How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?

A-TEN-SON!

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Packaging69
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
William Shatner has discontinued his line of ladies lingerie.

Apparently Shatner panties was a poor choice of name.

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Ladies, if he doesn't appreciate your fruit jokes....

....you need to let that mango.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
The lady who hems my pants appeared anxious...

In fact, I know she seamstressed

πŸ‘︎ 181
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you make Lady Gaga cry?

Poker face.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I asked the trainer at the gym, which machine I should use to impress the ladies?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine. "

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife came back from the store complaining about how the lady at the register was a total bitch.

I asked her if she was at self check out. Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaddyRecon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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There's a dinner lady at our factory, who's almost seven feet tall.

She's our longest serving employee.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
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What did Lady Macbeth name her dog?

Spot

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Me: Were you able to get ahold of that lady selling the John Deere? My husband:

Yeah, I tractor down.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sierraann0402
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Unbelievable...Just been to the chemist, asked the lady if she had something to clear up diarrhoea...

She gave me a mop.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Vandals drilled a peephole into the ladies bathroom.

The police are looking into it.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Avon Lady

What was the reason for the Avon Lady funny walk?

Her lipstick

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolPaul75
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Today at the bank some old lady asked if I could help check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trendfoll
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call an incontinent French lady?

Mae oui

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomecorearts
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Three old ladies were having a picnic when the following conversation took place.

First lady: Isn’t it a bit windy? Second lady: I thought it was Thursday. Third lady: Me too, let’s have a cup of tea.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Ladies, if he hisses and explodes

He's a kreeper

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyron21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A lady walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre

So he gave her one

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you wake Lady Gaga up?

You po-po-po-poke her face!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the opposite of lady fingers?

Mentos

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nathanhasse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you: "Blues Lee"
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/r0b3rt1c0
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Our church band is just two ladies on percussion...

It’s quite the CoNunDrum

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlackJones2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A beautiful lady called me Santa

i said " Ho Ho Ho please"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said β€˜if you need anything, I’m Jill.’

I’ve never met anyone with a conditional identity before.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsRynGYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I watched an old lady in a head wrap get mugged for her purse before she quickly stabbed the man and took it back.

It was a shawl shank redemption

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/De_Salvation
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Two monsters were at a party having a good time when one of them noticed a lady monster rolled her eyes at them. The monster asked his monster friend "what should I do?"

The other other monster replied "be a gentleman, roll them back to her."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
It's easy to convince ladies not to eat Tide Pods

But its harder to deter gents

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...

How was I supposed to know she’d never driven a bus before?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
🚨︎ report
You know why the old lady fell down the well ?

She couldn’t see that well.

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Lost a race to a catholic lady in long robes today

I thought I was the fastest, turns out I’m second to nun

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Mississippians don't refer to their wives as their old lady

They refer to them as their Ole Miss

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zsm1994
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in my flat & this tall lady walked past my window.

I knew she was tall....as I live on the 2nd floor.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does β€œladdies” mean men but β€œladies” means women?

Because β€œladies” is missing a D.

I’ll show myself out now.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reckoner65
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I know a lady who means well, but is very annoying telling people how to mark their trails...

She’s a caring cairn Karen.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlatinumCalf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a lady cop?

A She-riff

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dangerousperson44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you call a lady with bad luck?

Miss Fortune

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ResidentMos
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Ladies, if he can't appreciate your fruit jokes...

You need to let that mango.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__teju
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
An old lady asked me if I could help her check her balance at the bank.

so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weendul
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of lady fingers?

Mentos.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tevvi94
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
An old lady walked into the bank and asked me if I could help her check her balance.

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randomguy6282
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes,

you need to let that mango...

πŸ‘︎ 142
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaCrimsonChinn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of Lady Fingers?

Mentos.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Canooter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of lady fingers?

Mentos.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_the_clone
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the opposite of lady fingers

Mentos

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Connor0388
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Ladies, if he can’t appreciate your fruit jokes, you need...

... to let that mango.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Khyta
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
How do wake Lady Gaga?

Poker face

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rainreset
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
🚨︎ report
One day in the bank an old lady asked me to check her balance...

So I pushed her.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levonsafaryan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report

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