What's your best out-loud pun?

I've read a lot of puns that work based on reading them, but what's your favorite spoken pun?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wondermotion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
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Do they allow loud laughs in Hawaii?

Or just a low ha?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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When visiting Hawaii, you're not allowed to laugh out loud.

Only a low ha.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JaceAltair
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...

"Who was that?" asked my wife.

"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"

"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"

She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes please."

"Where are you?"

"Over here...on the swing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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In the French Court of Louis XIV, going to the bathroom happened all over the place, but loud farting was really stigmatized. So people experiencing gas had to rush to a specifically appointed room called the...

Toot Suite

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xrayhearing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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My gf complained about our loud neighbours

Me: Then be as loud as them, it will cancel each other out

Gf: what kind of logic is that?

Me: Sound logic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sanscipher435
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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Did you hear Hawaii has banned loud laughter?

Yeah, especially when using the same recycled joke 50 million times.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyrfankt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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If Dan could yell very loud

how loud would Daniel?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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Don’t expose yourself to loud frequencies for too long...

Trust me, it Hz.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mitchinatr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My neighbor is playing very loud music

It a noise me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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Loud noises.

They're ear-ritating.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Every time my dad goes to the eye doctor, they ask him to read the smallest text on the chart out loud.

He says, "Printed in China."

This is a true story lol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BasementGrowNerd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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What is fast, loud, and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Genin-Jenin
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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My son ate too much Easter candy one year, and threw it all up making loud wailing sounds as he did so.

I didn't want to hear another Peep out of him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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My head lice are playing music out loud

Must be in my hair band

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Whales can’t stand loud noises.

In fact they cannot stand at all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoav-bam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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Got myself a new dog, with a low, loud and resonant bark.

Going to call him Sub-woofer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/denandbil
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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My dad was an organ player at basketball games, one time something got stuck on the organ and it made such a loud sound he sadly died.

The death was listed as β€œorgan failure”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benyou34
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
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A group of crows is called a murder, but what do you call a group of really loud crows?

A caw-CAW-phony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeabaSquad
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2020
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My friend named his loud dog Forrest

Because he has a lot of bark!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coberh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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I was on the phone and my daughter said β€œyour phone is so loud.”

I said β€œYeah, I have my volume up high because I’m deaf.” She replied β€œhi deaf.” ....I’m so proud

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πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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What is big, loud, and crunchy?

A rocketchip

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πŸ‘€︎ u/myname69420
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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I was yelling really loud into my colander

And I think I strained my voice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OCR9
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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My actual dad reading the newspaper out loud "learn to play piano by ear!"

Then he mutters under his breath "I'd rather use my fingers"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mattc_guitar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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One of those puns you need to say out loud to get
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluer1e
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
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Say it out loud and you might get it

Why can’t you give alcohol to people who work for mining companies?

They’re miners!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/killstreakbywords
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?

It hertz your eardrums

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShyDemonKat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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Always put condoms on your ears when listening to loud music

Otherwise you might catch hearing aids.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DutchBlob
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
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If you dont get this joke......then say this out loud

Whale oil beef hooked.......

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paladium9999
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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Say β€œRise up lights” out loud.

Congratulations, you can now say razor blades in Australian.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G-Note
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
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Why is tennis such a loud game?

Because each player raises a racket

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sasherrrrz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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TIL laughing out loud is prohibited at the Honolulu library.

A low "ha" is required.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tripsteur
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
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What do you call a loud poop?

A cacaphony.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiskeyBadger_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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Say it out loud if you don't get it
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nlevercickname
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Do they allow loud laughing in hawai

Or just a low ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJonesy007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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I got banned from Hawaii for having a loud laugh

All they accept is a low ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/solanimus
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?

Or is it just a low ha?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/suktupbutterkup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
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Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?

Or is it just a low ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Candidate_035
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Did you know people aren't allowed to laugh out loud in Hawaii?

They are only allowed a low ha.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/matdave
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
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Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii

or is it just.... A Low Ha?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HairlineGod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Do Hawaiians laugh out loud?

Or is it just a low ha?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/redditorhowie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Do they allow loud laughing in Hawaii?

Or just a low ha?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Do they allow loud laughing Hawaii..

Or is it just a low ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/archiewalton09
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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What's fast, loud and crunchy ?

A rocket chip

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance!" says the husband. "It's three o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push." he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not! It's three in the morning and it's pouring out!"

"Well, you have a short memory." says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes." comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here, on the swing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
🚨︎ report

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