Matthew McConaughey might have a torn ligament.

He's going to have an MRIRIRI scan.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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Can yall help me with a class project? I need puns about ACLs (ligament). Torn or untorn is fine.


πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scanlansam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2015
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How did the Jewish soccer player get hurt?

He Torah ligament!! Courtesy of my 13 year old son who is soon having bar mitzvah. I love that my kids now make their own dad jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ‘€︎ u/lessworkiskey
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
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Accidental Jesus dad joke

I recently tore all the ligaments in my ankle and I’m still in rehab. I was on the sidewalk concentrating on my crutches when a construction worker popped up in front of me. Initially I thought he was going to tell me I was walking under something dangerous; halfway through I thought he was going to ask me out; then Jesus happened:

β€œHey, that looks like it hurts!”

β€œNaw, it’s not bad, it’s much better now.”

β€œRunning? Skiing? How’d you do it?”

β€œRock climbing.”

β€œRock climbing! Wow, so you must be strong, eh?”

β€œYeah, I’m ripped.”

β€œ … ripped? Really?”

β€œYeah, I’m super ripped.”

β€œ … oh. Wow. Not joking.”

β€œYeah, I’m joking. I’m not actually ripped.”

β€œ … ahaha … hah. That was good.”


β€œSo, I’m Christian.”

β€œHi, Christian.”

β€œ... and I don’t know if you’ve read the Bible, but the Bible says that laying on of hands, especially for our fellow Christians, will heal. And I’ve …” etc.

It took me a block to realize that I’d accidentally made a Dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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The best joke my dad ever told

My dad is really proud of this one. It's the only joke he's ever told that's been funny enough to make somebody laugh so hard that they spit out of their nose. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for this joke, so let me give you some context first:

He's been in a motorcycle accident (hit and run by an illegal immigrant), and had to have most of his vertebrae fused. They use titanium rods to hold your back from bending, so as you can imagine its kind of a major operation. His doctor prescribed a year (or longer if needed) of massage therapy, which he was thankful for. Twice a week he went in to a small clinic for a few hours at a time, and usually had the same masseuse. Let's call her Marge.

After four months of therapy they of course got to know each other very well. He was always faithful to my mother, but he was good friends with Marge. Their conversations range all the way from baseball to differentials, and everything stays platonic.

Here's where the story begins:

During a massage, they are having an energetic conversation, the time comes where he turns onto his back so that she can get to his knee ligaments (chainsawed his kneecap a few years prior, doc said may as well get there too). She goes at it like normal, and the conversation continues. Now here comes the part that made my dad wait to tell me this until recently: The "stimulation" in his knee for some reason, on that day out of all others, triggered a reflexive erection. There was nothing he could do to stop it.

The conversation goes quiet. Marge notices, but doesn't say a word. She remains professional. She continues working. My dad is more embarrassed than he's ever been. Several minutes of silence pass, and my dad cant take it anymore.

"Marge," he says, "I think we need to talk about the elephant in the room."

He raises his head to look down the table at her. He glances at it, then back to her. With a slight shake of his head he says:

"Wait nevermind, it's only his trunk"

πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2015
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Pregnancy hurts

My wife is 30 weeks pregnant. When she got up from the couch, she winced in pain. Being the caring husband that I am, I asked what was wrong. She responds with "oh just round ligament pain". She glared when I asked how her square ligaments were doing.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ‘€︎ u/mickguinness
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2016
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