Four Olds Puns

… And I think that's poor for four.

Me: We need to put on our jackets because it's a little cold outside today.

Son after stepping outside: No Dad, it's a big cold

He said "thanks Dad, that really means a lot".

I said I'd like to but I don't think they will fit me

But he’s not buying it.

In fact, he’s still making fun of me.

...after all, he was in his prime.

I said “Yeah kid, that’s just not going to cut it.”

My wife looked at me and said “You think you’re pretty sharp, don’t you?”

This morning my son was about to put on his socks.

I: -wait, are there holes in your socks?

Son: -Yes, of course! Or else i wouldn't be able to get my fot into them. *holds up socks for me to see while extending hole at the top with fingers.

Me: -Hmrp... *sectretly feeling proud.

In Wal-mart, looking for my girlfriend, and trying to practice my spanish

I look around and say "donde estan, donde estan, donde estan", kind of thinking about this song I heard years ago.

She goes, what does "donde estan mean?"

I say, well it sort of means "where are you, or where are they? I'm looking for your mom and your sister."

Her reply was "I donde estahnd what your saying"

What do roads eat?

Traffic jam.

After watching the Lego Movie, he turns to me and asks, "Dad, how do you think they built all those legos??" His tone was one of that innocent wonder and I didn't want to ruin anything so I simply replied, "I have no idea!"

Without missing a beat he says, "Probably one brick at a time."

My four year old daughter was sitting between my wife and I. While we held out our hands she touched each of our fingers saying 1, 2, 3... counting each one. I looked at my wife and said "We've got people that count on us".

His father responds, “Ok, you’re a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.”

Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because he wasn't peeling good.

My wife was on hold with the office of the local newspaper when my four year old started asking for something.

Wife: Hang on sweetie, I'm on the phone with the newspaper. Daughter: But newspapers can't talk, mommy!

Daughter: pushes away her plate Daddy, I'm done with my supper. Me: No, you're not. You haven't even touched your pork. Daughter: reaches out with one finger and taps on her pork chop, then looks up at me and smiles

Me: what made you decide to watch that movie (castle in the sky)

Son: My brain.

Me internally: you cheeky fucking bastard.

Dropping my nephew off after a day of hanging out: Him: I love you, auntie. Me: I love you, too. Him: I love you ten!

I didn't get it or laugh until I was half way down the street. I'm also going to steal a 4 year-old's joke.

Me asking her to get out of bed: "C'mon honey, get up." Her: "Dad, I'm not good with heights."

My daughter: Dad, are you hungry?

Me: No, I'm not hungry. Are you hungry?

My daughter: No, I'm Lydia.

Dangit.

We were starting up Lego Star Wars on the XBox, and he was letting me know that I was Player 1 and he was Player 2 by pointing out which light on each controller was lit.

SON: "I'm right and you're left. Right?"

ME: "Left."