All the kids are into, "Post Mah Loan" I take it? Well here you go then!
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IMightEatPeople
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
What would an individual of mah-chismo culture say?

This is mah cheese, nacho cheese.

Found out we're expecting a few days ago, so I had to come up with a joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lingerfickin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Even Ferdinand Feghoot could be outpunned on occasion – but he always rose to the challenge.

There was, for instance, the time he conducted a crew of new S.A.R.H. (Society for the Aesthetic Rearrangement of History -BJ) recruits – all from late twentieth-century Terra – on a training study of Carter’s World, a newly established agricultural colony attempting to support itself by the export of edible nuts. Barely into their second generation, and having yet to show a profit, the colonists were technologically backward. Nevertheless, they showed a surprising ingenuity in the use of their few advantages. It was this resourcefulness that Feghoot was demonstrating to his rookies.

β€œLook at the perfection with which these streets are graded”, exclaimed one student. β€œEarth-moving machinery on this scale is strictly high technology stuff. How can they do it?”

β€œA new alleyway is being constructed, nearby”, said Feghoot. β€œLet us walk that way while I explain.” As they strolled, he told his students that countless centuries before, the Carter’s World system had been inhabited by a now-vanished race of giants. This very planet had served them for a nursery, and among the many artifacts they had left were thousands of childrens blocks, immense and precision-cut. You simply jack one up onto logs, bring it where you want it, put collapsible jacks underneath, snake out the logs, spread soil more or less evenly beneath, and collapse the jacks.

β€œI see”, said the student. β€œIt’s not graded road at all; its a simple hammered-earth base.”

β€œThat’s right,” Feghoot went on smoothly. β€œYou just hit the road jack and don’t come back no mo.”

His students registered dismay and anguish.

β€œIsn’t that right, old-timer?,” Feghoot demanded of an ancient Carterian standing by the mouth of the newly completed alley they had just reached.

β€œAhm afraid not, suh”, said the senior citizen, and the students giggled at Feghoots discomfiture. β€œOh, we used to do it that way, but it was far too much trouble. It’s the soil heah. You see, the very same soil which produced our famous cashews is so high in clay content that a child could roll out a road of it. Then, we simply use a system of lenses to bake it into hardness. Ahve just completed this alley mahself, and ahm just a retired professor of Sports History, much too old and feeble to handle hydraulic jacks.

β€œSo you see,” he finished, eyes twinkling, β€œMah hammered alley is really cashews clay.”

Howls of agony rose from the students, but Feghoot never hesitated. β€œAnd he”, he said, turning to his students, β€œis clearly the gradi

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nomnommish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about Ozzy Osbourne’s new concept album about Donald Trump’s attack of gastric flu?

It’s called Diarrhoea of a Madman

I dun made dat un up mah-self

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tony-2112
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
What's the respectful way to bury a cow?

cream-ate them

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dangerfolf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Cowboy Boots

A woman went into a bar in Waco and saw a cowboy with his feet propped up on a table. He had the biggest boots she'd ever seen. The woman asked him if it's true what they say about men with big feet being well endowed.

The cowboy grinned and said, "Shore is, little lady. Why don't you come on out to the bunkhouse and let me prove it to you?"

The woman wanted to find out for herself, so she spent the night with him. The next morning she handed him a $100 bill.

Blushing, he said, "Well, thankee, ma'am. Ah'm real flattered. Ain't nobody ever paid me for mah services before."

"Don't be flattered," she said. "Take the money and buy yourself some boots that fit."

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A Dad walks into a bookstore and says, β€œ Can I have a book by Shakespeare?” β€œOf course, sir, which one?”

Dad: William.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you get a farm girl to like you?

A tractor

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Baboon_Warlord
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the most expensive part of the body?

MahKneeeee

This had my family shaking their head and groaning all through the holidays. It's more of a verbal joke I admit.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DatOtherPapaya
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I've fallen in love with a Korean ...

I think I've found my Seoul Mate ^^

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YummyKorea
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
🚨︎ report
A good romance starts with a good friendship.

A bad romance starts with rah rah ah ah ah ro mah ro mah ro mah mah ga ga oh la la.

Got the joke from r/memes

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tifld
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a man who has no shins?

Toe knee

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lsharpe23
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2018
🚨︎ report
When dad starts a conversation about romance.

Dad: You know son a good romance would be when you guys would have this kind of powerful attraction with each other.

Me: Then how do you know if it's a bad?

Dad: Bad romance starts with RAH RAH RAH AH AH RO MAH ROMAH MAH

Me:

Dad:

Lady Gaga:

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IAEInferno
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
🚨︎ report
What do rechargeable batteries say when they get plugged in?

"Get into mAh belly"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mteigers
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
When my friend saw my black and blue toenail.

Him: "is that from skiing?"

Me: "yeah, that's mah-ski-toe!" proceed to make mosquito noises

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/E-So-Money
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.