Why do Canadian geese go well with mashed potatoes?

Because they make nice gray-V's.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/antirabbit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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I’ve decided to give up drinking and replace booze with mashed potato...

I guess you could say I’ll just be getting sMASHED from now on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Js_sampson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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Mashed up dates, chocolate chips, peanut butter, granola, almonds....delicious homemade granola bars
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkham_Asylum27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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Ordering KFC, and I ask for a chicken wing. Cashier asks, β€œok sir, and which side?”

I replied I had never thought about it before, but I suppose I’ll take the right side.

Cashier: β€œsir, I meant mashed potatoes, corn, or beans.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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Frankenstein's monster and the bride of Frankenstein sit down for dinner

Bride: How come you never help with the dinner

Frankenstein: I did

Bride: How?

Frankenstein: I did the mash...

Bride: Don't you dare

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moodsta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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Did you hear about the chickpea that was cooked, mashed and then fried?

He falafel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaldingMonk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
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I like my PG-13 movies how I like my mashed potatoes.

With not a lot of skin, just a little.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simpleman62488
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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β€ͺI mashed a few mangoes, pineapples, melons, strawberries, and grapes into a 🍲. Served the mash to guests visiting my place.

Called the dish, Mea Pulpa. ‬

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πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
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Every time I go to dinner with my parents, they constantly argue about the mashed potatoes, rice or french fries...

And I always tell them that I'm not choosing sides.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2017
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What would you call a mash up between Pokemon and bike tires?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patchoulius
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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I did the Macarena, the Mashed Potato, the Funky Chicken and had my young daughter absolutely rolling over with laughter. My wife had a face like thunder though and hissed…

"Get off my mother's grave, NOW!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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Ted's wife was a horrible cook. She served mashed potatoes that were so runny, that his whole plate resembled soup. Even though she insisted that she drained the pasta, her spaghetti was so watery that the sauce ran off the plate. Ted had no choice...

...he was forced to take out a restraining order.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreakyStarrbies
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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I apologize for becoming a deep-fried fritter made of mashed chickpeas.

I falafel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ajd011394
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2019
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My wife asked me if I've ever watched MASH.

I told her yeah, I watch it Alda time!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
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Thanksgiving is coming up. My wife's family makes mashed potatoes with the skins still on.

It's very unapeeling.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/first_must_burn
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2018
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I have come to love all of gods creatures.

Especially next to a pile of mashed potatoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toweliieee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?

When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.

When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
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What do you call fake potatoes?

Imitaters

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thelummx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
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What’s your sexual orientation if you loved mashed chickpeas?

A hummusexual

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abhijani97
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2018
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tutandgroan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2017
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I've been called cheesy, corny & a chicken. If someone calls me "mash potatoes with gravy" I can be a KFC Famous Bowl. #lifegoals
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OhTheHueManatee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2017
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Girlfriend just dropped this on me while we were making mashed potatoes

So while we were peeling the potatoes, I dropped some of the skin onto the floor. So instead of picking it up, I stick it onto her leg. She then says "Am I appealing????"

I am so proud

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steveeljefe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2014
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Sounds like a mashup to me
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Biz_Ascot_Junco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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What's it Called When Someone Has Sex on a Tombstone?

If it's two monsters, it's a monster mash.

Otherwise, it's a graveyard smash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/anonymoushenry
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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Everytime I'm leaving the house before dinner and we have soup or mashed potatoes or something liquid...

"Make sure to put some in your pocket for later!!"

So lame and it happens EVERY TIME.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hamsterwheel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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What’s Dracula’s favourite way to eat a potato?

Monster mash

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πŸ‘€︎ u/myname15MrG
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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How do you call a small potato PC

a microchip

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πŸ‘€︎ u/g0t__em
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2018
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A yam and a potato were walking down the road.

The potato asked the yam, "Wanna be my spudy?"

To which he replied, "We're a perfect mash, I already yam."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dasvott
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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What's it called when 2 potatoes are hooking up?

MASHING!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kolshpa
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
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Math teacher: If you're a family of 5 and your mom only has 3 potatoes, how would she feed everyone?

Johnny: She'll mash them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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Mom approved

I came home for a weekend and my mother was catching me up on some current events in the family.

Her: Oh yeah, your cousin has enlisted in the Navy and he's going to training pretty soon.

Me: Wow, how does the family feel about that?

Her: What do you mean?

Me: Well, are they... pause... All aboard with the idea?

both can't contain laughter

Everyone in my family is witty and we all love dad jokes so we always have a good time around the dinner table.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tatswithgats
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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What did the Nintendo say when congratulating the two male chefs?

Super Mash Bros.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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Two potatoes were walking together down the street.

They stepped off the curb and a speeding car came around the corner and ran one of them over. The uninjured potato called 911 and helped his injured friend as best he was able. The injured potato was taken to emergency at the hospital and rushed into surgery. After a long and agonizing wait, the doctor finally appeared. "I have good news, and I have bad news," he told the uninjured potato, "The good news is that your friend is going to pull through." "The bad news... is that he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
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I introduced a friend of mine to Swedish cuisine.

"Mashed potatoes, meatballs. Balls, meet mashed potatoes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DankOfTheEndless
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
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One day, Dracula gives his son β€œthe talk”. He tells him, β€œson, when two monsters love each other very much...” The son interrupts him and says...

β€œThey Mash!” β€œYes son! They do the monster mash”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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sin/cos

Me, Dad, holding Mom's calculator while furiously mashing the [ tan( ] button

Me: tan tan tan tan tan tan--

Mom: What the fuck are you doing?

Me: Sorry, I kinda went off on a tangent there...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cATSup24
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2017
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What did the dairy cow do for Halloween?

The Muenster mash.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HTreecko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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Dad joked my fiancΓ© over dinner.

Having dinner with fiancΓ© and parents, sausages, mash, vegetables. Delicious.

FiancΓ© sits down with her dinner, my Dad asks her why she doesn't have broccoli?

Her: "I can't eat it with irritable bowel"

Me: "you should eat it with carrots like the rest of us"

Uncle and Dad laughed, everyone else stopped forks halfway to mouths.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arathkone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2014
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What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?

Spare ribs!

Courtesy of a giggling 4 y/o

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BloodyDaft
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
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Bacon Puns

Why didn’t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? Β Kermit the Frog’s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? Β Kevin Bacon


If you can’t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, you’re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trump’s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesn’t whisper β€œHere comes the Baconator” before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


I’ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge that’s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we don’t build a wall on our northern border, they’ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaver…because I’m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know you’re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes...

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XQZahme
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
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What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?

Anyone can mash potatoes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihasanali
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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