๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jan 18 2009
What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer?
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ Mar 04 2021
Lawyer: My client is trapped inside a penny.
Judge: What?
Lawyer: He's in a cent.
Judge: You're going to jail with him.
๐︎ 73
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︎ Mar 18 2021
My lawyer's favorite drink subpoena colada.
๐︎ 11
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︎ Mar 23 2021
A lawyer finished his closing argument...
He then took out a pillow, put his bag on it, and covered the bag with a baby blanket. "What are you doing?" asked the judge. The lawyer replied, "I rest my case."
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Apr 15 2021
A lawyer went to the gym
He was trying to loose some lLBs
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Mar 28 2021
If a lawyer gets a hip replacement surgery, do they call the procedure a rebuttal?
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Feb 18 2021
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer
๐︎ 144
๐
︎ Feb 15 2021
What is the most common outfit for lawyers to wear ?
๐︎ 20
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︎ Feb 09 2021
What does a lawyer name her daughter
๐︎ 14
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︎ Feb 24 2021
What do lawyers wear to court?
๐︎ 70
๐
︎ Jan 23 2021
Are all cases U2's lawyer does...
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Jan 28 2021
My dad was an alcoholic who wanted to be a lawyer
He could never pass the bar
๐︎ 63
๐
︎ Jan 13 2021
What's a lawyer's favorite kind of underwear?
Briefs, but sports writers love boxers, and special forces soldiers go commando.
๐︎ 6
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︎ Jan 28 2021
My friend Robert is a lawyer who specializes in helping convicted people by getting their records erased permanently. Everyone calls him...
๐︎ 13
๐
︎ Dec 23 2020
How could a tailor become such a good lawyer?
Because he had lots of experience in sewing.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Jan 15 2021
The lawyer always kept losing his cases
He didn't mind cause he was practicing
๐︎ 12
๐
︎ Dec 30 2020
Did you hear about the lawyer who learned on the job?
He gained all his knowledge through trials and error.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Jan 18 2021
Why canโt alcoholics become lawyers?
Because they can never just pass a bar.
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jan 13 2021
What do lawyers wear to work?
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ Dec 23 2020
What does a lawyer wear to work?
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Dec 21 2020
Whatโs a lawyerโs least favorite cheese?
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Nov 18 2020
What did the lawyer use when he went fishing?
Deโbaitโ!
or, alternate punchline:
Bating tactics!
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Dec 06 2020
Why did the strawberry get a lawyer?
โCause it was in a jam!
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Dec 11 2020
Iโm not saying a word without my lawyer present
Cop: But you are the lawyer?
Me: Then whereโs my present?
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Nov 12 2020
Gotta be a lawyer pursuing rap
Call myself the bar inspector
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Dec 13 2020
You shouldnโt take a lawyerโs advice over emails
Because that would be
E-legal.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Nov 22 2020
My lawyer advised me of a hernia mesh replacement lawsuit
Sounds like a huge pain in the butt
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Oct 14 2020
When I become a lawyer, I want to defend a penguin....
Just so I can say, "Your honour!! My client clearly isn't a flight risk."
๐︎ 11
๐
︎ Nov 15 2020
When asexual become lawyers they're
๐︎ 16
๐
︎ Sep 24 2020
Why did the lawyer yell at his housekeeper?
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Nov 23 2020
My wife has a lawyer's boobs
๐︎ 51
๐
︎ Aug 07 2020
Lawyer - Is it crime to throw salt in someone's eyes?
Judge - Yes, that's assault!
Lawyer - I know it's a salt but is it a crime?
๐︎ 35
๐
︎ Sep 25 2020
What did the lawyer say when he put his luggage to sleep?
๐︎ 21
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︎ Sep 10 2020
I heard you can get lawyers at Ikea now.
They're very affordable, but you have to build your own case.
๐︎ 22
๐
︎ Oct 25 2020
Lawyer vs. Tailor
Tailor: you said the there was one hole the pocket only, there are definitely more!
Lawyer: I lied, sew me!
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Sep 06 2020
Did you know that lawyers are buried 12 feet deep when they die?
Apparently deep down they are good people.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Oct 21 2020
The biggest fan of U2 was a penniless lawyer
Everything he did was pro Bono
๐︎ 14
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︎ Jul 30 2020
My wife's mother is a lawyer.
๐︎ 109
๐
︎ Jun 14 2020
I stole a lawyerโs underwear right before court.
Thereโs no way heโll succeed without his legal briefs.
๐︎ 75
๐
︎ Jun 28 2020
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Sep 01 2020
A Renaissance era lawyer lost his law license for insulting the king...
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Sep 21 2020
I showed my damaged luggage to a lawyer, and said, โI want to sue the airline!โ
The lawyer said, โYou donโt have much of a case.โ
๐︎ 10k
๐
︎ May 17 2019
Lawyer says, my client is trapped in a penny
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Jan 16 2021
Me: Iโm not saying a word without my lawyer present, Cop: You ARE the lawyer
Me: So whereโs my present?!
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Nov 08 2020
What did the lawyer use when he went fishing?
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Sep 11 2020
A man in an interrogation room says, โIโm not saying a word without my lawyer present!" The cop growls, "You ARE the lawyer!"
The lawyer shrieks, "Exactly! So whereโs my present?!"
๐︎ 12k
๐
︎ Jun 09 2019
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