Pop Culture
When he was asked why he simply replied, “I can’t keep a straight face”
They fired me when I lost control.
He made a terrible first impression.
He came over and saw this. I honestly don't know why he wasn't prepared for that.
So 3 explorers were captured by the king of a pacific island. One explorer was from Paris, one was from London, and one was from New York. The island king told them that they were all going to be killed, and that their skins would be used to make canoes. The king gave them a choice as to how they would die.
The explorer from Paris chose to be killed by a guillotine, and they cut off his head.
The explorer from London chose to be killed by a gun, and they shot him in the head.
The explorer from New York chose to be killed by a fork. The island kind was confused. He didn't know what to do with the fork, so he gave it to the explorer from New York. The guy immediately starts stabbing himself all over with the fork. There is blood everywhere and it's a horrific scene. The dismayed island king asks the explorer from New York what the hell he's doing, and the New Yorker replies...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR GOD-DAMN CANOE.
It was a little green behind the ears!
Sister: just make sure you wear masks when you do it.
Dad: That way the mold can't see us, right?
What a croc!
The mold never bothered me anyway.
I said, "Ok, boomer."
You know what they say... history favors the mold.
He literally had his ass handed to him.
Because theres just not mushroom for the same mold, sporing ones anymore
Bread 1: So you like mold now?
Bread 2: Yeah it grew on me
Edit: Thanks for the mold kind stranger
Attendant: "What's rockfort cheese?"
Guy: "It's cheese with this blueish mold in it."
Attendant: "Sorry, I don't think we have rockfort cheese. But, if you want, we do have rockfort bread, rockfort milk, and rockfort sausages!"
Because the bread mold was a fun-gi
"I camembert if I’ve told you today, but just in queso I haven’t, you're looking sharp! I havarti accepted you stilton love “cheesy” holidays, but ricotta think things can only get feta with a little roman(ce)o. It colby just me, but I swiss you very much when we’re apart. It’s cheddar when we’re together because then I don’t feel provolone. I think we go gouda together, and I want to grow mold with you. Wheel you brie my valentine?"
Next time someone says "same old, same old" i am going to respond with "mold mold"
The parents and I went to a mexican place for lunch. I got a strawberry daiquiri that they mistakeningly made with copious amounts of tequila.
3/4 of the way through the drink I look over to the corner or the restaurant and say, "Dad! We shouldn't have eaten here. They're molding in the corner!"
Both turn to look, mom groans and hangs her head, a look of understanding, then pride slowly moves across his face.
There was infact, and long piece of wood moulding propped up in the corner of the room.
Because the first fifteen weren't good enough.
But it was a mold joke.
When her mother came home and asked about our day, my daughter replied: "Oh you know... Say mold, say mold"
(Friend)- "I had to throw out my bag of holding something was growing in it." (Me)- "I guess now it's a bag of molding"
Dad: "It gets molded."
Credit to a friend who came up with this, and who took a minute to understand why I was laughing at his answer.
Thought I would share it with you bunch of fun guys.
We are remodeling the bathroom due to mold, and long story short Nicholas wasn't allowed in his room. While in the front room he moaned as loudly as he could "I'm booooooooooooooreeeeed"; I picked up the nearest 2x4, stuck it out the door and said "Hi board, I'm plank".
I got two chuckles from the contracter and my stepdad, and an "ungh" from Nicholas.
Friend: Picks up bread, retches in disgust and throws in trash Me: What just happened Friend: There was bare mold on that bread Me: That's why you don't let bears near your bread
Teacher: "Does anyone know what molds and stuff can be found in various locations?"
Me: "Well I'm a fungi, and I'm usually here in Colorado."
Not a dad, but this is in line with it all.
It was a party around Halloween-time, but not specifically a Halloween party. Things were wrapping up, people were heading out and my roommates were saying goodbye.
They were doing some goofy ass handshake, bumping fists, slapping, all that dumb shit.
While they're wasting time, I look on the table and see various Halloween decorations, including body parts made out of Jell-O. They're slightly jiggling, as all Jell-O molds seem to do.
I quietly mumble "Hehe... handshake."
The host of the party looks at me and says "Are you making fun of our hand shake?"
Without saying anything else, I reach over to the table, pick up the plate the Jell-O zombie hand is on, hold it close to his face, wiggle it back and forth and repeat "Hand shake".
He grabs me by the back of my shirt and drags me out of the apartment. I thought it was funny.
So a couple guys and I went out to the local sandwich shop the other day, and when I get my sandwich there's some small but noticeable mold on the bread. I go back in to let them know about it and they make me another sandwich. I've got two sandwiches now and figure a bit of mold won't kill me. But it's a lot of food so I give half to my friend.
Then I say, "Hey, I just ate half my sandwich, and I've still got a whole one."
So my friend replies, "Well, I guess you can half your sandwich and eat it, too!"
Dad Is on a ladder putting up molding. Me: Do you need me to hold anything? Dad: Yeah, your horses.
Needless to say, he made a terrible first impression.
