I am asking two of my girlfriends to be my bridesmaids and wanted to word the question in a punny way related to their careers- one is a first-year medical resident and the other is a law student. I would like to flatter them/make it funny. Any and all ideas are appreciated!! If there is a better sub to ask this question please let me know:))
Father-in-law
We're both lawyers.
"Your honor, my client is CLEARLY not a flight risk."
Judge: What?
Lawyer: He's in a cent.
Judge: You're going to jail with him.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appea
... keep reading on reddit โกBy now weโre all suspicious of any hit piece that comes out against AMC, but todayโs major (and oddly lengthy) MarketWatch opinion hit job has some curious connections to hedge funds. Link to MarketWatch article (4/29/21) in case you missed it:
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/should-you-buy-amc-stock-these-analysts-say-not-at-any-price-11619697643
So, like many of you Iโm reading that MW opinion article today and wondering โWhy would anybody โ let alone 3 authors โ write such a length article against AMC today?โ The lengths the authors go to tear down and shred AMC was almost comical. Such detail like somebody maybe had an axe to grind against the company and itโs reddit shareholders???
Iโm not even going to get into some of their analysis which is purely speculative or questionable, itโs the impact of publishing negative pieces like this that had the impact. People just see the headline and are spooked. Thatโs the goal of course.
Whelp, I did some digging and the guys who wrote it all work for a company called New Constructs. (No secret. Itโs mentioned at the end of their ridiculous opinion article.) The interesting thing, however, is their companyโs connection to hedge funds. IN FACT - theyโve run their own hedge fund focused on short selling strategy AT THE SAME TIME they were running New Constructs and publishing advisory articles about the markets!
The CEO of New Constructs is one of the articleโs authors and oddly enough was also the Managing Partner of hedge fund Novo Capital at the same time they were running anew Constructs.
David Trainer, CEO New Constructs LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidtrainer
I even found one of their fund offering reports from 2014 which discusses their short strategy.
https://www.newconstructs.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/NovoCapitalMgmt_1Q14_LetterToInvestors1.pdf
To make matters more interesting, in the above report their law firm is named and what do you know, when you DD the firm who are there clients?? HEDGE FUNDS on Wall Street! You canโt make this up. One of their partners was even quoted in an article mentioning Citadel. Now we donโt know who their specific clients are but it doesnโt really matter because theyโre a capital markets/hedge fund law firm based in the hedge fund holy land NYC.
Law firm sources: https://www.sewkis.com/practices/capital-markets-and-corporate-securities/
https://www.sewkis.com/practices/hedge-funds/
https://www.sewkis.com/people/kevin-neubauer/news/?_filte
... keep reading on reddit โกImagine a tiff with your colleague so deep that your husband and brother-in-law (?!?!?!?!) get involved and you have to bring in lawyers b/c the latter suggested you may have been working while drunk (ETA: his actual word was "hangover", not "drunk", important to get it right). This is crazy.
https://variety.com/2021/tv/news/real-housewives-of-dallas-tiffany-moon-1234973024/
Hi Reddit,
Thank you for highlighting this important issue on r/news!
As founder and Executive Director of the International Rights Advocates, and before that, between 1989 and 2007, General Counsel and Executive Director of International Labor Rights Forum, I have been at the forefront of every major effort to hold corporations accountable for failing to comply with international law or their own professed standards in their codes of conduct in their treatment of workers or communities in their far flung supply chains.
After doing this work for several years and trying various ways of cooperating with multinationals, including working on joint initiatives, developing codes of conduct, and creating pilot programs, I sadly concluded that most companies operating in lawless environments in the global economy will do just about anything they can get away with to save money and increase profits. So, rather than continue to assume multinationals operate in good faith and could be reasoned with, I shifted my focus entirely, and for the last 25 years, have specialized in international human rights litigation.
The prospect of getting a legal judgement along with the elevated public profile of a major legal case (thank you, Reddit!) gives IRAdvocates a concrete tool to force bad actors in the global economy to improve their practices.
Representative cases are: Coubaly et. al v. Nestle et. al, No. 1:21 CV 00386 (eight Malian former child slaves have sued Nestle, Cargill, Mars, Hershey, Barry Callebaut, Mondelez and Olam under the Trafficking Victims Protection Act [TVPRA] for forced child labor and trafficking in their cocoa supply chains in Cote DโIvoire); John Doe 1 et al. v. Nestle, SA and Cargill, Case No. CV 05-5133-SVW (six Malian former child slaves sued Nestle and Cargill under the Alien Tort Statute for using child slaves in their cocoa supply chains in Cote DโIvoire); and John Doe 1 et. al v. Apple et. al, No. CV 1:19-cv-03737(14 families sued Apple, Tesla, Dell, Microsoft, and Google under the TVPRA for knowingly joining a supply chain for cobalt in the DRC that relies upon child labor).
If youโd like to learn more, visit us at: http://www.iradvocates.org/
Ask me anything about corporate accountability for human rights violations in the global economy:
-What are legal avenues for holding corporations accountable for human rights violations i
... keep reading on reddit โก
Pretty much just the title. A few years back I ran a fantasy Wold West game and one of my players would just not shut up about historical accuracy in our fantasy game where knights fought gunslingers. In any fight where someone's shield or armor would save them from a bullet he'd go on about how a revolver round would go straight through a knight. Like yeah probably but for the sake of the game, no. Or when players would describe drawing a sword from their back he'd stop the game to explain to them why that was impossible. Or he'd argue that leather armor shouldn't be practical and - you get the idea. Every rules lawyer I've encountered I've been able to silence with rule 0 but every history nerd has been incessant about keeping our game on a 1:1 scale with real world dark age Europe. I think it's ridiculous that you see players who are willing to excuse dragons and magic but not hand loaded crossbows or rapiers. And don't get me started on players who use historical realism as an excuse to be homo/transphobic. I'd rather have a party of just rules lawyers than a party of sweaty Total War players.
He then took out a pillow, put his bag on it, and covered the bag with a baby blanket. "What are you doing?" asked the judge. The lawyer replied, "I rest my case."
