Manly thanks
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moto_moto5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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There should be a manly constipation medication called "Court Marshall."

"You are now relieved of duty!"

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
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I just had the most manly craft beer at my Israeli restaurant.

It was called He-Brew.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/proborc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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My wife was surprised to hear that I actually enjoyed her punishment of making me sleeping on the sofa. I said that it made me feel manly, like I was camping.

...with a really angry bear somewhere close by.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
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Wife and I are at my son’s yellow belt ceremony and we see that the grand master’s name is Soon Man Lee, I chuckle she doesnt get why. I look her dead in the eyes, he’s not manly yet, but he will be soon. Now she thinks I’m damaged in some way.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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I don't know why the NFL tries to hold on to their macho, manly appearance.

They have bye weeks.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
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I asked my dad why he likes girly drinks, and he said that his favorite drink is actually a very manly drink. Carl Sagan was known to be quite a fan.

He sure loved his Cosmos.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sigismond0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2017
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This is a manly BEEard!
πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baumy23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2013
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I'm so manly!

Ask my ex why .....

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dostus-dilih
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2016
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So my father said I lacked "manly" traits

So he called me

"W/omanly"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dretland
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2014
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The hipster version of a dad joke could be called a man pun
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
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this is the best mega man pun ever TomPreston.deviantart.com…
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeathbyChiasmus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2012
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Dad - I want to try and wear my long hair up but I’m little abraid....

Mom - I wouldn’t. Man puns are lame.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad's favourite.

Growing up in Sydney there was a 'Baby Health Centre' across the street. My dad was an older guy so had the typical 'old man pun' sense of humour. Around Christmas one year I was walking by with my dad and he goes 'Hey. Where do baby elves go when they're sick? To the baby ELF centre!' Face palm.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kangawhat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2013
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A awesome dad joke pun I used yesterday

So I was talking with a friend and said a really bad pun. After a sigh and a head shake he said "Man puns are terrible" , to which I followed up, puns are not terrible unless you write them down on paper (because the become "tearable")...

Took him a second to get it, but I was proud.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fildain
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2013
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A man came up to me and said "Man, your clothes look gay".

I said "I know, they came out of the closet this morning".

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A blind man walks into a bar

And then a table... And then a chair...

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Geb69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
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Man with 2 left feet goes into a shoe store and asks....

"Do you sell flop flops?"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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A man who had just died was delivered to the mortuary wearing a beautiful black suit.

The mortician asked the deceased’s wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out the man looks good in the black suit he’s already wearing. The widow however said she thought her husband always looked his best in blue, and she would really like him in a blue suit. She then hands the mortician a blank cheque and says β€œI don’t care how much it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.” The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe. Remarkably, the suit fit him perfectly. She says to the mortician, β€œwhatever this costs I’m very satisfied, you did an excellent job and I’m incredibly grateful. How much did you spend?” To her astonishment the mortician presents her with her blank cheque, and he says β€œthere’s no charge.” Shocked she replies β€œno really, I feel like i must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit.” β€œHonestly ma’am”, the mortician says, β€œit costs nothing, you see a diseased gentleman about your husbands size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday. He was wearing an attractive blue suit. So I asked his wife if she minded if her husband went to the grave wearing black. She had said it made no difference so long as he looked nice. So from that point on it was really just a matter of switching the heads.”

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaladinDanza
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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A man with a stutter died in prison

He never got to finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 378
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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I heard the Kool Aid man is starting a baseball team.

He's the pitcher.

πŸ‘︎ 219
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cryingstlfan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
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A man in my gym just proposed and she said no.

They didn’t workout.

Edited: It changed to they.

Thanks lornstar7

πŸ‘︎ 274
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
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A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, β€œDoctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.”

The doctor looks at him and says, β€œSorry, I don’t follow you."

πŸ‘︎ 790
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly-dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire.

πŸ‘︎ 197
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?

A sighborg.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks...

He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Β‘Eso sΓ­ que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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My friend: Did you heard about the Italian man who died recently, he pasta way

Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?

(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)

Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.

πŸ‘︎ 280
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Madhur_Gupta_nerd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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A man walks into an open casket funeral and approaches the widow at the front. He asks: "Mind if I say a word?". "No, go ahead" she replies.

"Bargain" the man says.

"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/giftfrom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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an interesting title
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyYoda
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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Wok you man.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weebgod999
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into the doctor's office

"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.

"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.

"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.

"Like a glove."

