What do you call a Cruise liner full of academics?

A Scholarship.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Sailing aboard the new cruise liner SS Penis is by invitation only.

It's an exclusive member ship.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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The word "liner" is so important

that it's under "lined" in the dictionary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewyNutCluster
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Do you use toilet seat liners in public restrooms?

Or do you not give a crap

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πŸ‘€︎ u/platformjuan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Actually a wife joke, but I haven't laughed so hard at a one liner in a while.

Last night my wife and I were talking. We've been married 20 years. She was just laying on me and it can get hard to breathe like that. She noticed I was struggling to breathe and said, "At least I still take your breath away."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Funless
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
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I’m strictly a one liner comedian

I only perform on the Queen Mary.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/procrastiprov
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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I thought this was the best one liner but it fell flat

_

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dlveazie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
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One liner

Males are just females without the fes

Fes can be forced to sound like Fees, and woman have a stereotype of spending money

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karwaffle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
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If you were going to kill a fly what one liners would you say before you did it ?

Me and a friend came up with 3: β€œMy dick must be out because this fly’s undone” β€œHate to be a buzz kill” And β€œInsect yourself before you wreck yourself”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/teleman96
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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One liner to rule the mall reddit.com/r/Showerthough…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ursppachulli
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2019
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Two wrongs don't make a right... [one-liner]

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left, and two Wrights made an airplane.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/well_yeahh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2014
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The best dad-jokes are one-liners.

________________________

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
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My favorite one-liner

y = mx + b

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πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
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Indian commentator making the best one liners twitter.com/GKTFO/status/…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/e_line_65
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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Here's a good one liner

__________.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2015
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Cheesy one liner.

At my in-laws over the weekend for Thanksgiving. Walk into bedroom, change clothes, walk out and announce to everyone- The funniest thing happened. I walked into the bedroom and out and I feel like a changed man.....

Feel free to use that one to impress absolutely no one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Medic9910
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2018
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Just a few one-liners my dad thought up tonight

"Parallel lines struggle to make ends meet".

"Decapitated man can't get ahead".

"Reformed junkie encouraged to get back on the horse".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Earthwire
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
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Wanna hear a good one liner?

1 Dimension

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jalen2612
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
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My dad's groan-worthy one-liner...

A termite walks into a pub and asks, "Is the bartender here?"

The blank stares before you get it make it all the more amusing. To us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/heidibearmommacat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2015
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This looks like a pretty good one liner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartmitten
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2017
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/r/DadJokes for the lazy - A video with some of the best one-liner dad jokes submitted in 2016

https://youtu.be/15JgRNjVM8E

After browsing through some of the past year's posts, I decided to make this video capturing some of the best of what was posted here! All one-liners that translate well do video. Hope you enjoy the recap of the year!

If people like this, I may start making a series of some of the top subs posts as "Reddit for the Lazy" videos, a tl;dr of the top posts, in a single-click video!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1banana2split
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
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The only difference between a one-liner joke and a dad joke is

apparent

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Turkitage
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2017
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Dad hit me with a one-liner today

He spins a 360 showcasing his head, and says "Hey son, I got a hair cut today. Can you tell which one!?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BirdTrain
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2013
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My Dads favorite one liner

"Hey son, you know what I like about you?" Then I say "No what?"...

..."Nothing at all." HAHAHAHA sadface

EDIT: Now I use that joke on my sons. happyface

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jassteX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
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Nice and simple one-liner from Dad yesterday.

So I bought a new suit for work yesterday and when I came downstairs dressed in it I asked my parents "how do I look?" Dad responds: "with your eyes." He though it was a home run

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hansel4150
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2013
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Just a few one liners my dad came up with last night



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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ikemafuna
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2014
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A russian, a brit, and a mexican enter a one-liner pickup contest to win over the heart of a super hot covergirl...

...with the caveat that they have to use the words "liver" and "cheese" in their pickup line.

The Russian walks up to her and proudly recites: "My liver aches for you like it does for vodka, and my heart is incomplete like gruyere cheese". Crickets. The girl is a bit confused but is impressed with the guy's large biceps and full beard.

The Brit walks over to her and stammers: "I will tease your fancy with a sliver of cheese and liver". Nonsensical, but his accent did the trick. The girl blushes slightly.

The Mexican guy sees his opportunity and loudly yells: "Liver alone! Cheese mine!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xandros91
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
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My dad's favorite one-liner.

Whenever our waitress/waiter comes by to ask how our dinner is, he'll respond with "Best (meal) I've had all day."

And then explain that he works third shift, and just woke up twenty minutes before we got to the restaurant. Every time. And then laugh to himself. Every time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godolin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2013
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Grandad one-liner...

"Is your face hurting you? Cos it's killing me"

Cue manic laughter. Every. Time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tinkerbe11
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2013
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My dad's brilliant macabre one liner

So my dad was talking to an acquaintance of ours, who is a landlord. My dad's acquaintance said he went in to check on one of his tenants and found him dead in his Lay-Z-Boy watching TV, remote still in hand and T.V still running. My dad's response on hearing this bit of news "Welp, I bet he wasn't watching the Life Channel"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/deutschbag17
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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Friend told me a great one-liner.

The thing about pencils is that if it doesn't have a sharp tip, it's pointless.

(I paraphrased).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/outofheart
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2014
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My dad dropped this one liner on me this morning after drinking coffee that my mom had made.

"this coffee is full of grounds... grounds for divorce"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/regulatuh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2014
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Heres a one=liner

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chromiridium
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2017
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