What do you call Mary J Bligeβs overly accommodating Irish cousin?
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︎ Jan 12 2021
How did Mary know baby Jesus was 6 lbs. 3 oz. at birth?
She gave him a weigh in a manger.
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︎ Dec 21 2020
Why couldnβt Mary and Joseph attend the online conference?
There was no zoom at the inn.
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︎ Dec 23 2020
I donβt think Mary and Joesph ever got a divorce
It was a pretty stable relationship
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Mary Queen of Scots. My favorite one, but She was found guilty of high treason and the Head of the Monarchy was then..
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︎ Jul 06 2020
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...
When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.
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︎ Sep 02 2020
2 priests walk into a vampire
One says "Quick show him your cross"
The other priest crosses his arms and says "I'm so disappointed in you"
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︎ Sep 05 2020
Mary didnβt understand revolving doors.
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︎ May 18 2020
Why was the night Jesus was born so quiet?
Mary was giving Joseph the silent treatment for not booking a room in advance (this came from my dad π€£π€£)
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︎ Dec 12 2020
This is a Mary Pop-PIN
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︎ Mar 25 2020
Beautiful
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︎ May 31 2020
Mary Pill Poppins Pharmaceutical just created a miracle drug that can cure any human of any disease. It's effectiveness is renowned while it's side effects are surprisingly minimal: thick layer of skin develops on the lips while rendering them dry, cracked and quite odorous.
Patients effected by this claim it's super callused fragile lips that smell like halitosis
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︎ May 29 2020
Today I learned what happened to Marie Antoinetteβs head!
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︎ Apr 09 2020
When you have a friend named Mary
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︎ Dec 26 2019
Nate's mother asked him to delay the marriage by an year...
she wanted his fiance to mari_nate.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
Iβm going to open a restaurant that doesnβt do anything to prevent spreading the pandemic
Itβs called Thai Food Mary
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︎ Nov 08 2020
Sturgeon Mary
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︎ Dec 29 2019
I've called Bloody Mary three times now
I think she's ghosting me
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︎ Oct 01 2019
What was Jesusβ momβs last name?
Christmas
Mary Christmas everyone.
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︎ Dec 01 2020
Went to a priest to tell him about my weekend he told me to do 20 hail marys...
20 hail marys? Who does he think I am Aaron Rodgers?
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︎ Jan 31 2020
Iβm looking for punny popsicle names. Iβd like them to be a play on actual names like Pop Ross, Mary Pop-pins, Pop Seger, Albert Ice-stein, Freezy F Baby, David Pop-perfield, and Iggy Pop. Iβm particularly interested in playing upon the names of historical female figures. Help please and thank you!
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︎ Jul 18 2019
For halloween, my daughter dressed up as Mary Poppins, and then asked me if she could just skip the vegan neighbor's house.
When I her asked why, she said it was because their "Stupid Cauliflower Licorice Tastes A Lot Like Dog Shit."
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︎ Sep 05 2019
A father was laying on his deathbed...
βMary, my wife, are you here with me?β βYes, I am, dearest.β
βAnd Louise, my mother in law, are you here with me?β βYes, I am, Paul, Iβm here with you.β
βAnd you, children, are you here, Karen and Henry?β βYes, yes we are, daddy!β βThen how the hell is the living room light left on?!β
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︎ Sep 08 2020
When you are high on weed and you wanna get laid with your crush Mary... How would you propose
marijuana do it ?.... Haha lol for those of you who geddit
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︎ Feb 10 2019
The wise men come to the Virgin Mary and baby Jesus in the night, rapping on the door of their Bethlehem cottage suddenly. Mary yelps, answers the door, and says, relieved:
"You scared the bajeezus out of me!"
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︎ Nov 02 2019
Iβve got a rare sight disorder from watching Mary Poppins too many times... it called umdiddleyumdiddleyumdiddley eye.
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︎ Sep 08 2019
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an incredible set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. Plus, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: I do now realize I misspelled Gandhi. I cannot edit the title, just know that I see it and am sorry.
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︎ Jul 08 2019
Went to a Mary Poppins themed restaurant last night.
Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.
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︎ Jul 19 2019
Introduced my 3 year old to Mary Poppins and she loves it. But keeps telling me the joke told by Bert and Uncle Albert.
βI know a man with a wooden leg named Smith..β
βReally, whatβs the name of his other leg?β
She tells both lines and laughs loudly saying βthatβs funny Daddyβ...
Love it.
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︎ May 09 2019
What do you call a sleepwalking nun?
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︎ Jul 18 2019
What's the difference between Mother Mary and an experimental artist?
One made a messiah and the other "made a mess, sire".
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︎ Jun 15 2019
They only serve Bloody Marys.
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︎ Sep 23 2018
What do you call Mary Poppins when she feeds the birds?
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︎ May 10 2019
So if Mary had Jesus, and Jesus was the Lamb of God...
Does that mean Mary had a little lamb?
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︎ Aug 06 2018
My daughter wants a boyfriend, but hasn't been asked out yet. To comfort her, I bought her a little lamb, and named it "Relation".
It's officially her first relationsheep.
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︎ Feb 15 2020
The bible is the greatest story ever told.
And to hell with anyone who doesnβt believe me.
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︎ Jan 19 2020
The Red Hot Chili Peppers really love Marie Kondo.
Because she helps them give it away, give it away, give it away now.
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︎ Feb 10 2019
When Mary Jane and Peter Parker hit a rough patch,
She cut off ties to spite her man.
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︎ Feb 01 2019
What do you call Mary J Bligeβs overly accommodating Irish cousin?
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︎ Jan 12 2021
Why were Mary and Joseph not able to join a conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the Inn!
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Mary gave birth to Jesus in a manger
He is reportedly in a stable condition
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︎ Dec 15 2020
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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︎ Mar 23 2020
Just been to the new Mary Poppins themed restaurant
Super Cauliflower Cheese The Lobster Was Atrocious
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︎ Feb 23 2019
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him, A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Edit: Wow! Didn't expect this big reaction!
Thanks for the silver!
Edit 2: And gold!? Thanks again! :)
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︎ Feb 06 2019
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