Why did Drake dig up and mash potatoes with a rock at the same time?
I mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.
Called the dish, Mea Pulpa.
What would you call a mash up between Pokemon and bike tires?
My wife asked me if I've ever watched MASH.
I told her yeah, I watch it Alda time!
I've been called cheesy, corny & a chicken. If someone calls me "mash potatoes with gravy" I can be a KFC Famous Bowl. #lifegoals
A man choked to death after ingesting mashed chickpeas.
At first it was thought to be a freak accident but police are now treating it as a humuside.
Why do Canadian geese go well with mashed potatoes?
Because they make nice gray-V's.
I’ve decided to give up drinking and replace booze with mashed potato...
I guess you could say I’ll just be getting sMASHED from now on.
Mashed up dates, chocolate chips, peanut butter, granola, almonds....delicious homemade granola bars
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
I was sitting in a restaurant when the waitress walked up and asked how did you find your steak sir?
I said I looked at the mashed potatoes and the steak was right next to them.
Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...
And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides.
Did you hear about the chickpea that was cooked, mashed and then fried?
Ordering KFC, and I ask for a chicken wing. Cashier asks, “ok sir, and which side?”
I replied I had never thought about it before, but I suppose I’ll take the right side.
Cashier: “sir, I meant mashed potatoes, corn, or beans.”
I like my PG-13 movies how I like my mashed potatoes.
With not a lot of skin, just a little.
A waiter asks the "How did you find your steak, Sir?"
Me: I just looked next to the mash potatoes and there it was!
Source: tedthestoner2.0.
Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner
Bride: How come you never help with the dinner
Frankenstein: I did
Bride: How?
Frankenstein: I did the mash...
Bride: Don't you dare
I did the Macarena, the Mashed Potato, the Funky Chicken and had my young daughter absolutely rolling over with laughter. My wife had a face like thunder though and hissed…
"Get off my mother's grave, NOW!"
Ted's wife was a horrible cook. She served mashed potatoes that were so runny, that his whole plate resembled soup. Even though she insisted that she drained the pasta, her spaghetti was so watery that the sauce ran off the plate. Ted had no choice...
...he was forced to take out a restraining order.
I apologize for becoming a deep-fried fritter made of mashed chickpeas.
Thanksgiving is coming up. My wife's family makes mashed potatoes with the skins still on.
What do you call fake potatoes?
What’s your sexual orientation if you loved mashed chickpeas?
Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?
When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.
When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.
I have come to love all of gods creatures.
Especially next to a pile of mashed potatoes.
Girlfriend just dropped this on me while we were making mashed potatoes
So while we were peeling the potatoes, I dropped some of the skin onto the floor. So instead of picking it up, I stick it onto her leg.
She then says
"Am I appealing????"
I am so proud
Sounds like a mashup to me
Everytime I'm leaving the house before dinner and we have soup or mashed potatoes or something liquid...
"Make sure to put some in your pocket for later!!"
So lame and it happens EVERY TIME.
What's it Called When Someone Has Sex on a Tombstone?
If it's two monsters, it's a monster mash.
Otherwise, it's a graveyard smash.
How do you call a small potato PC
What’s Dracula’s favourite way to eat a potato?
A yam and a potato were walking down the road.
The potato asked the yam, "Wanna be my spudy?"
To which he replied, "We're a perfect mash, I already yam."
Mom approved
I came home for a weekend and my mother was catching me up on some current events in the family.
Her: Oh yeah, your cousin has enlisted in the Navy and he's going to training pretty soon.
Me: Wow, how does the family feel about that?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Well, are they... pause... All aboard with the idea?
both can't contain laughter
Everyone in my family is witty and we all love dad jokes so we always have a good time around the dinner table.
Math teacher: If you're a family of 5 and your mom only has 3 potatoes, how would she feed everyone?
Johnny: She'll mash them.
What did the Nintendo say when congratulating the two male chefs?
One day, Dracula gives his son “the talk”. He tells him, “son, when two monsters love each other very much...” The son interrupts him and says...
“They Mash!” “Yes son! They do the monster mash”
Two potatoes were walking together down the street.
They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured potato called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured potato was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared.
"I have good news, and I have bad news," he told the uninjured potato, "The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news... is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"
I introduced a friend of mine to Swedish cuisine.
"Mashed potatoes, meatballs. Balls, meet mashed potatoes."
What did the dairy cow do for Halloween?
What's it called when 2 potatoes are hooking up?
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes...
What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
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