from his bag, held it up, and said βKit-Kats are good but these are butter.β
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︎ Nov 09 2020
You know you're getting old when...
You go from hip-hopping, to hip popping.
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︎ Jan 05 2021
From my 11 year old daughter. Did you hear the one about the man with the broken hearing aids?
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︎ Dec 31 2020
My girlfriend asked if we could have an old movie night and watch βGaslightβ
I told her βwe already watched that together, donβt you remember?β
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︎ Sep 14 2020
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."
"Look at what kids your age make in China!"
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︎ Dec 25 2020
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
My 9 year old told me this....What do you get when you cross a pig and an oven ??
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
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︎ Jan 05 2021
My dad always used to say βout with the old and in with the newβ.
Lovely man, terrible antiques dealer...
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Today I got out-dad joked by a 2 year old
I asked my daughter if she was hungry and she said "No, I'm Charlotte".
I'm so proud of her, but also I had been waiting to do the whole hi hungry, I'm dad bit to her when I thought she was old enough to get it. Now I feel like I've missed that window
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︎ Aug 30 2020
My 4 year old just told her first dad joke, and I've never been more proud.
My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.
My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.
4yo: "I like your shirt mama!
Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?
4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"
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︎ Oct 31 2020
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
I called an old college classmate and asked what he was doing.
He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed...Upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes, with hot water, under his wifeβs supervision.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
I ran out of toilet paper, so I had use old newspapers...
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︎ Dec 28 2020
If the old adage "You are what you eat." was actually true, what food would rappers never eat?
An orange, because they don't rhyme.
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︎ Dec 24 2020
My 11 year old: Who is the leader of all tissues?
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︎ Dec 20 2020
From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.
Looks like weβll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.
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︎ Dec 13 2020
My 5 year old daughter: What is a ghostβs favorite day?
Boosday
Iβm so proud. She was laughing so much!
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︎ Jan 08 2021
I gave my ex wife my old vacuum
Jokes on her the thing really sucked
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My 3 yr old just cracked me up with this joke as I was putting him to bed
Why did the tree moo?
Because there was a cow stuck in it!
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︎ Dec 05 2020
I'm 15 but I have the body of a 6 year old.
No seriously, he's in the freezer.
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︎ Dec 19 2020
My 3.5 year olds favourite joke: how do the oceans say hello to each other?
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︎ Dec 09 2020
My 5 year old came up with this one. What is a skeleton's favorite weapon?
A bone and arrow (Kid loves to play minecraft sooo... yeah)
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︎ Dec 04 2020
Iβm really looking forward to being an old man
I have to. I canβt look back on it.
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︎ Dec 28 2020
My 9-month-old ate part of her sister's math homework.
Now we're waiting to see if she passes algebra.
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︎ Dec 25 2020
Remember the good old days, when we used to eat cake, after someone blew all over it ?
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My 9 year old wanted me to post her joke here!
What does it mean when you find horseshoes?
It means a horse is walking round in its socks!
I am so proud of her!
Edit: wording.
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︎ Jul 27 2020
My 5 year old just got me with this one: What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Why was the 2 yr old unvaccinated child crying?
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︎ Nov 20 2020
A simple question from my 6 year old son.
A meteorite is a small meteor, right?
Full credit to my son, he will truly make a great dad some day.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
I caught my little 4 month old niece chewing on her hand
So I turned to my wife and asked, who gave her the handburger? π
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︎ Jan 03 2021
The 21st century is now old enough to drink.
And you thought the sober years were bad
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︎ Jan 01 2021
This happened a while back, I was dropping my 7 year old school son to school. βSon, hurry up, weβre running late.β
Son: βno dad, weβre walking late.β
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︎ Jan 01 2021
My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.
He just can't part with it.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
My four year old has been learning Spanish for a year, and he still canβt say βpleaseβ
I think thatβs poor for four
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Why did the old man fall in the well
He couldnβt see that well
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︎ Dec 19 2020
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