Why did Drake dig up and mash potatoes with a rock at the same time?

Tubers, one stone.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vladipus223
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
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β€ͺI mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.

Called the dish, Mea Pulpa. ‬

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πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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What would you call a mash up between Pokemon and bike tires?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patchoulius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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My wife asked me if I've ever watched MASH.

I told her yeah, I watch it Alda time!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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I've been called cheesy, corny & a chicken. If someone calls me "mash potatoes with gravy" I can be a KFC Famous Bowl. #lifegoals
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhTheHueManatee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
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A man choked to death after ingesting mashed chickpeas.

At first it was thought to be a freak accident but police are now treating it as a humuside.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moreton91
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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Why do Canadian geese go well with mashed potatoes?

Because they make nice gray-V's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/antirabbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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I’ve decided to give up drinking and replace booze with mashed potato...

I guess you could say I’ll just be getting sMASHED from now on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Js_sampson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Mashed up dates, chocolate chips, peanut butter, granola, almonds....delicious homemade granola bars
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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I was sitting in a restaurant when the waitress walked up and asked how did you find your steak sir?

I said I looked at the mashed potatoes and the steak was right next to them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...

And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2017
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Did you hear about the chickpea that was cooked, mashed and then fried?

He falafel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaldingMonk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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Ordering KFC, and I ask for a chicken wing. Cashier asks, β€œok sir, and which side?”

I replied I had never thought about it before, but I suppose I’ll take the right side.

Cashier: β€œsir, I meant mashed potatoes, corn, or beans.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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I like my PG-13 movies how I like my mashed potatoes.

With not a lot of skin, just a little.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simpleman62488
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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A waiter asks the "How did you find your steak, Sir?"

Me: I just looked next to the mash potatoes and there it was!

Source: tedthestoner2.0.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jabhiram
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
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Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner

Bride: How come you never help with the dinner

Frankenstein: I did

Bride: How?

Frankenstein: I did the mash...

Bride: Don't you dare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moodsta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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I did the Macarena, the Mashed Potato, the Funky Chicken and had my young daughter absolutely rolling over with laughter. My wife had a face like thunder though and hissed…

"Get off my mother's grave, NOW!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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Ted's wife was a horrible cook. She served mashed potatoes that were so runny, that his whole plate resembled soup. Even though she insisted that she drained the pasta, her spaghetti was so watery that the sauce ran off the plate. Ted had no choice...

...he was forced to take out a restraining order.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreakyStarrbies
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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I apologize for becoming a deep-fried fritter made of mashed chickpeas.

I falafel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajd011394
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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Thanksgiving is coming up. My wife's family makes mashed potatoes with the skins still on.

It's very unapeeling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/first_must_burn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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What do you call fake potatoes?

Imitaters

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelummx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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What’s your sexual orientation if you loved mashed chickpeas?

A hummusexual

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abhijani97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tutandgroan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2017
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Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?

When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.

When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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I have come to love all of gods creatures.

Especially next to a pile of mashed potatoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toweliieee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Girlfriend just dropped this on me while we were making mashed potatoes

So while we were peeling the potatoes, I dropped some of the skin onto the floor. So instead of picking it up, I stick it onto her leg. She then says "Am I appealing????"

I am so proud

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steveeljefe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
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Sounds like a mashup to me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Biz_Ascot_Junco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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Everytime I'm leaving the house before dinner and we have soup or mashed potatoes or something liquid...

"Make sure to put some in your pocket for later!!"

So lame and it happens EVERY TIME.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hamsterwheel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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What's it Called When Someone Has Sex on a Tombstone?

If it's two monsters, it's a monster mash.

Otherwise, it's a graveyard smash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anonymoushenry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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How do you call a small potato PC

a microchip

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πŸ‘€︎ u/g0t__em
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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What’s Dracula’s favourite way to eat a potato?

Monster mash

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πŸ‘€︎ u/myname15MrG
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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A yam and a potato were walking down the road.

The potato asked the yam, "Wanna be my spudy?"

To which he replied, "We're a perfect mash, I already yam."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dasvott
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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Mom approved

I came home for a weekend and my mother was catching me up on some current events in the family.

Her: Oh yeah, your cousin has enlisted in the Navy and he's going to training pretty soon.

Me: Wow, how does the family feel about that?

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Well, are they... pause... All aboard with the idea?

both can't contain laughter

Everyone in my family is witty and we all love dad jokes so we always have a good time around the dinner table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tatswithgats
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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Math teacher: If you're a family of 5 and your mom only has 3 potatoes, how would she feed everyone?

Johnny: She'll mash them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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What did the Nintendo say when congratulating the two male chefs?

Super Mash Bros.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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One day, Dracula gives his son β€œthe talk”. He tells him, β€œson, when two monsters love each other very much...” The son interrupts him and says...

β€œThey Mash!” β€œYes son! They do the monster mash”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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Two potatoes were walking together down the street.

They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured potato called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured potato was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. "I have good news, and I have bad news," he told the uninjured potato, "The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news... is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
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I introduced a friend of mine to Swedish cuisine.

"Mashed potatoes, meatballs. Balls, meet mashed potatoes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DankOfTheEndless
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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What did the dairy cow do for Halloween?

The Muenster mash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HTreecko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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What's it called when 2 potatoes are hooking up?

MASHING!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kolshpa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/XQZahme
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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