Why do clownfish live in salt water?

They would sneeze if they lived in pepper water

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/arrenlex
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2023
🚨︎ report
To all my friends out west living through severe drought conditions and water rationing...

Get well soon.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2022
🚨︎ report
Leather is rated by texture.

Cows with abundant water sources usually have softer hides, they get rated A.

Cows living in dry climates, on the other hand, are usually D-hide rated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drumstick413
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2023
🚨︎ report
Live reporting! Proud Dad Moment Just Now. Daughter to me while vigorously moving a bottle of Dasani, "I'm making holy water!". Me: "How?"

Daughter: "I'm shaking the hell out of it"

Side note. The me, "how?" reminded me of how, mostly in Northern British English (where the aitches are frequently dropped) , you can do the joke about speaking like a cat.

Side side note. This then reminded me about the audio joke about a cat on a motorcycle.

Side side side note. This, for some totally unknown reason, then got me thinking about two nuns on bikes riding down a cobbled street.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BXCellent
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a dog that lives in the water.

A pupperfish

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DragonReborn64
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What blade lives by the water?

A Beyblade

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GREENHOWLER18
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Due to water leakage, my bathroom collapsed through the floor into my living room.

I do not want to let that sink in.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAzrael2013
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2021
🚨︎ report
How did the piano open the door?

With its keys

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2022
🚨︎ report
POOL

Once there was a millionaire who had a collection of live alligators. He kept them in a pool at the back of his mansion. The millionaire also had a beautiful daughter who was single. One day, he decides to throw a huge party. During the party he announces, "My dear guests, I have a proposition to every man here. I will give one million dollars or my daughter to the man who can swim across this pool full of alligators and emerge unharmed!" As soon as he finishes his last word, there is the sound of a large splash. The guests all turn to see a man in the pool swimming as fast as he can. They cheer him on as he keeps stroking. Finally, the swimming man makes it to the other side unharmed. The millionaire is so impressed, he says, "My boy, that was incredible! Fantastic! I didn't think it could be done! Well, I must keep my end of the bargain. Which do you want, my daughter or the one million dollars?" The man says, "Listen, I don't want your money. I don't want your daughter, either. I want the person who pushed me in that water

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Expert-Angle-8214
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2023
🚨︎ report
No-one believes me when I tell them I live under a bridge...

... they say I'm trolling.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stereoroid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2022
🚨︎ report
A list of over 350 Dad Jokes!

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. β€œI’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. β€œSorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. β€œYou’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. β€œWe don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. β€œWhy not?” one yogurt asks. β€œWe’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, β€œWhat are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, β€œIt’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, β€œWhat’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, β€œArrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, β€œI don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbersβ€”some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bugasum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2022
🚨︎ report
What's a flowing water with living organisms called?

A livestream.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nexxus25
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I install tankless water heaters for a living.

It's a tankless job, but somebody's got to do it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ch3000
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Environmentalists are debating whether or not to remove a local beaver population. Leaving them would cause flooding, but removing them would affect wildlife.

Damned if they do, damned if they don't

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealtechnird
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Ducks in Rome live in water

Aqueducts

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Byumbyum
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife left me because of my pasta fetish.

I’m feeling cannelloni right now.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhaleWhaleWhale95
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I love watching programmes about lakes and rivers on the Internet. Anything

Anything water related really...

I'm actually watching a live stream right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2022
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Moral of the story: living well is the best revenge

Once upon a time, there was a small desert village with a single well on the outskirts of the town. One morning, a woman went to the well to fetch water for the day. The lady was crying and the well heard this. A voice came from the well and asked β€œwhat’s wrong?”

The lady stopped sobbing and asked the well, in utter disbelief, β€œyou can talk?”

β€œYes” the well said, β€œlong ago, the witch living in this town gave life to me so I could protect the towns people”

β€œAlas” the woman said, β€œI am the daughter of that witch. She lived in peace with the town for many years, but the new mayor, who is a violent and hateful man, riled the townspeople up against her. The town burnt my mom at the stake! I am still young and do not know much magic. I tried to curse the town, but failed, and now I fear I may never avenge my mother.”

β€œDo not be afraid” the well said, β€œI will take care of this.”

The next morning the mayor was going to the well to fetch water when he heard an odd noise. He peered over the edge to look down as far as he could when an impossibly long arm shot up at him. The arm grabbed the mayor and dragged him down into the depths of the well. There was a horrible crunching sound and the mayor was never seen again. The townsfolk apologized to the witch’s daughter and everyone lived happily ever after.

See moral above for the pun...

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManGood2002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A salutary lesson. Posted to r/jokes, probably more Dad-like

Certain related tribes in sub-Saharan Africa often raided each other's villages when most folk were herding animals. Sometimes they would take vegetables and water, but more often taking little things, to gently mock each other. It was all in good fun. After a successful raid, the "winning" tribe would celebrate by dancing under the stars, or in one of their large, grass-covered spirit houses.

