I went to what I thought was a christening but halfway through the vicar tipped a load of pish tasting lager over the poor baby.

Turns out he was being fostered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElMel77
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
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I started brewing my own lager called Photon.

It's light beer.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
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What did the ale say to the lager?

Hoppy new beer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/83n170
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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My friend knows me so well. He’s bought several crates of Czech lager and has invited me over...

That definitely apPils to me

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KubaKomorebi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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I was in Massachusetts the other day and saw a drunk lumberjack...

He was the real Boston Lager

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kidazine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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What kind of beer do timber cutters like best?

Lager.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BranfordJeff2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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A Ham Sandwich walks into a bar.

It walks up to the bartender and says 'Pint of lager please mate'

Bartender looks the Ham Sandwich up and down and says 'Sorry mate, we don't serve food here'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OptimalMongoose2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2020
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Son was playing Need For Speed...

He's doing a mission (I'm barley paying attention). I glance up and there's 2 cop cars trying to stop him. They get on either side of him and pinch him to a stop.

Son: Dang. The cops got me.

Me: What happened? Did they cop block you? (still chuckling to myself)

BTW, He's only 7 years old. He has no idea why I thought it was funny. My wife gave me the look of disapproval, so success was had.

Edit: I just want to let everyone know that I didn't notice my barely/barley mistake until after the hop joke below. Thanks.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigDildo
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2014
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A Ham Sandwich Walks into a Bar..

Strolls up to the bartender and says 'Pint of lager please mate'

Bartender looks the Ham Sandwich up and down and says 'Sorry mate, we don't serve food here'

Edit; Sorry that this is causing so much controversy in Dad joke world. My Dad literally told me this joke and it totally is a 'Dad joke' in my eyes!

Edit 2 Just want to say some of these comments have had me in bits! Keep them coming Dads! #DadPower

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2015
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A skeleton walks into a bar

and asks for a pint o’lager and a mop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theJarlAli
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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Where does beer keep it’s belongings during the school day?

In it’s lager!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magnuspenus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
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What kind of beer does a lumberjack drink?

Lagers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Keauxbi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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A man walks into a bar in Canada...

The bar tender says, "What can I do for ya eh?" To which the man replies, "How's aboot a pint of lager?" The bartender hands him his beer. The man then asks, pointing at a crying Russian man at the opposite end of the bar, "What's the deal with him?" "Him? Oh, that's just Vladimir Putin."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Memedian
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2016
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A Pink-Backed Pelican waddles into a bar...

He orders two pints of lager, a shot of whiskey and a packet of salted cashews. The bartender says, β€œAnd how will you be paying for all this?” The Pink-Backed Pelican ruffles his feathers and replies, β€œPut it on my bill.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EllisDeWald
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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I took my daughter out for her first drink...

While reading an article about fathers and sons drinking together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink. Off we went to our local bar only two blocks from the house. I got her a Guinness. She didn't like it, so I drank it. Then I got her a Killian's she didn't like that either, so I drank it. Finally, I thought she might like some Harp Lager? She didn't. I drank it. I thought maybe she'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's; nope! In desperation, I had her try that 25 year old Glenfiddich. The bar's finest scotch. She wouldn't even smell it. What could I do but drink it! By the time I realized she just didn't like to drink, I was so shit-faced I could hardly push her stroller back home!!!
~
~
[edited for spelling. sorry to offend.]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lithium91w
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
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What is Kurt Vonnegut's favorite beer?

Lager House-Five.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tragicherohimself
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2017
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What's a lumberjack's favorite beer?

Lager

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πŸ‘€︎ u/derwiki
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
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My dad spilled his beer all over the wood pile next to the fire.

"Now that's what I call a lager"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainSnowy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
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Ham Sandwich walks into a bar..

Strolls up to the bartender and says 'Pint of lager please mate'

Bartender looks the Ham Sandwich up and down and says 'Sorry mate, we don't serve food here'

πŸ‘︎ 956
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2016
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What's a lumberjack's favorite beer?

Lager.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justablur
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2016
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