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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Need to see a holy man?
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/owlman93
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gay french man?

A faguette.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MoondogGLOVER1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

i know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 134
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahunfiltered
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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Three men were onboard a ship playing dice on deck when the oldest man angrily jumped off the front of the boat. The younger man said..

You keeled my father. Prepare two die.

*I sent this to my brother and he replies: Was his name Inyougo?

^(What a freaking professional)

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calvinweight
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2021
🚨︎ report
To the man who invented the door knocker

I hope you win a Nobel prize

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lsharpe23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, β€œI don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

I told him, β€œI don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

πŸ‘︎ 200
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A man is walking down the street holding a bag of pasta upside down...

And then the penne dropped.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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The nurse tells the doctor: "There's an invisible man in the waiting room."

The doctor replies: "Tell him I can't see him now."

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_L_v_e_S
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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A man has been found guilty of using too many commas.

The judge told him to expect a long sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 94
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elwheelio
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
"I am Buzz Aldrin, second man on the moon"

"Neil before me"

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
What would you call a man from GdaΕ„sk?

A North Pole.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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A man has been stealing wheels of police cars.

The police is working tirelessly to catch him.

πŸ‘︎ 280
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Buffunder
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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An Italian man loses his hands from bike accident. What did his parents ask the doctor?

β€œWill my son able to speak again?”

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elver-Galarga7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
🚨︎ report
An actual joke from my 8 year old - Why can’t you trust atoms?

They make up everything.

I was proud.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaybird1905
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2021
🚨︎ report
Why can't a lactose intolerant dyslexic man keep a diary?

Because he's allergic.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PopeLatte
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are dogs man's best friend?

They stay by your side when things get Ruff-Ruff.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rhshi14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is Spider-Man so good at comebacks?

Because... with great power comes great response ability!

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mighty_Platypus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?

The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gambitK9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Man, hot air balloon rides keep getting more expensive every year.

But I guess that’s just inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigFrank97
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out...

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time."

Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?"

"Well..." the woman says. "A couple things, actually. I noticed you were wearing an Iron Maiden t-shirt. Iron Maiden are my favorite band of all time. When they went on their reunion tour in 1999, my parents took me to see them in Cleveland. I was 12 years old and it was the first concert I ever went to. I absolutely love Iron Maiden."

The man can't believe it.

"I saw them play Cleveland in '99! First concert I ever went to on my own. My best friend Jimmy Spitz and I told our parents we were sleeping at each others' houses, snuck out, took a bus into the city and saw them play at the Plain Dealer Pavillion!"

Naturally, they're both shocked.

"If that isn't weird enough..." says the woman. "I noticed you're reading Mark Twain. I was a communications major in university and I actually wrote my thesis on Mark Twain and how he used satire as a lens to comment on current events of the time, comparing him to satirical news sources of today. He's my favorite author."

Now the man is really taken aback, "Get out of here! I was an English major in university! I specialized in 19th century American literature and this is like my fourth or fifth time reading Tom Sawyer, I absolutely love Mark Twain."

They both can't believe it...this has got to be a match made in heaven.

"Ok..." the woman says. "Well, buckle up because here's the icing on the cake. I noticed you're eating a prune. Prunes are my absolute favorite fruit. When I was a kid, my grandfather lived on a farm. He had an orchard that mainly grew apples and some lemons, but he knew how much my sister and I loved prunes so he kept a couple of plum trees. Every year at the end of the summer, we'd go up and harvest the plums with him. He'd dry them and by the time we'd go back to his place for Thanksgiving he'd always have those prunes saved just for us. They're my favorite fruit! I love prunes, you're eating a prune, this has got to be fate. What do you say?"

The man puts down his fruit and responds,

"It's a date!"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the elephant ask the naked man ?

How do you breathe out of that thing?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedMusical
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"

The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepyPastaKing1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
What last name belongs to a man who is annoying and inherited a lot of money?

Richardson.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapps2000x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œInflation is creeping up,” a young man said to his friendβ€”

β€” β€œYesterday I ordered a twenty-five dollar steak in a restaurant and told them to put it on my creditβ€”and it fit.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who hid his train set?

He was good a covering his tracks

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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A man with 2 left feet walks into a shoe store and asks...

"Do you sell flip flips?"

πŸ‘︎ 222
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle, and a well dressed man on a bicycle..?

Attire.

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

πŸ‘︎ 749
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A man has been stealing wheels off police cars

The police are working tirelessly to catch him

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spinach_Stock
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report

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