One day, the Imaqi took their Satari shaman's sceptre. The following day, the Satari not only stole the sceptre back, but also the Imaqi chief's regalia.

It went back and forth, until, on a rare and daring escapade, three Imaqi warriors stole the Santari chief's throne. They put it on display, above their chief's throne in the spirit house.

The Imaqi thought that this was hilarious, and as it was beginning to rain, made merry and danced in the spirit house. Suddenly, the heavy throne on display fell down and killed a number of the dancing revelers.

The moral should be obvious: those who live in grass houses shouldn't stow thrones.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/this_is_jq
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend got REALLY mad at me for punning, advice needed!

My best friend lives on the East Coast. I’m on the West. He often streams his games over Skype so I can hang out and watch. He was playing the Witcher 3, and fighting the water monster men. I said β€œThey just want to know the shape of you,” and he coincidentally died at that moment.

He got really, really mad. I always knew my puns annoyed him a little, but when I was sad, he’d tell dumb puns he’d google to cheer me up. But he just went into a tangent on how much puns annoy him and how he doesn’t get that I keep doing them over and over again every day whenever I talk with him. Trying to stop or cut back on puns would be pretty difficult and make me sad; I love witty wordplay and commentary, and bottling it up feels awful. But apparently it really, really annoys him.

What should I do?

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call male oysters?

Boysters. What do you call bodybuilding oysters?

Hoisters. What do you call oyster pirates?

Ahoysters. What do you call oyster nuns?

Cloisters. What do you call oysters that live under water?

Moisters. What do you call shy oysters?

Coysters. What do you call working class oysters?

Employsters. What do you call oysters with an evil plan?

Ploysters. What do you call singing oysters?

Voiceters.

I should stop before this gets worseter.

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OiTheRolk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 498
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πŸ‘€︎ u/willywanka2003
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do many fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/feemee69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water would make them sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnEvilSunBro
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do some fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze. (From my 8 year old daughter)

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asktolearn
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tangiblelychee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maxterchief99
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because if they lived in pepper water, they would sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeaPanties
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmmaTFox131
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you know?

Leather is β€œrated” based on its texture.

Cows with abundant water sources typically have softer hides, rated β€œA”. But hides from cows living in hot, dry climates are typically D Hide-Rated.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrimsonAvenger_ZA
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2022
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks live in salt water

Because pepper water makes then sneeze

πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PrincessKitty4
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WilloFortune__
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/optionalsilence
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do sharks live in salt water?

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/seditive26114
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2016
🚨︎ report
You can live without soft water

but its hard.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2017
🚨︎ report
"I wonder what it would be like to live under water..."

"I wonder what it would be like to live under water..." said my girlfriend on our way to see Finding Dory, to which I responded with "I don't know, but I bet you'd be under a lot of pressure."

She hung her head in shame because she knew my entire family would soon hear about this.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealLilGillz14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Why do most fish live in salt water?

Because they are allergic to pepper.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stitch2k1
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad once tried making coffee. When he tasted it he said "ahh, like making love in a canoe."

I asked if it was that good, his smile faded and he looked me dead in the eye as he said no, its fucking close to water. He poured it down the drain without losing focus and walked out of the kitchen

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A memory from my long past

This subreddit made me remember when I was 13ish, my dad had to bring in a plummer to help replace the water tank in the house (we lived on a well). I came in the room and they were having a LOT of trouble.

After they told me how bad it was, I said, "That sounds terrible... well... I guess it was just a pipe dream..."

I want to say I remember a slight chuckle, but was still shooed out of the room.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stubbadubdub
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2022
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

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πŸ‘︎ 94
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My son is driving my wife and I crazy.

My boy, Arthur, is slow. He is the slowest child I’ve ever met. And I don’t mean mentally, he just doesn’t move quickly at all no matter what the urgency.

He takes an hour to get out of bed and stand up in the morning. He takes an hour to eat. When we go anywhere we have to tell him 20 minutes in advance because he takes that long to get his shoes on. His showers…we had to install an industrial sized water heater and hook it up to his shower exclusively because he would drain the tank and shower in ice cold water and started getting sick from it.

The worst part is that even if you help him out he doesn’t go faster. We can feed him and he’ll just swallow slower. We can wash him and he’ll just sit there for longer.

I’ve learned to live with it and be content because I know he won’t change. But my wife can’t take it. Just the other day she told me she was going to punish him to make him go quicker:

β€œI’ve had it with him! I’m going to start giving him timeouts and taking away toys for going so slow!”

β€œHoney,” I said, β€œit’ll never work.”

β€œWhy not?!”

β€œBecause you can’t rush Art.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunselpower
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report

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